


The Great Beyond

by angstytimelord



Category: Hannibal (TV), The Big C (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Loss of Virginity, Love at First Sight, M/M, Oral Sex, Tearjerker, True Love, terminal illness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2017-12-29 14:45:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 60
Words: 51,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstytimelord/pseuds/angstytimelord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will falls head over heels in love at first sight when he meets Lee. But building a future together won't be easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In His Eyes

Will smiled and nodded at the barista who handed him his coffee, turning and making his way through the crowd to the table he usually sat at when he came to this café. He hadn't expected it to be such a crush today; it was busier than usual.

And damn, his usual table in the back corner was taken. He wanted to curse, but he held the words back and approached the man sitting there.

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" He kept his voice low, hoping that he sounded friendly.

When the man looked up, Will was sure that he could feel his heart skip a beat. Blue eyes met his, sapphire blue surrounded by incredibly long, dark lashes. He had never seen such eyes before; he wanted to fall into them, to drown in those blue depths.

But those eyes held a sadness that went so deep it tore at Will's heart. He could see it in that glance, feel it all the way down to his core.

Why did this man look so sad? What did he carry within him that brought such grief to his eyes, those eyes that seemed as if they held a thousand secrets within their sapphire depths? Will couldn't imagine where that sadness came from, but he wanted to find out.

"Not at all," the man said, his voice just as pleasing as his face was. "Have a seat."

"Thanks." Will slid into the chair, setting his cup down carefully on the table. "I usually sit here when I come to this café," he remarked, for lack of a better way to start a conversation. "I just hadn't expected it to be so crowded today. But I'm glad it is."

The other man's soft laugh filled the air; Will wanted to close his eyes and savor that sound. He'd never heard anything so enchanting.

"Are you trying to come on to me?" The question sounded amused, but Will thought that there might be a hint of interest underneath the words. The man leaned forward, holding out his hand. "I'm Lee. And if that _was_ a pick-up line, it's a pretty good one."

Well, he hadn't expected Lee to think _that_.

Will could feel a blush suffusing his cheeks; it hadn't been meant as a come=on, but if that was how Lee chose to interpret it, then he'd go along with that. He didn't generally try to pick up men, but in this case, he was obviously going to make an exception.

"I'm Will," he said softly, taking Lee's hand. "It wasn't a pick-up line, but I'm not going to lie and say that it couldn't be. If you wanted it that way."

"I do," Lee said softly, a smile curving his lips. Will found himself wanting to lean forward and kiss those lips; he had to force himself to sit still, to let go of Lee's hand and pick up his coffee. Just that one touch had made his nerves sizzle, his senses reeling.

He had never been this attracted to anyone.

But there was still the issue of that sadness he could see in Lee's eyes. He was curious; he wanted to know where that look came from, and if there was anything he could do to help. He wanted to soothe that look away, to make Lee's beautiful smile reach those eyes.

How could he get Lee to talk about that? It wasn't as though he could simply ask this man why he seemed so sad. They had only just met.

"So, do you live around here?" That was a safe question -- and it would let him know if Lee was just passing through DC, or if he was here on a more permanent basis. Will couldn't believe he was doing this; it was so unlike him to be interested in a stranger.

But something told him that this man would be an important part of his life.

He had never gone out of his way to strike up a conversation with anyone like this before. He always kept to himself; he rarely ventured out of his self-imposed shell. But this was different. There was something about Lee that made him want to reach out.

Lee shook his head, looking down into his coffee cup and letting out a soft sigh. "I guess you could say I do -- at least for a while," he murmured. "I'm taking part in a clinical trial."

Will frowned, not quite understand what Lee meant. "A clinical trial for what?" he asked, wondering just why Lee would be taking part in something like that. He didn't seem like the kind of man who made a guinea pig out of himself, but then, Will didn't know him at all.

"It's a cancer study," Lee said softly, looking up and meeting Will's gaze. "I have cancer, Will. I'm dying."

Will could feel his heart plummet, feeling as though it was falling down to his feet, to hit the ground and shatter into a million tiny shards. No wonder Lee looked so sad. At the moment, he was sure that same sadness was wrapping around him as well.


	2. Glass Half Full

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he hears a startling revelation from Lee, Will fears that they've lost each other even before they've begun.

"You don't look sick," Will murmured, unwilling to believe the truth of what Lee was telling him. This beautiful man couldn't have cancer. He couldn't be _dying_. Will couldn't face having to lose him, when they had only just met.

But it had to be true. Lee didn't seem like the type of person who would lie, and certainly not about something like this. 

He was dying. Will had lost him before they had even begun.

Lee shrugged, a small smile curving his lips. "I've been sick for a long time," he said softly, the words tinged with regret. "I've been through a lot of clinic trials, hoping that the next one will work. But none of them do. Still, I'm not ready to give up yet."

"You shouldn't." Will reached out to place his hand over Lee's, not sure why he was doing so. He barely knew this man; who was he to offer comfort?

But at the same time, how could he not? Just knowing the situation that Lee was in made him want to take this man in his arms, to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be all right, even though he knew it wasn't. But he had to offer hope.

If there was anything he could do, anything at all, he would do it.

"There are good and bad days," Lee said softly, looking into Will's eyes. "Some days are black, with no shades of grey. And some days are more white -- the glass is half full instead of half empty, y'know? Those are the days I try to live for."

"I'd like to be able to make your days stay in the white," Will told him, surprised to hear those words coming out of his mouth.

What was he saying? Was he offering to twist his own heart into some convoluted shape that would only break when Lee died? If his cancer was terminal, then he could only forestall the inevitable. He couldn't stop it. That would take a miracle.

But what if this trial he was taking part in worked?

If it did, then he and Lee could have a chance at a future together. The cancer might always be lurking in the background somewhere, but if the treatments that Lee was here in DC for had the desired effect, then he could have a long life ahead of him.

A life spent with Will. A life that they could share. He could already see their future -- coming home to Lee every night, the two of them curled up on the couch together watching television, doing the dishes in the kitchen, going to bed and making love.

He could see it so clearly, as though it was actually happening.

"I'd like that, too," Lee said softly, surprising Will by curling those long fingers around his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "But you've got to know that there might not be a future there, Will. You've got to be prepared for it."

"Let's not think about that," Will said firmly, shaking his head. "Let's think about this trial working, and you getting better. There's no reason to believe it won't happen."

"You're already doing a lot to keep this day in the white," Lee told him with a soft laugh, squeezing his hand again before letting it go. "Funny, I didn't come here to meet anybody. I'd given up on that part of my life. But here I am, contemplating a future with a guy I don't even know."

Will already had an answer for that.

"Well, then you should get to know me," he said, keeping his voice bright and optimistic. "If you're not doing anything tonight, I'd like to take you out to dinner. Or ...." He took a deep breath, wondering what Lee would say to his next suggestion. "I could cook for you at my house."

Lee raised a brow, but his smile told Will all he needed to know. Lee wasn't at all averse to the idea of the two of them spending time alone at Will's home.

"I'd love to," Lee told him, smiling again as he picked up his coffee cup. "If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to spend some time with you. I'm not a bad cook myself, so maybe we can both whip up something in the kitchen, if you're up for some help."

Will couldn't hold back his own smile at those words.

"That'd be great," he said, quickly writing his cell number down on a napkin. He had to laugh when he saw that Lee was doing the same thing. "Great minds think alike, huh?" he murmured as they exchanged napkins. "I'll give you a call when I get off work."

"Why don't I meet you here?" Lee suggested. "I'm staying at a hospice right now, and I'd rather you not get too caught up there."

Will nodded reluctantly, his brow creasing in a frown. "Why don't you stay with me?" he asked, not stopping to weigh the possibilities of his words. "That is, if you don't mind having to drive into town every day. I live way out in Wolf Trap."

Lee appeared to be weighing the invitation, then he smiled and nodded.

"That sounds great," he murmured, raising his gaze to Will's. "If you're sure you don't mind. I mean, I don't want to cause you any trouble." He looked uncertain for a moment. "But it'd be nice not to have to stay at the hospice. It's .... a little crowded there."

"You're staying with me," Will said firmly. "I know there are doctors at the hospice and all that, but if you need to see one, I can get you to town quickly."

"Will ...." Lee reached for his hand again, twining their fingers together. "I know we just met, but I feel like this is going somewhere. It's like you're this bright incandescent white light that's burning through my life, one that I never expected. And I like it."

"So do I," Will whispered, unable to look away.

He more than liked it. He felt the same as Lee, as if there was some kind of burning incandescence that surrounded them, locking the rest of the world out.

This wasn't going to end before it began. The treatments Lee was here for would work, and they would have a long and happy future together. The glass was indeed half full, and Will wanted the two of them to be able to fill it to overflowing.


	3. See Forever Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will wants to spend forever looking into Lee's eyes.

Will glanced in the rear-view mirror to be sure that Lee's car was still following his, though he didn't know why he was worried. Lee had been there all the way from DC; it wasn't as though he was suddenly going to melt away, or disappear like he'd never existed.

It seemed impossible that he'd actually met someone -- especially someone who seemed as perfect as Lee was . He could hardly believe that he'd been so lucky.

Well, all right, so Lee _wasn't_ perfect. He had cancer. But that wasn't something that Will was going to let get in the way of their developing relationship. Cancer could be beaten. Millions of people had survived. Lee could be one of them.

He wasn't going to give up. And he wouldn't let Lee give up, either.

He wanted to spend the rest of his life looking into those blue eyes; he wanted Lee to have a long and happy life with him. He wanted them to grow old together, to be able to look back on lives full of shared memories and magical moments.

They would do that, Will told himself firmly. They would be together for all of their lives, and beyond. Lee would beat this cancer, and their lives would go on.

Maybe it was weird for him to have fallen so quickly for a man he'd barely met, a man he knew next to nothing about. Some people would say that it wasn't the best idea for him to have invited Lee to stay in his house while he was participating in the clinical trial.

But in his heart, Will knew that he'd done the right thing.

He couldn't have said why, but something told him that Lee was going to be special in his life. He couldn't help feeling that he had found the person he had been searching for all of his life, the person who would bring him out of his self-imposed isolation and into the light.

Just looking into Lee's blue eyes made him feel .... _alive_. More so than he ever had. He felt as if he was on top of the world, as if he could achieve anything.

Will never wanted that feeling to end. He wanted to have Lee by his side for the rest of his life, sharing the world with him, knowing that he had someone who loved him -- and who he loved in return. That was really all he'd ever wanted.

His eyes widened as he realized just what he'd been thinking.

Love? When had he begun to think in those terms? He and Lee had just met; love didn't enter into the equation of their lives yet. He couldn't have fallen in love so quickly with someone he hardly knew; that was crazy. It was just infatuation, not love.

No, it was more than that. What he felt for Lee was something that reached deep into his soul, something that he felt in his heart. Maybe it wasn't love -- not yet, anyway -- but he was sure that it was going to grow and develop, and that it would do so very quickly.

He was already falling in love with Lee. He might as well admit it.

Those eyes had held him in thrall from the first moment he'd sat down and looked across the table at Lee. Those eyes had seen so much that Will would never see; Lee knew the kind of suffering that most people would never have to experience. 

When Will looked into those eyes, he could swear that they could see into forever, into the future that the two of them could have together. 

The first time he had looked into those eyes, he'd seen forever, too. He had seen the two of them far into their future, holding hands, laughing together, as much in love as they had been when they had first started. He wanted to believe that could happen.

He wanted to spend forever with this man.

Would that be possible? The only way to find out was for the two of them to keep heading down the path they'd already started to take. He was more than willing to follow that path, to see where it would lead them. And he was sure that Lee was, as well.

He turned the ignition off, opening the door and turning to wait for Lee. His heart skipped a beat at the thought that this man would, for all intents and purposes, be living here.

Okay, so Lee was more or less a stranger to him. But there was that pull of attraction that he couldn't deny; he wouldn't have been able to walk away from Lee, or to let him be so far away in a hotel when they could be sharing his living space.

Maybe it _was_ a little crazy. But it was what he wanted.

"Nice place you have here," Lee said with a smile. "You live here by yourself? Don't you get lonely?" He tilted his head to the side, a slight frown between his brows. "I kind of sensed that you're a loner -- like me -- but everybody needs company once in a while."

"Oh, I have company," Will told him with a grin. "Of the canine variety. Come inside and meet them. They'll have to get used to you being around."

As he looked into the depths of those eyes again, he could see a sadness lurking there, one that he wanted to banish for good. He wanted those eyes to see into forever -- and to keep him, and the future they could share together, firmly in their sights.


	4. The First Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will is almost frightened by the intensity of his feelings for Lee, but he can't turn back now.

"That was delicious." Lee put down his fork and smiled at Will across the kitchen table, his blue eyes seeming to light up as he spoke. "My appetite hasn't been that good for a while. But I don't think it's just the food, even though I love Chinese. It's the company."

That smile was so enthusiastic, so ingratiating. Will wanted to fall into the brightness of it, bask in the light of Lee's eyes. He wanted to lose himself in this man.

They had talked so much during dinner, and found out so much about each other. In retrospect, Will was glad that they'd chosen to drive into town and get food from the Chinese place he always ordered from. He didn't want to sit in a restaurant with other people around.

No, he wanted Lee all to himself.

He wanted to keep this man here, in his home, for the rest of their lives. He wanted to spend an entire lifetime loving Lee, being with him -- no, _several_ lifetimes. He wanted to love Lee for an eternity, to hold him close forever.

That wasn't going to be possible, and he knew it. Lee was dying. He had cancer. But .... cancer wasn't fatal. Not always .A lot of people out there were cancer survivors; Lee could be one of them. This treatment he was taking would work.

And they would live happily ever after.

Will wanted to believe that. He _had_ to believe it. He couldn't believe that fate would be so cruel as to take Lee away from him. Fate would smile on them, and give them the chance for a life together. It had to. For once, things had to go his way.

He couldn't tear his gaze away from Lee; he had never had anyone look at him so intensely, with such .... _desire_ in their eyes.

It was intoxicating, exhilarating. And at the same time, it ws almost frightening. It was obvious that Lee wanted him -- and yes, he wanted Lee, too. But he'd never been intimate with anyone before. Not in the way that Lee obviously wanted them to be.

How was he going to admit that fact? It was embarrassing.

"You've never been with anybody before, have you, Will?" Lee asked, his voice very soft. He was regarding Will with a soft smile on his lips, the desire still in those blue eyes. Even though he had obviously guessed Will's secret, it didn't seem to change his feelings.

"H-how did you know?" Will stammered, then looked down with a wry smile. "I guess it's pretty obvious, isn't it?" He sighed softly, nodding. "Yeah, I'm a virgin. It's embarrassing to admit that. I'm nearly thirty years old, and I've never been with anybody."

"Will, it's not a crime," Lee said softly. "I think it's sweet."

"So it doesn't bother you?" Will asked, feeling greatly daring. He wanted Lee to know that he was indeed interested -- but he knew that he wasn't ready for them to be completely intimate tonight. He was still a little apprehensive, still holding back.

They needed to get to know each other a little more, he told himself. To .... well, to _explore_ each other before they gave themselves completely.

"Not at all," Lee told him, reaching across the table to take Will's hand in his and lace their fingers together. "Though I'll be honest and say that I don't want to wait for long. I understand that you're not ready right now, but I want you, Will. And not just for a night."

"I want you forever," Will whispered, the words coming out of nowhere.

And he did. He wanted a lifetime with Lee, an eternity with him. He wanted the two of them to grow old together; he wanted to be able to turn over in bed and see this man's smile every morning for the rest of his life, until they were old and grey.

Lee nodded, the smile still curving his lips. Those lips were beautiful, Will realized. So full and pink and inviting .... All he wanted to do was kiss those lips, to feel them open beneath his own, to taste Lee's mouth and know what it felt like to be kissed by him.

"Kiss me," he whispered, the words tumbling out before he could stop them.

"Gladly," Lee answered, getting to his feet and moving around the table to Will's chair. He drew the other man to his feet, the intensity of his blue eyes making Will's heart skip a few beats. This was it, then. This was the first moment of their time together.

It started here and now. It would be intense, and passionate, and maybe even a little scary. But Will was ready for all of that. More than ready.

Lee moved toward Will, pulling him into his arms. Will wrapped his arms around Lee's waist, leaning into him, raising his face and closing his eyes. When their lips met, he could swear that he heard rockets and saw stars -- and was lifted towards the heavens.


	5. More Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee is angry at fate for not giving him a lifetime to spend with Will.

Kissing Will had been a revelation.

Lee stood in the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He hadn't expected to be so affected by a kiss; he felt as though his entire world had changed with that one action, that so many doors he'd thought were closed had suddenly swung open.

When Will had sat down at his table in the café, he should have finished his coffee, smiled politely, and left. He should have let the possibilities die.

After all, what did he have to offer a man like Will? He was dying. Yes, the cancer could be slowed down, but it had more than likely gone too far for any treatments to work more than a short amount of time. At best, he would have a few years. No more.

Will deserved more than that. He deserved a lifetime with someone who loved him, someone who would be there for him. He deserved more than a few months, or a few years. He deserved .... everything. Everything that Lee couldn't give him.

He was falling in love with someone he would have to leave.

Not by his own choice, of course. He knew that he wouldn't leave Will as long as he was alive. He couldn't. His heart was already too involved; there was no way he could walk out on this man and live with himself, even for a brief time.

He couldn't hurt Will like that. But he couldn't help thinking that he had no future, nothing to offer. Will would say otherwise, of course, but Will hadn't lived with the knowledge of death riding on his shoulder for the past few years. He didn't know what it was like.

It made Lee angry to know that he wasn't going to be given a reprieve, a second chance, just because he had finally found someone to love.

Yes, these treatments could work. Yes, he could have more of a life ahead of him than he thought. But it was still borrowed time. Even if the cancer suddenly went into remission with these treatments, it would still only be staved off, not eradicated.

He would still die long before Will did. And leave his lover bereft.

Just the idea of doing that to Will made his eyes fill with tears. Lee raised a hand to dash them away before they could fall; he didn't want to go back into the living room red-eyed and on the verge of sobbing. He had to get his emotions under control.

He couldn't let himself be upset. Not now. He couldn't really let himself feel anger, either; he didn't want it to show, and for Will to take it the wrong way and think that he was the cause. He would have to push both of those emotions away, not let himself have the luxury of feeling them.

He didn't need them, anyway. They were both too negative.

Being angry or upset wasn't going to do him any good. It wasn't going to give him more time, and it wasn't going to further his relationship with Will. And he _did_ intend for them to have a relationship, if Will wanted it as well.

It would be brief, but it would be beautiful. And maybe, if he was very lucky, this treatment would work, and he would have more time with Will than he thought.

What happened after that was anybody's guess. He didn't know how long they would be granted; he didn't even know if Will would want to be with a man who might not have much time left. But he would reach out, and he would take what he was offered.

Something told him that even a brief time with Will Graham would be something that he could take into the hereafter with him, something that he could hold close for eternity and always treasure. Whatever the next life might bring, he could take those memories with him.

But if he was lucky, he would have a long time to make those memories.

That was all he could hope for, really -- that fate would grant him more time than he'd thought he would have, and that he could spend that time with Will. Parting would be hard for both of them, but it was better to have each other for a brief time than not at all.

Would Will feel the same way? Lee hoped that he would; he could feel the anger rising in him again at the thought of Will being devastated by his death, at the unfairness of finding someone and falling hopelessly in love with them when he might not be able to offer them a future.

Ruthlessly, he pushed that anger away. He wasn't going to waste time on it. He was going to think of Will, of how much he wanted to be with him, and nothing else.

Taking a deep breath, he looked into the mirror, smiling at his reflection. He was going to let this go where it would, and if the path he was following led him into a relationship with Will, then they would take it one day at a time. That was all they could do.

He turned and strode towards the living room, back to Will.


	6. The First Day of Falling in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time Will has ever fallen in love, the first day of the rest of his life.

No one had ever made him feel like this. Ever.

Lee was dying. He knew it. But wasn't everyone dying, one day at a time? Will asked himself, curling up in the corner of the couch as he waited for Lee to come back from the bathroom. Some people were just dying more quickly than others that was all.

He didn't care if Lee only had weeks left, or if he had years, or even decades. He wanted to spend all of that time with Lee, to be with him every second.

He couldn't do that, of course. He had to go to work, and Lee would be spending hours at the hospital, taking part in those clinical trials he'd come here to participate in. But every moment that they could be together, he wanted to spend glued to Lee's side.

He didn't want to think about the inevitable.

No, it wasn't inevitable, Will told himself firmly. Lee could be one of the people that this new trial worked for. He could find a cure. Other people survived cancer -- there was no reason why Lee couldn't, too. Death wasn't inevitable. Will didn't even want it to be an option.

He didn't want to think of Lee cold and lifeless, his body in a grave. He wanted to think of Lee alive and well, warm and vibrant and smiling at him.

He wanted to be in Lee's arms, looking into those beautiful blue eyes, feeling those hands on his body and those lips on his. He wanted to give himself to Lee. Tonight.

This was the first time he'd fallen in love, and it had hit him suddenly, like the proverbial ton of bricks. This was the first day of falling in love, the first day of knowing that he could spend the rest of his life with one special person, the first time his heart had ever reached out.

It was exhilarating, frightening, and breathtaking, all at the same time.

Feeling that he was falling head over heels wasn't something that came easily to him; part of him was afraid of the intimacy, but part of him reached for it and pulled it close to him.

What if Lee didn't feel the same? The thought snatched the breath from Will's lungs, making his heart skip a beat. No, that couldn't be true. That kiss had meant something, to Lee as well as to him. No one could kiss him like that and not have lost their heart as well.

Maybe Lee had been in love before. Maybe this wasn't the first time he had fallen for someone. Will didn't care about that; whoever that person might have been, they were in Lee's past. He was Lee's future; the two of them belonged to each other now.

He believed that as firmly as he believed the earth was round, the sky was blue, and the sun was hot. He was Lee's, in every possible way.

Nothing was going to keep him from this man. Not even the threat of death.

He looked up when Lee appeared in the doorway, smiling at him and holding out a hand. Less crossed the room to sit down beside him, sliding an arm around Will's waist and pulling him close. For what felt like a very long time, neither one of them spoke.

Finally, Lee broke the silence between them. "You're thinking about the future, aren't you?" he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "And about the fact that I might not have much of one. I don't want to break your heart, Will. Not ever."

Will nodded slowly, his blue gaze meeting Lee's.

"You won't break my heart," he said, his voice hoarse with need. "Don't worry about me, Lee. Just let me fall in love with you, because I can't stop it from happening."

Lee leaned forward, raising his free hand to stroke Will's cheek. Will closed his eyes at the feeling of those long, cool fingers stroking through his tumbled dark curls; he wanted those hands everywhere on his body, touching him all over.

Maybe the trials wouldn't work, and he would only have Lee for a short time. If that was what fate intended for them, then so be it. It was better to have Lee for a little while, to let love fill his heart and soul and to give himself up to it, than to never know what it was like to love him.

He wanted to let himself fall into what he was feeling, to experience it fully. He wanted to love Lee with no hesitation, no reservations.

And he would. If Lee would let him.

This was the first day of the rest of his life, the day that he'd met the man he would love forever. Just looking into Lee's vivid blue eyes had changed him irrevocably; he would never be the same again now that he knew what it was like to fall in love.

Will closed his eyes, parting his lips, waiting for Lee's kiss. He knew that it was coming; he could tell by the look in those blue eyes that Lee meant to kiss him.

He would let Lee kiss him, touch him, do anything he wanted with him. He had already opened his heart, and he was letting Lee come inside and settle there.

He _wanted_ Lee in his heart. Whether they only had a short time together, or whether they had many years ahead of them, he wanted this man to be a part of him. Losing Lee wasn't an option. Not now that he had finally found everything that he'd ever wanted.

All rolled into this one perfect, beautiful man.

"I don't care how much time we might have," Lee whispered against Will's lips. "I want to spend all of that time with you, Will. Being with you and loving you. If you'll let me. If you want me. If you can deal with knowing that our time might be really limited."

Will could do nothing but nod; he didn't trust himself to speak. He was sure that if he did, he would cry with the happiness that was bursting into bloom within him.

He was sure that Lee felt just as he did, that this was the first day of falling in love for him, too. It didn't matter if there had been others in the past. All that mattered was the here and now, and their future. The rest of their lives together.

This was only the first day, and there would be many more to follow.


	7. Love Will Find You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love isn't something you find. It's something that finds you.

"I never thought I could fall in love with somebody I just met," Will said softly as he curled up against Lee on the couch. "It just ... never seemed possible."

Lee smiled softly, raising a hand to stroke gentle fingers through Will's dark curls. "Love isn't something you find, Will," he said, his voice very soft. "Love is something that finds you. And from what I can tell, it finds you when you aren't expecting it."

Will nodding, acknowledging the truth of Lee's words. Love had found him when he hadn't been looking for it -- but he had never looked for love actively.

He had never thought anyone would fall in love with him.

Lee coming into his life had been something of a miracle. He would always look back on their meeting and feel that it had been fate taking a hand in his life.

What else _could_ he think? He hadn't been looking for love; he hadn't even been looking for a friend, and suddenly Lee was there, smiling at him, looking like an angel fallen from heaven right into his life. So unexpected, and yet so very welcome.

He wanted to spend all of his life with this man; he wanted to grow old with Lee, to be able to look back on their first meeting and smile in fond remembrance.

They would have a lifetime together. He _had_ to believe that.

He didn't want to think about Lee's cancer. This trial would be successful, and Lee would get better. He _had_ to. Fate couldn't be so cruel as to take Lee away from him, now that they'd found each other. They would have many, many more years together.

They would grow old together. They would still love each other when they were very old men, and they would be closer than ever.

The thought made him smile; just thinking of their future together made his heart sing. They hadn't even been intimate yet, and he was already seeing the life ahead of them.

Will didn't doubt that those dreams would come true. He refused to think that they wouldn't; as Lee had said, love wasn't something that he had found. It had come to him unexpectedly, in a dazzling burst of light, and he was going to hold onto it with all his strength.

He wasn't going to let this man go. Not now, and not ever.

"I believe that love will find you when you need it the most," Lee whispered, his soft voice bringing Will out of his reverie. "Finding you proves me right."

'I never thought I would find anybody," Will said softly, tilting his head back to look up at Lee. "I'd pretty much convinced myself that love was never going to find me. I thought it was something for other people to have, and that I'd always be on the outside looking in."

"Well, you've been proven wrong about that," Lee told him with a smile. "Because love _has_ found you, Will. And it's going to stay with you forever."

"Forever?" Will whispered, his voice slightly unsteady.

Lee nodded, looking serious. "Even if it's not in the physical form, the love is always going to be there. Don't ever doubt that, Will. No matter what the future holds, I'll always love you."

It seemed impossible. It seemed too ephemeral for him to be able to grasp and hold on to, a concept that held no more weight that a whisper on the wind that would fade into silence. But Will knew it wasn't. He knew that love had found him,and that he wouldn't let it go.

This love would last forever, he vowed to himself. He would make it last forever. Now that love had found him, he would hold on to it for all of his life, and beyond.


	8. Caution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will wants to give himself to Lee completely, but his fears are holding him back.

Will closed his eyes as he felt Lee's arm tighten around him; he knew that it was time for them to go upstairs and get ready for bed, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words.

He was too nervous about being in bed with Lee, too nervous about what would happen. He wanted Lee more than he had ever wanted anyone, but he still had to get used to feeling this kind of desire; he couldn't simply jump in bed and have sex.

They'd only met each other this afternoon. He wasn't ready to throw himself headlong in the physical aspect of their relationship, even if Lee was.

He hadn't even told Lee that he was a virgin.

Lee could probably guess that; Will knew that his kisses hadn't exactly been expert ones, but Lee didn't seem to mind that, and had seemed to enjoy them.

Of course he had, Will told himself firmly. Lee loved him. He'd said so, and Will believed him. Kissing the person you loved was always pleasurable; it didn't matter if they weren't all that experienced at kissing, as long as they were kissing _you_.

But still, he couldn't help wondering if Lee might be disappointed by the fact that even though he knew what to do in bed, he lacked any practical experience with lovemaking.

Or he might view it in a completely different light.

He might enjoy teaching Will about lovemaking. He might enjoy being the guide, the leader, and showing Will what to do to please him. Will hoped that was the case; he himself had no idea what pleased him, and was leaving it to Lee to find out.

Still, the fact remained that he was feeling a little hesitant about making love. He loved Lee, but he wasn't sure that he was ready for this tonight.

If he didn't make love with Lee tonight, would their future start to fall apart? Would he lose the man he loved because of his hesitation, because he'd led his fears get the better of him? He couldn't bear for that to happen, not when he and Lee had just found each other.

He couldn't lose this man. Not now, and not ever.

He'd heard that of all kinds of caution, being too cautious in love was the most fatal to being happy. He could certainly see where that would be true. Holding back when you were in love could make the other person turn away.

Will didn't want to lose the happiness he had found. He wanted to hold on to that happiness with both hands, and make it grow stronger.

He _would_ do that, he told himself firmly. He would conquer his fears, leap over the yawning black chasm that loomed in front of him, and never look back.

If Lee wanted to make love tonight, then they would. He wouldn't be afraid of what was to come; he had no reason to fear anything. Lee would be gentle with him -- and once his lover knew that he was a virgin, he was sure that Lee would be even more so.

There was nothing to be afraid of. Nothing at all.

"If you're worried about tonight, I promise that I won't put any pressure on you," Lee said softly, making Will look up, his mouth falling open. He hadn't realized that Lee would be so good at reading his thoughts; had they somehow been written on his face?

"H-how did you know that's what I was thinking about?" he managed to stammer. "It's not that I don't want to make love with you, Lee, but ...."

He let his voice trail off, swallowing hard. He didn't want to say the words aloud, didn't want to admit that he was close to thirty years old and still a virgin. Somehow, it seemed embarrassing, as though it made him less of a man. As though it diminished who he was.

That was ridiculous, but it was how he felt.

"Lee, I ...." Will took a deep breath, then let the words spill out. "I'm a virgin. I've never been with anybody before. And I'm .... kind of nervous about it."

Lee's response was gentle, his tone soft but firm. "Will, I'm not going to push you," he said, the fingers of one hand stroking through Will's dark curls. "We have time. And there's nothing to be scared of. I'd never hurt you. You have to know that."

"I do," Will said, feeling his throat close. How could Lee be so gentle and understanding? He didn't deserve this, not when he was essentially saying no.

Lee bowed his head to capture Will's lips with his in an intoxicating, heady kiss.

When that kiss was done, Will felt as though he could melt into Lee's arms. If Lee asked him to make love right now, here on the couch, he would do it. Gladly.

He didn't want to exercise caution. He wanted to give himself to Lee tonight, fully and completely. But it was best for their relationship if they didn't jump in head first. When they _did_ make love, it would mean more because they hadn't rushed things.

Will closed his eyes, leaning into Lee's embrace, a smile curving his lips. It wouldn't be long before they were lovers in truth. They could be patient.

But he wouldn't be cautious for much longer.

He believed that saying about caution in love being an impediment to happiness. And he wasn't going to deny the two of them that happiness for long.

"Let's go to bed," Lee said softly, his words echoing what Will was thinking. "We don't have to do anything that you don't want to do, Will. Just being there with you, having you in my arms, is enough for me. At least," he grinned wickedly, "for now."

Will's answering smile held all the hope and love that he felt in his heart. Not tonight, but one night soon, this man would be his lover, and all caution would be thrown to the winds.


	9. No Hesitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will realizes that with Lee, he can't hide behind his fears of intimacy any longer.

Will glanced at the clock, feeling a shiver of what might have been fear trickle down his back. It was getting late; he and Lee would have to go to bed soon.

Why should the thought of going to bed with Lee make him feel so nervous, even a little frightened? Lee would never do anything to hurt him -- and if he said that he wasn't ready for them to be physically intimate yet, then Lee would accept that.

The problem was that he _did_ want them to get physical.

The other problem was that he was terrified of doing so.

He wasn't afraid of Lee. It was the physical intimacy that he was afraid of, the fact that he would be opening his heart and letting someone inside it for the first time in his life. Not only his heart, but his body. There was something inherently frightening about giving himself away like that.

But hadn't he already given Lee his heart? a little voice in the back of his mind argued. And he hadn't been afraid of doing that. He'd given his heart willingly, with no reservations.

Lee deserved that. He deserved to have a lover who would give themselves to him with no hesitation, freely and willingly, regardless of their fears for the future.

Will desperately wanted to be able to do that. He wanted to give his body as well as his heart, but there was a barrier that he found himself crashing up against every time he thought of taking that last irrevocable step, letting those walls he'd built up crumble to the ground.

The idea of being physically intimate with anyone, even Lee, terrified him. It was a barrier that he'd never thought of crossing, one that he'd always hidden behind.

But he couldn't let himself hide any longer, he told himself firmly. He wanted to be with Lee, in every way. It was time that he followed his heart and put his fears aside.

"What's wrong, Will?" Lee's voice broke into his thoughts, bringing him back to the present moment. Lee's arm tightened around his waist, drawing him nearer to the other man. "And don't say that it's nothing. You look like a thundercloud, so I know something's bothering you."

Lee could already read him far too well.

Will sighed softly, wondering just how he was going to bring this up without hurting Lee's feelings. He had no idea what to say, how to put his own feelings into words.

"I just ..." he began, then broke off with a sigh, shaking his head. "I don't know how to say what I need to say, Lee. I'm scared it's going to make you walk away, and that would break my heart. But I-I don't know if I'm ready for all of this. It's all moving so fast."

Lee nodded, his voice soft when he spoke. "You've never been physical with anybody before, and you're afraid that's all I want? Is that it?"

Will shook his head vehemently. "No! It's not that I think you don't want anything but that. I'm just .... you're right about me never having done this before. It scares me, Lee."

"Will, you don't think I'd hurt you, do you?" Lee's voice was very quiet and serious. "I would never do that. I intend to make your first time something beautiful that you can look back on and treasure. And I'm not going to just walk away from you after that first time."

"I know that." Will took a deep breath, bringing his greatest fear out into the light for the first time. "I'm so afraid that I'm not going to be good enough for you."

Lee sighed softly, then shook his head and smiled.

"Oh, Will," he murmured, placing a finger beneath Will's chin and raising the other man's face to his. "You don't really believe that, do you? Because if you do, you are so wrong. I'm the one who might not be good enough for _you_."

"That's not true!" Will spoke up immediately; he couldn't let Lee believe that he could _ever_ think this beautiful man wasn't good enough for him.

"Will, we have to trust each other," Lee told him, gazing into his eyes. "If we don't, then we're not going to have much of a relationship. Or much of a future."

Will nodded slowly, sighing softly and resting his head against Lee's shoulder. "I do trust you," he managed to say before the words caught in his throat. When he could speak again, he continued, "I'm just scared, Lee. I've been afraid of intimacy all my life."

"Then we'll take things really slowly," Lee told him, stroking gentle fingers through Will's hair. "We have time, Will. We have all the time in the world."

"But what if the treatment --" Will began, before Lee pressed a finger against his lips, shaking his head. Will watched him, his blue gaze worried.

"Don't think negatively," Lee whispered, his gaze holding Will's. "We have to believe that it's going to work, and that we'll have a lifetime together. Now that I've found you, I'm not going to let you go that easily, Will. We're going to have plenty of time to discover each other."

Will nodded, swallowing hard and blinking back tears. He hoped those words were true.

Because if they weren't, he didn't think his heart could take the pain of losing Lee.

"Let's go to bed," he murmured, getting to his feet and holding out his hand to Lee. He was going to get past his fears. He had to. And Lee was the man to help him do that. He would put himself completely in Lee's hands, and trust him implicitly.

Tonight, his fears of intimacy were going to be conquered. Will leaned against Lee as the two of them headed up the stairs to his bedroom, pushing all hesitation aside.


	10. Open Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will is ready to give Lee both his body and his heart, with no reservations and no inhibitions.

When they got to the top of stairs, Lee surprised Will by heading towards the bathroom rather than the bedroom. Will followed him, his brow furrowing, wondering what Lee had in mind.

Lee turned to him outside the bathroom door, raising a hand to stroke his fingers through Lee's hair. "I thought a shower might be in order." His smile flashed in the dimness of the hallway, and Will thought he could see a gleam in those blue eyes. "Together."

He gulped at Lee's words, but nodded slowly. He'd never taken a shower with another person, but maybe it would be a good way to calm his fears and make him feel less nervous.

He could touch Lee, and Lee could touch him.

It seemed like a good idea; it would be a way for him to ease into the intimacy of making love. Even if they didn't actually have sex tonight, he wanted to touch Lee; he wanted to be with this man, to give himself over to Lee in every way.

It was only his foolish fears that were holding him back, Will told himself firmly. And there was absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Not with Lee by his side.

Will's legs were shaking as he followed Lee into the bathroom; he would have to strip in front of this man, and he was already feeling shy about that. He just hoped that Lee liked what he saw; he didn't think that his body was anything special.

Lee was already pulling off his shirt, and Will admired the long, lean body that the sweatshirt had hidden. He was an incredibly handsome man, both in and out of his clothes.

Lee didn't look like someone who was suffering from cancer, Will thought as the other man bent to turn on the water in the shower and adjust it. Yes, he was lean, but he didn't look emaciated. Maybe that meant that the cancer hadn't done a lot of damage.

That thought made his spirits rise. There was so much hope for their future.

He was going to give his body to Lee tonight, even if they didn't take things all the way. He had already given his heart; there was no reason for a physical giving not to follow that.

Giving his heart had been easy. It had been like falling into eternity, falling but never hitting the ground. Will had never wondered what giving his heart to someone would feel like, because he'd never thought that he would do so. Now that he had, it seemed natural, inevitable.

How could he not have given Lee his heart? Once he had seen those blue eyes and that devastating smile, he was done for. He'd fallen, and fallen hard.

And he never wanted to get back up again.

Will slowly began to remove his shirt, turning away from Lee. He didn't want the other man to watch him undress; it felt awkward and embarrassing to be taking his clothes off.

He turned when he felt Lee's hand on his shoulder; Will looked up into those blue eyes, seeing the desire clearly written in them. Lee wanted him, that much was obvious -- and deep inside, he knew that he wanted Lee, too. He was just nervous and frightened.

Lee drew him into an embrace, wrapping his arms around Will and holding him close. "Will, there's nothing to be afraid of," he said softly, his tone reassuring. "Nothing."

Will nodded, knowing that Lee was right. It was only his mind being ridiculous and trying to hold back; Lee already had his heart. There was no reason that his body shouldn't follow.

Being skin to skin with Lee felt exhilarating; suddenly, Will wanted them to have _all_ of their clothes off, to touch Lee's body without reservation. And he wanted Lee to touch him, too; he wanted to feel those gentle, warm hands all over him.

Stepping back slightly, he fumbled with the button and zipper on his jeans, only to hear Lee's soft laugh as the other man brushed his hands away.

"Let me do that," he said softly, his hands making quick work of the task.

Will closed his eyes as his jeans fell to the floor; he stepped out of them, realizing that Lee was pushing his own jeans down his long legs.

He couldn't say a word; he simply stood and stared. Lee was the most beautiful man he had ever seen; his body, to Will, was utter perfection. Will wanted to take Lee into his arms, to press their bodies together, to hold on to him for the rest of their lives.

Lee stepped closer to him, doing what Will would have done if he could have made himself move. He pulled Will into his arms, his lips meeting Will's in a heady, heated kiss.

Will was sure that he could feel himself melting.

The heat of Lee's embrace seared him from the inside out; he wanted nothing more than to stay here for all of eternity, locked in Lee's arms, feeling Lee's body next to his. But time had to move on; he couldn't stay in a single moment forever, no matter how pleasurable it was.

Lee's hand moved down Will's back to rest just above the curve of his ass, then lower, to cup one rounded, firm ass cheek. Will couldn't hold back a moan.

That hand on his bare skin felt .... he didn't have a word for it. This felt like nothing he had ever experienced before; he wanted that hand to touch him all over, to roam to every part of his body, spreading fire as it went, until he was engulfed in flames.

He had never wanted anything so much in his life. He had given his heart to Lee; now he was giving his body, readily, willingly, with no reservations.

He wasn't going to hold back any longer. He couldn't. There were no barriers between them now, either physical or of any other kind; there was no need for him to hold back. He could give himself unreservedly, knowing that he was loved and wanted.

Lee would accept him as he was, with no questions and no conditions.

They were going to take a shower together, explore and discover each other's bodies. And then they would go to bed together -- to perhaps discover even more. Will didn't know where this night would take them, but he knew that he was ready for it.

He wanted to give himself to Lee -- all of himself, not just his heart, but his body as well. He was throwing away his inhibitions, leaving them all behind.

Will let Lee guide him into the shower, and as he stepped inside and pulled the curtain closed behind them, he could feel his heart leap in his chest. Tonight would be the start of a whole new life for him, and he was prepared to welcome that life with open arms and an open heart.


	11. Only Love Remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being in the shower with Lee somehow seems to make all of Will's fears fade away.

Will lifted his face to the shower spray and closed his eyes, acutely aware of Lee standing behind him. He gasped when Lee's arms moved around his waist and he was pulled back against the other man, a slight shiver going through his slim body.

"It's okay, Will," Lee whispered into his ear. "There's nothing to be scared of. I promise. I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know," Will answered, turning his head slightly to look at Lee. "I'm not scared."

And, amazingly, he wasn't. He was a little apprehensive about what was to come, because he knew that there would be some pain involved. But he trusted Lee to make that pain as brief as possible. And he wasn't afraid of what was happening between them now.

How could he be afraid? He was with the man he loved, the man he adored and wanted to spend all of his life with. He was giving himself to the person who owned his heart.

There was no reason to be afraid, no reason to feel any kind of fear or even apprehension. He trusted Lee in every way.This was just a new experience that he was being led into, one that he wanted to have, one that he welcomed with open arms.

He leaned back into Lee's arms, closing his eyes and giving himself up to whatever Lee wanted to do to him. Whatever it was, he would accept it.

He could feel Lee's erection against his bottom, hard and insistent. But it didn't frighten him; rather, it intoxicated him to know that Lee wanted him so much.

"You're so beautiful," Lee whispered, the words bringing a blush to Will's cheeks.

Beautiful? That wasn't a word he'd ever thought of to describe himself. He supposed he was a good-looking man; he'd never really thought about it. His looks just weren't something that he focused on; in fact, he had always tried to play them down.

He didn't want to be noticed. He didn't want anyone to think he was attractive, or to take an interest in him. Or at least he hadn't until he had met Lee.

He wanted Lee to want him. He wanted Lee to see him in a way that he'd never wanted another person to look at him before. Lee was opening up a whole new world to him, not only a world of sensuality and desire, but a mirror that reflected who he was.

Lee was making him love himself. Lee was making him see himself in a whole new light; for once, he could view himself as being desirable, secure in the knowledge that he was wanted.

Lee was already changing him in so many ways -- all of them for the better.

Lee's hands moved up his sides, then encircled him again. Will was trembling, waiting for whatever Lee was going to do to him; he needed that touch, needed to feel Lee's hands on his body, needed that warmth and desire to push him onwards.

And he needed that touch to steady him, to reassure him that he was loved and wanted and that he wasn't standing on the edge of a precipice that would suddenly crumble and let him fall.

Those gentle fingers were massaging his nipples, sending ripples of pleasure through his body. No one had ever touched him like this before; he had never realized that his nipples could be such conduits of pleasure. Will moaned softly, leaning back against Lee, his knees going weak.

"Does that feel good, sweetheart?" Lee whispered into his ear, his voice soft and loving. "You're going to feel so much more than that tonight, Will. I promise."

"It feels incredible," Will managed to gasp out. He wanted to squirm in Lee's arms, to turn around and touch the other man, but something kept him from doing so.

He wanted to let Lee do what he would, to touch him all over.

Those hands moved down again, down from his chest to his stomach, Lee's fingertips leaving a trail of fire in their wake. Will's breath hitched in his throat as he realized just where those soft, gentle fingers were going; where they would touch him next.

He drew in his breath in a sharp gasp when Lee's fingers touched the curls of his pubic hair, then cried out softly as they wrapped around his half-hardened cock.

Nothing had ever felt this good. Just having Lee's hand on him, clasping him, was almost enough to make him lose control and come right then and there. But he didn't; somehow, he managed to keep himself from letting go, though he didn't know how he managed it.

"You feel so good," Lee murmured into his ear. "I love touching you, Will. I love how you feel under my hands. It's like touching velvet. Your skin is so soft."

"Your hands are soft, too," Will countered, feeling that he had to say something, though words seemed to get confused in his head when all he could do was _feel_.

Lee seemed to understand his confusion; his smile was soft and gentle.

"Don't talk, Will," he said softly, bowing his head to whisper into Will's ear, the words sending a shiver down his spine. "Just let yourself _feel_. Just enjoy everything that you feel. And if you want me to stop, just tell me, and I will."

Will shook his head, wanting to cry out to Lee that he _never_ wanted this to stop. "Don't stop. Never stop," he managed to say before he moaned again, more loudly this time.

Lee's hand was moving slowly up and down the length of his shaft; Will could feel himself growing harder by the moment. He knew that if Lee kept this up, he would come within seconds and embarrass himself, but he couldn't ask his lover to slow down.

He didn't want Lee to slow down. He wanted this delicious touching to keep on and on, to make him come again and again until his body was limp in Lee's arms. He wanted this to go on for eternity, to never have to come back down to earth.

It would end at some point, but he hoped that wouldn't come too soon.

His body was already straining towards completion, his attention focused entirely on the orgasm that was building up so quickly inside him. It was unfolding, uncoiling, already starting to race through his veins with the ferocity of wildfire.

One stroke of Lee's hand from the base to the tip, then another, the movement agonizingly slow. Will caught his breath, his hips jerking forward -- and just as Lee's hand began to move from the base back to the tip, he couldn't hold back any longer.

His orgasm came over him without warning, making him gasp and then cry out Lee's name before his body went limp in the other man's arms.

Lee supported Will as he leaned back, his breath coming in harsh pants, his body trembling in Lee's arms. Lee's hand was still on his cock, his thumb gently stroking over the tip of Will's cock, his breath warm against Will's neck.

"Did that feel good, sweetheart?" he whispered, nuzzling his cheek against Will's. "And that's just the start. I'm going to make you feel so much better that that tonight."

"Promise?" Will whispered, turning his head to smile tiredly at Lee.

"Oh, I promise," Lee said softly, his lips brushing against Will's chin, then pressing a gentle kiss against the corner of his mouth. "This is just the beginning, Will. There's so much more for us to discover together. So much that I want to show you."

"There's so much I want to learn from you. With you," Will murmured, unable to make any more words come to his lips. He already felt boneless, languorous, as though he didn't want to move.

But they couldn't stay here in the shower all night, and he knew it. It was time for them to move into the bedroom, to take this to the next level.

Will could feel his body tightening in anticipation at the thought. He and Lee were going to make love. He was going to lose his virginity. He would have no qualms about that, no second thoughts. He wasn't even afraid any more.

This was going to be wonderful. He knew it. He could sense it. This would be the best night of his life. And Lee as right; it was only beginning. There was so much more to come.

And he looked forward to every moment of it.

Lee reluctantly loosened his hold on Will, leaning forward to turn off the water. As Will pulled back the shower curtain to step out onto the fluffy bath mat, he realized that his hands were no longer trembling. He felt energized, alert, ready for all that was to come.

He couldn't wait for the rest of this night to take place. It was going to be the most memorable night of his life, the most beautiful time he could possibly imagine.

He turned to hold out his arms to Lee as his lover stepped out of the shower, a smile on his face. And as their lips met, all fear was banished, until only love and desire remained.


	12. Something To Live For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee has never felt this kind of desire before.

He was hungry for Will in a way that he'd never been for anyone else.

All Lee could think of was how badly he wanted to get Will into the bedroom, unwrap the towel from around his slender waist, and let his lips and hands roam over that beautiful naked body. He wanted Will under him, moaning, writhing, calling his name.

He wanted to spend hours on foreplay, to arouse Will with his lips and tongue and fingers, then to slide inside him and carry them both towards the stars.

He wanted to leave Will completely satiated, to make his first time something that he would remember and cherish for a lifetime. He wanted them both to look back on this night as one of the best times of their lives, to ensure thatr it was special for them both.

He had never felt such desire, such _need_.

Lee didn't just _want_ to make love to Will; he _needed_ to be with him, to be inside him, to be as one with this man he'd fallen so desperately in love with.

His hunger for Will knew no bounds; he was sure that once he began to touch Will, his instincts would take over and he would find himself devouring this man. He didn't doubt that he and Will would both discover new sides of themselves before this night was over.

He had never felt this tide of desire that overpowered everything else, that blinded him to everything else around him but his need for Will. It wasn't just desire; it was _love_ , the kind of love that he had never thought he would feel for anyone.

Will was his desire, and his love. Will was the man he wanted to live for, the man he wanted to have in his life for the rest of his days, however many they might be.

He was going to make Will his tonight, in every way.

Lee turned and looked into Will's blue eyes once they were in the bedroom and standing beside the bed; he hadn't thought that they would be going this far tonight, but he was more than ready for it. He wanted them both to sate their hunger to the fullest.

He had never hungered for another person in this way before. He had never wanted to make love to anyone so badly. He'd never wanted anyone to be a part of him.

Will had changed the way he looked at everything, turned his life upside down in the best of ways. Now, at long last, he had something to live for, a reason to want the medical trials to work for him. He had the rest of his life with this man by his side.

Without another word, they moved into each other's arms.


	13. All He Desires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making love with Lee is all that Will wants.

This was what he wanted, Will told himself. What he wanted more than anything in the world. To be one with Lee. To have Lee make love to him.

No, not _to_ him. _With_ him. He wanted this man to be a part of him, for the two of them to be together in the physical sense. This wouldn't be one person doing something to the other. It would be the two of them making love to each other.

It was all he could possibly desire.

He loved Lee. He wasn't afraid; there was no reason to be. There was no fear, no apprehension, only desire. A desire so strong that he could almost taste it.

They fell on the bed in a tangle of arms, legs, and tongues; Will wasn't entirely sure where one of them ended and the other began. He seemed to already be a part of Lee; he wanted this man inside him, all over him, melding into him, becoming one with him.

It couldn't happen soon enough. That unity was all he desired, all that he could possibly want. It was all that he craved to make him complete.

He could dimly register Lee reaching for the table by the bed; Will blushed as he indicated the top drawer. "There's lube in there," he mumbled, feeling a little embarrassed at having his lover know that he kept lube handy. "A nearly brand-new tube."

Lee smiled down at him, then leaned forward to brush a kiss across his lips. "It's uncivilized not to use lube when you masturbate," he commented softly. "I'm glad you do."

That went a long way towards alleviating any embarrassment Will felt.

Resolutely, he pushed all embarrassment, all hesitation, all doubts aside. This was what he wanted, what he needed, what he had been waiting for all of his life, He wouldn't let anything get in the way of his own fulfillment, of enjoying what Lee gave him.

He watched as Lee carefully squeezed lube onto two of his fingers, keeping his eyes fixed on his lover's face. He knew that there might be some pain involved, and he didn't want to think about that. He only wanted to think about Lee loving him.

That was the important thing, right? That the two of them loved and desired each other. The pain would be momentary. What they felt for each other would last forever.

Will closed his eyes when Lee gently pushed his thighs further apart, taking a deep breath and letting his body go limp. He needed to relax; he knew that being tense and nervous would only make this first time more difficult, and he didn't want to mess things up.

"Just relax, sweetheart," Lee murmured, his voice soft and loving. "This isn't going to hurt, I promise. Just concentrate on how it feels." One finger circled Will's entrance, then pressed against him gently. It didn't hurt, and Will let himself relax further.

This wasn't going to be hard at all. At least, he hoped not.

He wanted to cry out when that finger pressed inside him, but he didn't. Instead, he only gasped out Lee's name, his muscles instinctively tightening slightly.

Within moments, that finger was sliding in and out of him, making him want more. It didn't hurt, not at all. It was simply a feeling of _fullness_ , though Will knew that Lee's cock would be much bigger than one finger. This was only the beginning.

A second finger joined the first, stretching him further. Will took another deep breath, glad to realize that the first barrier had been crossed, and it hadn't hurt in the least.

He lay back against the pillows, relaxing, opening himself to Lee.

Those fingers inside him gently scissored, opening him further; it felt good, rather than uncomfortable. His hips bucked up, wanting more, needing more.

Lee kept it up until Will was writhing beneath him, his blue eyes beseeching Lee to give him more of what he wanted. Lee smiled down at him, letting his fingers slowly slip out of Will, then moving forward a bit to position himself at Will's entrance, pushing his legs up slightly.

"Are you ready, sweetheart?" he asked, his gaze never leaving Will's face. "I want you, Will. I want to be inside you, to be a part of you. I need you."

"I need you, too," Will answered hoarsely. "I want you to be with me, Lee. I want you to make me yours. In the physical way as well as every other."

Lee nodded, his smile soft and gentle. "Your wish is my command, beautiful," he whispered, before pushing his hips forward and entering Will. Will gasped Lee's name, his muscles tightening around the intrusion. He hadn't expected it to feel so .... _huge_.

But no so huge that it hurt him. There was an even more pronounced feeling of fullness, but there was no pain. A little discomfort, but that was all.

Will closed his eyes, concentrating on the sensations whirling through his body.

He had never felt anything like this. It was as though his body was being stretched to the limit, filled and enveloped, pulled into a maelstrom of sensations.

Nothing had ever felt this _good_. There was a blending of his body with Lee's, the feeling of falling into a warmth and tenderness he'd never known before. It was as though he was burning from the inside out, being consumed by a fall of hot lava that was entirely comforting.

The heat didn't scorch him to a cinder. Instead, it enveloped him, welcomed him, made his body burn for more. This was passion; this was all he desired.

He wanted this feeling to last forever.

There was a quicksilver flash of pain as Lee pushed more deeply inside him, going through his body like a flash. But it was over as quickly as his mind had registered it; the pain didn't affect him at all. He knew it had been there, but he didn't really _feel_ it.

No, all that he felt was a rising tide of pleasure, one that threatened to crash over him and envelop him completely. It was a sensation unlike any he had ever known, taking his body closer to the precipice of fulfillment with each thrust of Lee's slender hips.

His own hips answered Lee's thrusts, meeting his lover's body with his own. A burning need was forming at his core, a need to give as much as he took.

His fingers were digging into Lee's shoulders; he was holding onto his lover for dear life, almost as though he was a drowning man and Lee was his rock in a swirling sea. He couldn't let go, couldn't do anything but ride the waves of sensation that flowed through him.

That wave broke over him with a force that made him cry out Lee's name, his muscles clamping around his lover's cock as Lee pressed inside him once more. Just seconds later, he could hear Lee's own cry and feel the other man's release inside his body.

He was flying through the stars, holding onto Lee as he fell back to earth.

Lee slowly pulled out of him, turning over onto his side and pulling Will into his arms. Will snuggled there, closing his eyes, not wanting to let go of Lee.

He had done it. He had leaped over a chasm that he'd always been terrified to cross -- and he had done it in the arms of the man he loved. He had thought that he would never lose his virginity, that he would never find anyone he trusted enough to let them make love to him.

But somehow, miraculously, he had found Lee. And the two of them had come to together as one, to create something beautiful and special that he would treasure forever.

He would always remember this night. He would look back on it and smile with happiness, knowing that he had given himself to the person who had won his heart. It had been worth waiting for; it had been all he'd desired, all he could have ever wanted.

"That was incredible," Lee whispered into his ear. "You're amazing, Will. I couldn't ask for more." His lips were soft and warm against Will's cheek, the words like a caress.

Yes, this was all he desired. All he could ever possibly want.

"It was," Will agreed, his voice very soft. "I love you, Lee." The words were simple, but they were the only ones he wanted to say at the moment. They were true, every one of them. He loved this man more than he ever would have thought it possible for him to love anyone.

"I love you too, sweetheart," Lee murmured, his lips brushing against Will's parted lips. Will's eyes closed, his body relaxing in his lover's arms.

This was it, then. This was their first night together, only the first night of the rest of their lives. Will felt entirely comfortable, with no more doubts or fears in his way. The path was clear for him to have a future with Lee, a future that he couldn't wait to experience.

His lips curved into a soft smile as he drifted off to sleep.


	14. Faith in Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At long last, Lee feels that he finally has a real reason to live.

This was the best dream he could ever have hoped to have.

Only it wasn't a dream, Lee told himself as he propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at the man who was sleeping peacefully beside him. Will was no dream. He was a sweet reality.

Lee couldn't help but smile, his spirits rising at the thought. This wasn't what he had expected to find when he'd traveled across the country to DC.

He still didn't know if the clinical trials were going to work for him, but now he had even more fo a reason to want them to. He wanted to live. He _needed_ to live, to spend a lifetime with his newfound love.

He'd never had such a reason to live.

Oh, he had wanted to hold on to life before, but that had been for purely selfish reasons. He'd simply been too afraid to die, to stop existing.

But now, he had a reason to live that went beyond anything he'd ever felt before. He had to live for Will, for the long, full lives that they would have ahead of them. He couldn't simply slip away and leave his Will alone, to be broken and lonely for the rest of his life.

No. He couldn't do that to Will. Will needed him here, needed him to be strong, needed them to be together. He was going to fight for life with everything he had.

Before he'd met Will, he had wanted to live, but he had been drifting along, living in a dream world somewhere between truly living and preparing to die.

Now, everything had changed. He was in love with a wonderful man, a man who gave him the strength to live and make something out of that life. A man who gave him the courage to face the fight that lay ahead, rather than simply giving up and giving in.

He wasn't going to die. He wasn't going to give up. He was going to fight for his life every step of the way -- and he was going to _win_ that fight.

For Will. For all the dreams that they would share.

They had so many dream in the future to make come true, dreams that he couldn't wait to get started on. So many dreams of his own that he wanted to fulfill, dreams of a love that he'd thought he would never find.

He had found that love with Will, and he wanted to enjoy every second of it. He wanted to live to a ripe old age, with that love always growing in his heart.

Yes. He was going to live. Lee took a deep breath, closing his eyes and feeling strength surging through him. This was what Will did for him. Will revitalized him, made all of his dreams come to life.

He had faith in those dreams. And in the two of them.


	15. Moved To Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will never knew that just an expression on someone's face could touch his heart.

Will awakened very slowly, the night before coming back to him in bits and pieces. The memories made him smile; every one of them was precious.

Lee had made love to him last night, and it had been more wonderful than he could ever have imagined. It had been everything he'd ever wanted, everything he had dreamed of. He hadn't wanted the night -- of the physical experience -- to ever come to and end.

But it had, as he could tell from the feel of the warm sunshine streaming into the window to play across his face. Sooner or later, he had to get up and face the day.

But not just yet. He wanted to lie here in bed for a while and luxuriate in the memories of the night before, and in the feeling of knowing that he was loved and desired. It was a new feeling for him, one that he wanted to savor and never let go.

He wouldn't have to let that feeling go. He and Lee would spend their lives together, here in Wolf Trap. They'd be together forever, and they would be happy.

If the clinical trials worked for Lee, that was.

Will pushed that thought away as soon as it coalesced into his mind. He didn't want to think about the trials not being successful, about the possibility of Lee dying. Surely fate wouldn't be that cruel. It wouldn't snatch Lee away from him, not when they'd only just found each other.

Though he, more than most people, knew that fate was fickle and cruel. He didn't doubt that fate _would_ take Lee from him, and laugh while doing so.

No. He wasn't going to accept that, he told himself firmly. He and Lee were going to spend their lives with each other. The trials _would_ work for him. There was no reason for them not to, no reason why he and Lee couldn't have a wonderful future.

He was going to think positively.

He _had_ to think in positives. He had to believe that he was going to lead a long and happy life with Lee, or he would break down in tears.

That was the last thing he wanted, not on this morning after the first time he and Lee had made love, the first time that he'd ever been with anyone. Lee was his first, his only. He wanted no one else; he would never be with another person.

Nobody else could be what Lee was to him. Nobody else could lift him to the stars in the way that Lee had, or give him the kind of pleasure that Lee did.

No one else could ever touch his heart in the way that Lee had. This man owned his heart, for good and all time. He _belonged_ to Lee.

He could never feel this way about anyone else. He could never give himself to another person the way he had to Lee, with his entire body and soul. He could never open his heart to another person, not after having known this one shining, perfect love.

Will smiled again, turning over and opening his eyes. What he saw before him brought tears to those blue eyes, almost making him want to sob aloud.

Lee was looking down at him, a smile curving those beautiful lips.

The look of love on those perfect features, the expression on that face that he had already come to love, was what did him in. He was moved to tears; without warning, he could feel the wetness seeping from his eyes, slipping down his cheeks.

He hadn't meant to cry. He didn't _want_ to cry. But the tears were drawn out of him against his will, the emotions rising to the surface.

Will didn't think that he had ever been touched in this way before; certainly he'd never been moved to tears by anything in his memory. But just the way that Lee was looking at him, the true, pure _love_ he saw in those blue eyes, was making him cry.

He had never seen such love in anyone's eyes before. Never.

And that love was directed at _him_. Lee Fallon loved _him_. Not just for a night, or for a little while, but for a lifetime. For an eternity.

He could see eternity in those eyes. He could see the promises for a future together, for a lifetime of happiness that they would share. He could see so much in those eyes, so much that Lee wanted to share with him. So much that he wanted them to do together.

"Why are you crying, my love?" Lee's voice was soft and gentle; Will could hear the concern in those words, in the tone of Lee's voice. He could hear the love.

"Happy tears," Will managed to murmur before Lee wrapped him in those strong arms, holding him and kissing his hair, moving one hand up and down his back. He slid his own arms around Lee's waist, holding him close, never wanting to let him go.

Yes, they would go through life together. And it would be a happy life, he told himself. A life that he intended to hold on to with everything that he had.


	16. Transformed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard for Lee to believe that he and Will could both be so transformed by one night of passion.

Will looked absolutely transformed today.

Lee watched his boyfriend as Will puttered around the kitchen, making coffee, starting to scramble eggs on the stove. He had thought that this man was beautiful before, but now, the morning after the first time they had made love, he was utterly stunning.

There was a light that seemed to emanate from him, a brightness that hadn't been there before. It was as though a veil had suddenly been ripped away.

Pulling back that veil had revealed a new Will, a gorgeous, shining creature who was even more irresistible to Lee than the man he had first met. Had them making love caused this, or was there something more? Lee had to wonder about that.

Just what had caused this amazing transformation?

Love, Lee told himself with a smile. It wasn't just because of their physical union, though that had a lot to do with it. It was because Will had fallen in love.

And so had he, Lee told himself, leaning back in his chair. A love that gave him everything to live for, a love that had already grown to such great proportions within him that he was determined more than ever to beat this cancer and to live a long and happy life.

With Will in his life, he would be happier and more fulfilled than he had ever been. Falling in love had made all the difference as to what he intended to do with his life.

Of course, he had intended to fight the cancer when he'd come here to take part in this clinical trial. But there had been so many trials over the past few years, so much hope that had ended up falling flat. He had almost started to wonder if the fight was worthwhile.

Now, looking at Will, he knew that it was. He _had_ to fight. He had to grab on to life with both hands and hold on with everything he had.

Now, he had so much more to live for than he ever had before.

He had Will in his life, a man who he loved and desired. If that wasn't enough to make him fight for life, then nothing was. He'd never had such a compelling reason to live; just looking at Will made his soul fill with joy, made him want to embrace life.

How could he not want to fight for every moment of life he could have, now that he had such an amazing man by his side? It would be foolish of him not to.

Will made life look brighter than it ever had.

Especially this morning, transformed as he was. Lee couldn't stop looking at him; it was as though Will had become even more stunningly beautiful overnight.

Could such a simple act as making love, and falling in love, make someone look so completely and utterly incandescent? Lee had to smile at the thought; he himself had fallen head over heels in love, and he was sure that he didn't look nearly as good as Will did this morning. 

Or did he? he wondered. Maybe, in Will's eyes, he looked just as transformed, just as beautiful. Maybe that was what falling in love could do.

He wouldn't know; he had never been in love before. Oh, he had _thought_ that he was in love, but it had never been the real thing. Not before Will.

Will Graham was the love of his life, the man who had captured his heart and would always hold it. Will was one in a million; no, he was one in a universe full of people. Lee was sure that no one else in the world could ever make him feel the way that Will did.

He'd never expected to fall in love like this. He had never thought that this kind of love existed. But Will was proof that it did.

And his transformation was only part of that love.

Lee had to smile at the thought that _he_ could make someone look so incredible, at the idea that he was someone who could be so utterly loved.

Again, that was a marvel to him. Just the fact that someone like Will could fall in love with him too his breath away; even before the cancer, he had never thought of himself as someone who another person could fall madly and totally in love with.

Yet somehow, a wonderful man like Will had done just that.

How had he gotten so lucky as to have Will's love? It wasn't something he'd planned on, or something that he had thought would happen when he came here.

Instead, everything seemed to have just fallen into his lap, as if fate had decreed that for cone, things were going to go right for him. Maybe that also meant that fate would let this clinical trial work for him, and the cancer would finally be eradicated for good.

Lee hoped with all of his heart that was true. Surely fate couldn't be so cruel as to bring Will into his life, and then snatch life away from him far too soon.

No, fate was capricious, but it wouldn't do that. Not to the two of them. He deserved better -- and so did his beloved Will. Will deserved to have a lifetime with someone he loved, someone who would care for him. He should be given that chance at love.

He wanted the chance he was being given at life; he wanted to spend a lifetime with Will, protecting him, loving him, making him happy.

And in that, he would be happier himself than he had ever been.

Will turned to him, putting the scrambled eggs on the table. "There you go," he said, smiling at Lee. He turned back to the counter to take toast out of the toaster, then set that in front of Lee as well. "Just let me make some bacon, and breakfast will be served."

"You're spoiling me!" Lee told him with a soft laugh. But he had to admit that he loved it. And he loved seeing Will looking so carefree and happy.

"I want to do it," Will told him, his voice very soft. "I want to do everything for you, Lee. I want to make you happier than you've ever been. Because _you_ make me happier than _I've_ ever been." He turned back to the stove with a smile, preparing to fry the bacon.

Lee could do nothing but sit back, feeling happy and content.

Will had just said that he made him happy, and that was all Lee needed to hear. As long as he made Will happy, then he himself was happy.

He and Will had both been transformed by the love they had discovered within each other. He felt like a new man, and even though he knew that the clinical trials ahead of him might be grueling, he was more than willing to face them, if it meant spending a lifetime with Will.

One night with the man he'd fallen in love with had changed everything for him. He, and his entire life, had been transformed with a happiness he hadn't thought he could find.

He intended to hold on to that happiness and keep it close to him for all time.


	17. Life, Interrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cancer may have interrupted his life's forward momentum, but thanks to Will, things are back on track for Lee again.

Lee headed out of the hospital with a smile on his face, hope singing in his heart. The first day of the clinical trials were over, and they had given him a lot of hope. 

He _was_ going to beat this cancer, and he _was_ going to have a wonderful life with the man he'd fallen in love with. This cancer had just interrupted his life; it had been on hold for a while, but it back on the right track now.

He was moving full steam ahead. He had found a reason to live, a reason that overrode everything else in his life. A reason to want a happy future.

That reason had been gone from his life for so long. Lee didn't think it had been there for quite a while, even though he had been going to clinical trials and pretending that he was fighting for his life. In truth, he had given up already, deciding to let go.

But now that he'd met Will, he had a new resolution to let his life go on. He had never wanted to live as much as he did now.

He wanted to live for Will.

They deserved to have a long and happy life together. Will deserved to have someone by his side who loved him, someone who would make all of his days bright and happy. Someone who would satisfy him physically and emotionally.

Lee desperately wanted to be that man. He wanted to spend every day of Will's life with him, to make those days bright and beautiful and joyous.

And, of course, he wanted that joy for himself, too. He wanted to know that he had a long life ahead of him with the man he loved, a life that he could count on, a life that wouldn't be interrupted or stalled by a disease that he couldn't control.

He _would_ live. He'd promised Will that he would.

Lee didn't take that promise lightly. He intended to make up for the drifting he'd done in the two years before he'd met Will, by living life to the fullest.

At one time, he'd thought that he was tired of fighting, that if cancer insisted on usurping his life and finally taking it, that he would just let it happen. He had almost given up, feeling that his life had been brought to a screeching halt by the disease.

But Will had given him a reason to live again, a reason to see light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a very long tunnel, but he was determined to traverse it.

He would make it through, and come out on the other side.

And he would have Will with him, he thought with a smile. He would have Will's love in his heart, and he'd have a lifetime to love Will as he deserved to be loved.

That was all he was thinking about now, the fact that he and Will would be together. Cancer wasn't going to beat him, not now that he had someone to live for. It might have interrupted his life for a while, but he wasn't going to give it the satisfaction of winning.

It might be an uphill battle. It might not be an easy fight. In fact, he was sure that it wouldn't be. He'd have to claw and scrabble for every bit of forward momentum.

But he _would_ win this fight, Lee told himself firmly, no matter how hard it might be. He would do it for his Will, because he had promised.

Today had given him new hope, made him feel a surge of optimism that he hadn't felt since the last trial he had been involved in, over six months ago. He felt that he really had a fighting chance this time, that this trial could work for him.

It had to. If it did, then that would mean he and Will had a future, one that they could start planning without worrying that it might be suddenly cut short.

He was going to think positive. He was going to _believe_.

There was no reason for him not to. This trial really sounded like it could work for him, though of course, he wouldn't know the outcome for a few weeks.

It might be encouraging, and it might not. If it was, then there would be some exhausting months ahead; he would be in and out of a hospital while the treatments got more intense. But that would all be worth it if the cancer could be eradicated.

Lee wanted that more than anything. He wanted to have a clean bill of health, not only for himself, but for Will and for his lover's happiness.

And for their future. A future that he desperately wanted.

He would fight for his life as he'd never fought before. He would make sure that he won this fight; he had to win. For Will. For them. For the future. He could see that future up ahead of him, burning brightly, giving him something to strive for.

And he could see Will, standing there at the end of the tunnel, smiling and holding out his arms. Will. The man he loved with all of his heart and soul.

He was gong to beat this cancer back, and he was going to make sure that it was gone from their lives. He had never felt so confident of his ability to do so; Will made him feel invincible, like he could do anything. He _would_ do this. He was sure that he could.

Will gave him that strength, that belief.

Will made him not only want to fight the cancer that had seemed to take over his life for the past few years, but to be a better person.

And he would, Lee told himself firmly. Will would make him a better person. Being in love felt as though it had already changed him; he felt more energized, and somehow, he felt softer and more accepting towards the world. Love made him .... well, _nicer_.

The cancer had interrupted the course of his life, but he was getting it back on track now. With Will in his life, he was finally moving forward, instead of marking time.

His life might have been interrupted, but thanks to meeting Will, it was back to moving ahead, Lee thought as he got into his car and turned the key in the ignition. He was going to keep moving forward, and he was going to grab life by the balls and make it go his way.

He had all the hope in the world now. With Will by his side, his life was going to keep getting brighter -- and he was going to live every moment to the fullest.


	18. On the Wings of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee can't help but worry about the uncertain future that seems to lie before him.

Lee had never thought that he could love anyone this much.

How was such love possible? he asked himself as he looked down at the young man slumbering by his side. Will looked happy; his lips were curved into a slight smile, and the small lines on his face had smoothed out when he slept, making him look even younger.

It was still hard for him to believe that he'd found Will, that such an incredible man could have fallen in love with him. But somehow, it had happened.

This kind of happiness didn't seem real, Lee felt as though he was living in a dream, a dream that couldn't possibly last. Sooner or later, he would wake up alone, and discover that none of this was real, that Will was only a figment of his imagination.

No, he told himself firmly, that wasn't going to happen. This _was_ real, this _was_ his life, and his life had become a very good place to be.

The clinical trials seemed to be going well so far. Two weeks in, and the medication was working for him. It still remained to be seen if it would keep working, though; it usually took six to eight weeks to know for sure whether it was having a beneficial effect.

So what would he do when it all fell apart?

Lee tried to push that thought away from him, but it stuck in his head, like a black cloud determined to rain on his parade of happiness.

If the trials didn't work for him, then he would simply find one that did. Now that he had Will, he wasn't going to sit back and be complacent, just hope that one trial would work and then halfheartedly go on to the next when it didn't, as he'd done for the past two years.

He'd gotten tired of fighting, tired of trying to be optimistic. But before Will, he hadn't had a reason for any optimism. Now, he had every reason to want to live.

Love had given him that reason, he thought as he looked down at the sleeping man by his side. He had never expected to be swept away on the wings of love, but now that he had, he would do anything he had to do to keep that love in his life.

And to keep his life, he told himself. He had to live. For Will. He couldn't just abandon the man who had given his heart, body and soul to him. It wouldn't be right.

Will needed him. And he needed Will.

Will deserved to be loved; Lee was appalled that he'd had so little love in his life before now. And he was determined to stick around and give Will that love.

He deserved someone who was going to be around for the rest of his life, that little dark voice in the back of Lee's mind whispered. Will deserved better than a man who was slowly dying of cancer, a man who couldn't give him any assurances of a secure future.

Lee pushed that voice away, closing his eyes and refusing to hear it. That wasn't true. He _was_ going to beat this. He _would_ have a future with Will.

Nothing was going to take him away from Will, including this damned cancer. They were going to have a life together, a long and happy one.

He had found Will on the wings of love, and now that love had swept him away, he fully intended to hold on to it. He was going to fight every step of the way for the life he was building for himself, fighting to stay with Will and to love him for years to come.

Failure wasn't an option, Lee told himself firmly. And this time, if he was lucky, he had fate on his side. He certainly had love on his side.

Those wings of love would wrap around him, and keep him with Will.

That might be a silly thought to some people, but it was one that kept him going. He wouldn't give up. Not this time. He had too much to live for.

What if he only had a short time here with the man he loved? That worry tore at him; sometimes it hit him like a ton of bricks. The last thing he wanted was to linger on such depressing thoughts, but he couldn't keep them out of his mind.

Those thoughts usually attacked him when he was at his most vulnerable. Not when he was lying here beside Will after they'd made love and Will had drifted off to sleep.

He wanted to push them away, but they were burrowing into his head, refusing to let him sleep. Worries of the future, worries that things wouldn't work out the way he wanted them to. Worries about what Will would do without him, about how he would cope.

Will would find someone else, Lee told himself sadly. He was young and beautiful; there would always be people out there who wanted him.

But would they love him as Lee did? He didn't think so.

They'd been brought together on the wings of love, and something like that happened once in a lifetime, if ever. Lee was positive that if the trials didn't work, that if his life was cut short, Will would spend the rest of his life mourning what they had lost.

Which meant that he _had_ to live, Lee told himself, his inner voice firm and strong. He had more of a reason to embrace life now than he'd ever had before.

These trials _had_ to work. If they didn't, it wouldn't be easy to find another one -- and if he did, it might take him across the country again, away from Will. That was the last thing he wanted. He didn't want to leave his boyfriend while he was dealing with this.

He couldn't go through another clinical trial alone. This would have been the last one he'd have tried, if he hadn't met Will. He would have simply let himself go.

But he wasn't alone now, Lee told himself, feeling his heart lift as he raised a hand to gently stroke Will's hair. He would never have to be alone again. This trial _would_ work for him. He could feel it in his bones, in his heart and soul. This would be the one.

And then, they would have the rest of their lives to fly on the wings of love.


	19. It Must Be Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling in love with Lee is the greatest magic Will has ever known.

Will put the last of the dishes into the dishwasher, a smile on his face.

How had he gotten so lucky? How had things worked out so well for him? It still seemed like the dream, the way his life had fallen into place.

He hadn't been looking for love or romance, hadn't thought that he'd ever find them. And then, somehow, Lee had more or less simply fallen into his lap, like an angel from heaven. All it had taken was one look, one smile, and he'd fallen head over heels in love.

It didn't seem possible, not for him. Love? Not for the person who had always felt that he was out of step with the entire world, and that no one understood him.

But somehow, miraculously, it had happened. He was in love -- and wonder of wonders, the object of his affection loved _him_ just as much. It was wonderful dream come true that he never wanted to end. It was like magic.

What he and Lee shared _was_ magical. He wouldn't have believed that he could be this happy if he wasn't experiencing it firsthand.

How could it be possible? How had this happened?

It must be magic, Will told himself with another soft smile as he sat down at the kitchen table. That was the only explanation for it. A wonderful, perfect magic that had somehow smiled on him, and decided to make his life a beautiful place to be.

There hadn't been much beauty in his life before Lee, Will reflected. There had only been work, and the dogs. No close friendships, and certainly no romance.

But then, he hadn't wanted to be romantically involved with anyone until he'd met Lee. There had been no one who'd interested him. Oh, he'd tried to pretend once that he had an interest in a woman, to be more like everyone else, but that had failed miserably.

Lee was all he had ever wanted, all that he would ever need. Lee had brought love crashing into his life like the proverbial ton of bricks.

It must be magic, being able to feel like this so quickly, so unexpectedly. There was no other word for what he felt. Magic, fate, kismet -- he couldn't put one word to the feeling that actually felt _right_. But he didn't need a word for it. Not really.

All he needed to know was that they loved each other.

It was enough to feel like this, to know that he loved Lee and that Lee loved him. He didn't need a word for what they shared; just feeling it was enough.

The people he worked with had already begun to suspect that something had happened in his life; Jack had remarked that he seemed happier, and so had Beverly. He hadn't told them yet that he'd met a wonderful man and that he was in love.

They didn't really need to know. Because if they did, they would immediately only see the fact that Lee was a cancer patient. They would look on the dark side.

Will didn't want that. He didn't want to think of the possibility that Lee could die, that the trials wouldn't work for him. He wasn't going to worry about that.

He was going to stay positive, and hold out hope for the best. The trials _would_ work. Lee had been through so many of them now that he _had_ to find one that would work, that would grant him a long and happy life and a definite future.

They were both going to hold on to that hope. They were both going to believe that there was a future for them, one that would last for a very long time.

They were going to be touched by magic.

He had to believe that. He had to hold on to the hope that the trials would work, and that Lee would have a chance to build a future with him. If he let himself believe otherwise, then so much of the light that was in his life now would disappear.

Will resolutely pushed those thoughts away; he wasn't going to let them color his happiness and bring it down. Those thoughts weren't even worth acknowledging.

That was why he hadn't told anyone about his relationship with Lee. He was sure that if anyone he worked with found out that Lee had cancer, they would immediately begin cautioning him about the relationship, and even try to make him turn away from it.

He wasn't going to do that. He was going to spend the rest of his life with Lee, and they were going to be happy together. They were going to last far into the future.

Anyone who focused on the down side, once he told people about his relationship, would be ruthlessly cut out of his life for good. If they couldn't be positive, and believe that he and Lee would have a long and happy tuture, then he didn't want to be around them.

He would only associate with people who believed in them.

Anyone who didn't believe in the magic that surrounded him and Lee wasn't someone he needed to be around. He didn't want anyone bringing him down.

If things took a turn for the worse .... Will's mood darkened momentarily at the thought, then he steadfastly turned his mind away from it. They would deal with that when and if it happened. But for now, he was going to believe in the magic.

It must be magic that surrounded them. There was no other word for the way they'd fallen in love, for the happiness that now embraced him.

Did Lee think of it as magic, too? Will was sure that he did. It must be magic, this feeling of utter happiness that wrapped around him and was keeping him safe and contented. Only magic could have taken his lonely, cold world and turned it into this.

Magic ... and love. The thought warmed his heart, made him feel happier than he'd ever been. He couldn't stop smiling, couldn't stop the joyous surge of his heart.

Falling in love was the greatest magic he had ever known.


	20. On the Winning Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee is sure that this time, he'll win the victory he's so desperately hoping for.

Lee smiled as he left the hospital, feeling renewed and optimistic.

He hadn't had a treatment today, but he'd been talking to the doctor who was running the trials, and he was very positive about Lee's progress.

The trials appeared to be working well for him at this point. Of course, it was too early to be sure; there was no way to know if the treatments were going to be successful for several more months. But so far, it was all going well.

This was the first time a trial had worked for him past the first month, and he couldn't help but start to feel optimistic. This time would finally be the one that worked. 

This time, he was going to have a future.

He'd be able to build a life with Will. The two of them would be together for a lifetime, growing old together and falling more deeply in love.

That was all he wanted. The chance for a life with Will, a life that he hadn't thought he could have until he'd come here and just happened to meet the love of his life, the man he wanted to spend eternity with. It felt as though that life was within his grasp now.

If only he could have that, then he would be a happy man. 

He didn't need riches. He didn't need notoriety. He needed nothing a life with the man he loved, a life that would last far into old age.

Maybe he was crazy to think that this trial would work, when so many others hadn't. But he was sure that he could taste victory at last.

He'd almost given up. He'd been so close to not coming here.

But something had told him that this time, he would come out on the winning side; this time, he would have the chance to achieve victory, to kick cancer's ass for good. He'd somehow felt that his destiny, and his happiness, awaited him here.

This time, things were going to work. He was going to be positive and believe that with all his heart. He had to believe. For Will. For their future.

He had to win this time. Victory _would_ be his.

It was about time he came out of that long, dark tunnel on the winning side. There had been too many letdowns before, too many times when he'd had to accept bitter defeat, disappointment that had tasted like ashes in his mouth.

He had been so close to giving up. But now, he had more reason than ever to push for that victory. He'd do it for Will. He'd try his hardest, fight to the end.

There was a spring in Lee's step as he walked out to his car and opened the door. He felt happier and more positive than he had in a very long time, and that positivity was due to the victory that he could sense in his near future. 

A victory that was richly deserved.


	21. Hold On To Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will desperately wants to believe that this trial will be the one to finally work for Lee.

Everything seemed to be going so well right now.

Still, Will couldn't help wondering how long that would last. He knew that these treatments seemed to be working well for Lee, but he still worried.

What if the treatments stopped working? What if Lee found that he had to go somewhere else to take part in more trials, had to leave here to prolong his life? What if he died away from Will, the two of them parted with their future unrealized?

He didn't want to think like that, but he couldn't help it. Sometimes it was so hard to be strong, so hard to keep believing that things would work out for them.

Lee was better at that than he was.

it didn't mean that he loved Lee any less than Lee loved him, Will told himself firmly. It simply meant that he wasn't as good at being optimistic, that he had more of a tendency to look on the dark side of situations. He had to stop doing that.

He had to have faith, had to hold on to the positivity in their lives. If he didn't then he could be the cause of Lee getting depressed -- or even giving up.

That was the last thing he ever wanted to happen, Will thought, biting his lip. He wanted Lee to be positive and cheerful, and more than anything, he wanted these treatments to _work_. He wanted Lee to be declared cancer-free, and for their lives to be normal.

Losing Lee wasn't an option. Not now, and not ever.

How would he manage to get through every day without the man he loved by his side, now that he'd known what it was like to love?

He didn't want to think about that possibility. Without Lee in his life, he had been a ferociously lonely man; he had gotten through each day, but his life had been little more than an endless procession of days that never seemed to have any real meaning.

Oh, he'd enjoyed teaching, and enjoyed doing things in his free time like fishing and hiking in the woods with his dogs. But now, his life had changed so much.

Love had come flooding into his life, and he welcomed it with open arms. Lee had changed everything about him, and it was all for the better.

He was so much happier now, more open, more optimistic. Living with Lee had made it seem as though all the colors around him were brighter, sounds were sharper and more melodious, that everything was so much more beautiful than it had ever been before.

Falling in love had changed his whole perspective. And he loved it. He loved feeling like a changed man, as though the world had opened its arms to him in welcome.

Before, he'd always felt as though he was on the outside looking in.

Now, everything in life was so sweet, so precious. And he had to hold on to the faith that it would stay this way, that Lee _would_ get better and that he would kick cancer to the curb for good. Lee was being so optimistic about this; he had to be like that, too.

So, no more thinking that this might not work and that Lee would have to be separated from him to go on to another drug trial. He wouldn't let that thought mess with his head.

He was going to hold on to faith, to believe that Lee would be all right. It might not be the easiest thing he'd ever done, but he would manage it, for his love's sake. Lee didn't need any negative thoughts bringing him down; he needed Will to be positive.

And really, Lee _did_ look a lot better.

Will smiled at that thought, feeling his heart lighten. Lee looked better every day; even if he wasn't glowing with health, he didn't look like a cancer patient.

He smiled a lot, and he seemed happier than Will would have thought he'd be, given that he knew the trials weren't the easiest thing for him to deal with. But Lee was in love, just as he was, and love could lift people above the worries and stresses in their lives.

Love certainly lifted _him_ higher than he'd thought he could ever be, Will thought with a smile. Love had changed his life for the better.

He hadn't looked for it, or thought he'd find it, but he welcomed it with open arms.

And now that he had that love in his life, he didn't intend to lose it. He wanted to do everything he could to keep that love strong, to make sure that it lasted.

He would also hold on to that faith, right along with Lee. He had to keep his spirits up, had to encourage his boyfriend and support him, no matter what might lie ahead of them. And he _did_ desperately want to believe that this treatment was the one that would work.

Most of all, he wanted the two of them to be happy. To have a long life together, one that justified all of the faith that they were holding on to in the present.

Somehow, that future seemed much closer than he had thought it would.


	22. Awakenings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee comes up with a wonderful way to wake Will up in the morning.

Lee rolled over in bed, sliding one arm around Will to pull him close.

He loved waking up like this, with his boyfriend's warm body in bed beside him, knowing that Will would be there to share the day with him.

Even if he was going to the hospital on that particular day to take part in the drug trials, it was still nice to wake up in the morning beside the person he loved, to start the day with a kiss and a smile. He hadn't had that in so long, and never in this particular way.

He'd been in love before, yes, but never as deeply as he loved Will. This man was his soul mate, the person he was destined to be with.

Lee loved feeling this way, loved knowing that he had finally found the place where he fit in, that he'd finally found the love of his life. It was as though all of the puzzle pieces had finally clicked into place for him, and he had finally come home.

Not only that, but this drug trial was working well for him so far. It seemed very positive, and he had every reason to hope for a bright and happy future.

But at the moment, he only wanted to think of the here and now.

Lee moved closer to Will, spooning behind his boyfriend, tightening his arm around Will's waist. His other hand moved down, slowly, to rest between Will's thighs.

Slowly, gently, he wrapped his fingers around Will's cock, beginning to stroke him, his hand moving up from the base to the tip. It felt good to have Will in his hand, to know that he could wake his lover by giving him pleasure. It made him feel .... powerful.

He'd never woken Will this way, but he didn't think that his boyfriend would mind it. In fact, he was sure that this would be something they'd both enjoy.

It would be a lovely way for Will to start the day.

Within a few moments, he'd worked up a slow, languid rhythm, and his hips were undulating against Will's bottom, almost of their own volition.

Lee knew exactly when Will awakened; he didn't have to see the fluttering of those long dark lashes, or catch the first glimpse of those blue eyes opening. He could feel Will's body tense, then relax, sinking into the rhythm of Lee's hand on his cock.

Then Will's hips were pushing back against his own, wanting, needing. Lee smiled, increasing the rhythm, moving faster now, pushing Will towards the edge.

This would be just as pleasurable for him as it was for Will, really. He didn't need to have an orgasm to feel fulfilled, when he knew that he'd pleasured Will.

It was a good feeling to know that he had someone to do this with, someone who loved him and appreciated being pleasured, being held and loved. He had longed for someone in his life, someone to hold, someone to love. And now he'd found that person.

Not just someone, but _the_ one. The one he had bonded to, the one who his heart and soul reached for every second of every day.

The one he loved, and would always love, until the end of time itself.

He could feel Will's muscles tighten, the other man's body going tense in his arms. Just another few gentle strokes, another few seconds, and Will would topple over the edge.

it made Lee feel good to know that he could give his boyfriend this kind of pleasure, that _he_ was the one who could make Will feel this good. It was almost enough to make him feel that same keen knife edge of pleasure, enough to send a thrill through his body.

When Will came, he cried out Lee's name, his body spasming in his lover's arms. Lee held onto him, his arms tightening around Will's slender waist to pull him close.

Those aftershocks of pleasure made him feel invincible.

He could almost feel them going through his own body, the pleasure engulfing him just as it did Will. He didn't doubt that he'd be awakened in this fashion soon enough.

Will relaxed back against him, then turned around in Lee's arms to face him. Those blue eyes were shining with love; the expression on his boyfriend's face took Lee's breath away. There was so much love written on those beautiful features, love that was meant just for him.

"That was absolutely amazing," Will murmured, raising a hand to stroke Lee's cheek. "I owe you one, baby. I'm going to have to do that for you sometime."

"There's no hurry -- but I'll admit, I'd love for you to do that," Lee answered with a soft smile. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Will's soft fingertips stroking his cheek. "I love it when you touch me," he said softly, pulling Will closer against him.

"Then maybe I should get started on that payback a little sooner than we'd thought I would," Will whispered, his hand moving down Lee's body.

Within another few moments, Lee was the one moaning with pleasure.


	23. Rapturous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing has ever felt as right to Will as the rapture that being in Lee's arms brings him.

Will looped his arms around Lee's neck, drawing his boyfriend down for a kiss, one that started gently but quickly grew hot and passionate.

What Lee had done only moments before felt wonderful, but he knew that his boyfriend couldn't have gotten much physical satisfaction out of it. He wanted to give Lee that satisfaction, let his lover feel the same kind of pleasure that he just had.

What he really wanted was for Lee to make love to him.

"I want you," he whispered, his voice soft and husky. "I want to feel you inside me, Lee. I want us to be joined. I want to be one with you."

"That's what I want, too," Lee answered, his voice soft in the quiet room. "I want to make love to you, Will. It isn't an offer I could ever turn down." His smile flashed, making Will feel almost dazzled with the brightness and love he saw there.

"Then make love to me," Will said softly, lying back against the pillows and spreading his legs wider, as if in invitation. "That isn't something I could ever turn down, either."

In answer, Lee rolled over on top of him, the meager weight of his slender body pressing down on Will. He could feel Lee's erection against his inner thigh; it was obvious that he was wanted, that knowledge sent a thrill of desire coursing through his body.

Knowing that Lee wanted him made him feel invincible. No one else had ever made him feel like that; no one else ever would.

Lee leaned over him, bending down so that their lips met.

That kiss showed him everything that Lee felt; all the love, all the desire, rolled into one movement, one slight press of their lips to each other.

Will's arms tightened around Lee's neck, pulling him down; he was ready and willing, wanting Lee with all of his heart even before they'd started to do anything physical. He knew that there would be preparation, but a part of him didn't want to wait for that.

He just wanted to have Lee inside him, for his boyfriend to be joined with him, for their bodies to be as one, with no barriers at all between them, either emotional or physical.

Will was sure that Lee wanted exactly the same thing.

He almost held his breath as his boyfriend reached for the lube on the bedside table; he knew what was coming next, and he enjoyed that as much as the sex.

There was something magical about feeling Lee's fingers inside him, stretching him, preparing him, those long fingers brushing against his prostate and creating gentle waves of sensation within his body. Only Lee could give him that pleasure; no one else would ever touch him like this.

Will's hips arched upwards, a soft moan coming from his throat as Lee's fingers pressed inside him. There was no pain, no discomfort; only a slow, insidious pleasure.

That pleasure surrounded him, engulfed him; it was almost overwhelming in its intensity. But Will knew that an even more intense pleasure lay in store for them both.

When Lee's fingers were replaced by his cock, sliding into Will slowly, gently, he cried out his lover's name, his arms wrapping around Lee's neck to pull him down for yet another passionate kiss at the same time that his his arched up again to meet Lee's thrust.

Nothing had ever felt so good, so _right_. The rapture that he felt whenever their bodies joined had no words; nothing could describe this bliss.

It was pure, unadulterated joy.

He'd never known this kind of pleasure with anyone else before, and never would again. Lee was the only one for him, the only person he ever wanted to be with.

There was no one in his life and in his heart but this man; no one else would ever be there, or in his bed. He didn't want to even think about the possibility that he and Lee could ever be parted, not when they were this close, this wrapped up in each other.

They belonged together, and always had. And after far too long, they had finally found each other, finally found the love that each of them was seeking.

That love was blissful, rapturous, perfect.

Already he was gasping, his body tightening, spiraling upward to find the peak of pleasure. This wasn't going to last for long, but it didn't need to.

It was enough that they connected like this, that Lee took him to heights that he had never before been able to even imagine. It was enough to know that they belonged to each other, that they could give each other this kind of utter rapture.

Well, he hadn't made love to Lee yet, but he would. That was coming in the future -- a wonderful future that they would share, and grow even closer than they already were.

When Will's orgasm burst over him, he felt as though he was flying through space, touching the stars, then descending back down to earth again to land safely in Lee's arms. He couldn't speak, couldn't move, could only lie there, wave after wave of pleasure washing over him.

He had never dreamed that he could feel this kind of rapture, not with anyone. Not until the miracle of Lee bursting into his life like a rocket across the heavens.

This was all he wanted, all that he would ever need.

Lee slowly pulled out of him, rolling over onto his side and gathering Will into his arms. Will almost wanted to protest, but knew that he couldn't.

They would have many, many more times when they made love. This one was far from the last. And really, lying in Lee's arms, the afterglow of their lovemaking spreading through him, was just as good as making love. He felt so close to Lee, as if they were part of each other.

They _were_ a part of each other, Will told himself. They couldn't share this kind of unbridled rapture between them if they weren't.

Lee was everything to him. His heart, his soul, his love, his very life.

"You're amazing," he whispered, knowing that they needed no words to solidify the bond between them, but wanting to say something anyway. He closed his eyes, relaxing in Lee's embrace, knowing that they had to get up and start the day soon.

But not just yet. For now, they could let themselves bask in the rapture of what they felt for each other, and let the future wait for just a little while.


	24. No More Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After what feels like a lifetime of running, Lee has finally found his home in Will.

It felt so good to finally stop running.

H'd been running ever since he'd found out about the cancer, Lee thought as he turned over in bed and looked down at the man sleeping next to him. He didn't want to run any more.

He had been trying to outrun the cancer, to outrun what he'd come to think of as his fate. He'd been trying his best to put it behind him, to ignore the fact that he was dying. But he had slowly begun to feel that no matter how hard he tried, the end was inevitable.

Of course it was, he told himself. It was inevitable for everyone. He'd just had the rotten luck to know that his end would come long before it should.

But now that he had Will, he didn't have to run any more. 

Will had changed everything in his life, changed it for the better. He didn't have to keep feeling that he was being pursued by a relentless fate.

He could finally stop running, Lee thought with relief. These clinical trials seemed to be working well for him, and he had more hope for the future than he'd had in a long time. Not only that, but he'd found the love of his life, and didn't intend to let go.

Will was everything to him, all that he'd ever wanted or needed. And he knew that Will felt the same way about him. He couldn't doubt that.

Every time he looked into Will's intensely blue eyes, he saw love. No one had ever looked at him like that before, as though he was the center of their universe. No one had ever loved him, or wanted him, in the way that Will did. He'd never thought he could find that kind of love.

And now that he had, he wasn't going to give it up. Will was the love he'd always wanted, the home that he had never ceased to search for.

Nothing was going to take him away from his home, from his love.

If this clinical trial ended up not working, he would simply go on to the next one, he told himself firmly. He had a reason to keep fighting, to hold on to life.

He'd never had that reason before, and there had been a couple of times when he'd almost given up and told himself that there would be no more trials, no more hope. He was tired of fighting was could only be seen as a losing battle.

But now, he had new hope. This was a battle that he couldn't afford to lose now that he wasn't only fighting it for himself. He had to keep fighting, for Will's sake.

Will would be lost without him.

Was that really true? Lee thought with a soft sigh as he watched Will sleep. Did Will really depend on him so much now, or was he merely deluding himself?

Will had been through so much in his life, been betrayed by so many people. Lee wanted to make sure that it never happened again, that Will was happy and fulfilled for the rest of his life. He wanted to give Will all the happiness in the world, and then some.

Was it really fair to keep him in a relationship with someone who was still battling a fatal disease, someone who might not have much of a future?

No, he wasn't going to think like that, Lee told himself firmly. He was going to be positive, to believe that this would be the treatment that worked for him.

If he didn't stay positive, then it would be far too easy to sink back into the depression that he'd managed to lift himself out of more than once. It would be too hard to keep going -- and that could result in him deciding that he had to start running again.

That would hurt Will more than anything else, if he made the decision to turn away and walk out of Will's life, even if it _was_ for Will's own good.

He couldn't do that. He couldn't keep running.

The only running he should be doing now was in the marathons that he enjoyed participating in. There would be no more running in the personal sense.

He'd made a commitment to Will, one that he intended to honor. He had let his heart become entwined; he could no more leave this man now than he could rip out his own heart and hold it in his hand, and expect to still live and breathe.

Will _was_ his heart. Will was his home, his happy ever after. Will was his _destiny_. There was no way that he could walk away. Not now, not ever.

Too many walls had come down; too many barriers had been broken.

There was no running away now, no matter which way the future turned. He had made a commitment to this man, and he wasn't backing down on it.

Still, was it fair to Will for him to assume this early in the game that they had a future together? If the trials didn't work, if things turned around on him, then he would have to find another trial, and that could take him away from Will for months at a time.

No, that wasn't going to happen. He was going to believe in this; he was going to _make_ things work with the positivity of his thoughts.

Lee sighed, closing his eyes. That had never worked before, had it?

But this time was different, he reminded himself. This time, he had so much to live for that he'd never had before. He had love, and bright future ahead of him.

This time, there was much more at stake than just him continuing to live his life. There would be no more selfishness, no more thinking only of himself and what he wanted. Now, he had Will to consider. He had the person he loved by his side.

Lee smiled as he watched Will, reaching out to smooth his love's tousled hair. Yes, he'd had far too much of running. This time, he was staying right where he was.

There was no reason to run any more. He had found his home, found where his heart belonged. And if these trials took a turn for the worse, then he and Will would work things out. He didn't know what they would do, but he wouldn't leave. He wouldn't run.

There would be no more running. Not ever again. No running, no hiding, and no looking back. He was right where he belonged, where he had always been meant to be.

And this was where he would stay. Not just for all of his life, but for always.


	25. Fool's Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee realizes that his treatments might not be going as well as he'd hoped they would.

It felt like everything was going to hell.

Lee straightened up and looked at himself in the bathroom sink. He looked like hell; he was pale, and almost gasping for breath.

He had been so sure that he was on the road to recovery, that this clinical trial was going to be the one that finally worked for him. He'd been doing so well -- but now, it felt as though he'd had a major setback. Suddenly, things weren't going his way at all.

It had started this morning, when he hadn't been able to eat. He had waited until Will was in the shower to run to the bathroom at home and throw up.

He hadn't told Will about it. He couldn't bring himself to.

He didn't want to scare his boyfriend, didn't want Will to deal with the anxiety and the fears that he himself would have to start living with again.

But what if his fears were true? What if the trials were no longer working for him, and he would have to start looking for a new one to give him hope again?What if his health was backsliding, and he would have to begin thinking about his own mortality?

He hadn't felt as though he had to do that for the past few weeks, and it had been the best feeling he'd ever had, to be so worry-free.

He should have known, Lee thought despairingly. He should have known that recovery wasn't going to be so easy, just because he was in love and had been so happy.

He'd thought that fate had decided to smile on him, but it seemed as though that wasn't the case. This was still going to be hard; he couldn't count on being pain-free, and he couldn't depend on being in love to keep him safe and happy.

This was what he got for trying to live in a fool's paradise, he told himself bitterly. He and Will had both been deluding themselves, lulled into a state of happiness.

How was he going to tell Will that things were now moving backwards?

Telling Will wasn't something he could put off. His boyfriend would know; he would sense it. He would _see_ it for himself.

Lee sighed softly, resting his head in his hands, not wanting to look at his face in the mirror. This couldn't go on, he told himself. Either he had to know whether he was backsliding and would have to look for another treatment, or he had to get good news about this one.

He couldn't keep dealing with feeling like a yo-yo. Either his recovery was positive, or it wasn't. There would be no middle ground here.

Either way, he would have to tell Will, and he didn't know what he was going to say.


	26. A Bump in the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee fervently hopes that the setback in the clinical trials is just temporary.

"What do you mean, it might not be working?"

Will stared at Lee, the beginnings of comprehension dawning on his features. A look of horror passed over his face, a look that Lee hadn't wanted to see.

"I mean just what I said, Will," Lee told his lover quietly, reaching across the kitchen table to take Will's hand. "There's a chance that the trial might not be working as well as I thought it was in the beginning. There was always that possibility, you know."

Will shook his head, grasping Lee's hand and closing his eyes. He didn't want to hear those words, didn't want to believe that they could be true.

Lee looked at him sadly, his blue eyes brimming with tears that he was determined not to let fall. He wasn't going to cry. That could come later, once they'd found out for sure if this trial had been yet another futile attempt to reach for something he couldn't have.

But it hadn't been a waste of time, Lee told himself firmly. Being here had brought him to Will, and he had found love. He'd found the best thing that had ever happened to him.

No matter what happened, he loved and was loved.

Nothing else really mattered, did it? As long as he had Will by his side, he could face anything that might be thrown his way.

Well, he had no choice in that, not really, he thought wryly. If the trials didn't work, he would have to face yet another derailment of his dreams; only this time, it would be worse, because he had such high hoped of his life being brighter in the future.

Finding out that he might not _have_ a future would make all of those dreams crumble to dust -- and Will's dreams along with them.

He couldn't bear the thought of that happening.

He didn't want to see sadness when he looked into Will's beautiful blue eyes. He wanted to see laughter and joy, the promise of a new day.

He only wanted those eyes to reflect the happiness of being in love, of having found a soul mate. He hated to think of the sadness that would be there on a permanent basis if these trials didn't work, and Will had to watch him decline.

That wasn't going to happen, Lee told himself firmly. They didn't know for sure that the trials weren't working. There were always a few setbacks, especially at the beginning.

He might just be having a bad reaction, one that would settle down after the next few weeks. They couldn't take anything for granted at this point.

He wasn't going to lose hope, not yet. This trial had, so far, worked better for him than any of the others he had been a part of, and it was still too early to give up. There was no need to think that it wouldn't work. This was just an early bump in the road.

Lee squeezed Will's hand gently, wanting to tell his lover all of that, but at the moment, he was unable to find the words.

If he started speaking, he was sure that he would burst into tears.

But he knew that he had to put his conclusions into words, if only to assuage Will's worry. He didn't want his boyfriend to stress. Not over this.

Maybe there would be some cause for stress later on, but for the moment, he had to reassure Will, to let him know that this wasn't yet the time to start worrying. "Will, it's early days yet. This is just a little bump in the road. I don't want you to start worrying."

"How can I _not_ worry?" Will answered with a soft sigh. "All I'm going to be able to think about is that this might not be working, and that I'll lose you."

That was exactly what Lee had been afraid of.

"This isn't the time to worry. Not yet," he said softly, wishing that Will would believe him. "I just wanted to give you a warning, that's all."

Will nodded, but Lee could already see the sadness starting to build in the back of his gaze; he knew that his boyfriend was already afraid of losing him, terrified that this idyll they shared would be all too brief, and that it would have to end sooner rather than later.

"I don't want to see you sad," he said softly, squeezing Will's hand again. "I can't bear that, Will. I want you to be happy when we're together."

"I-I'll try," Will whispered, swallowing hard. He took one deep breath, then another. "If these trials don't work, then we'll just have to find one that does," he said, his voice stronger now. "Because I'm not giving you up, and I'm not letting you go. Losing you isn't an option."

Lee nodded, smiling a little tremulously. Will wasn't going to fall apart. He was taking this well, better than Lee had thought he might.

And he was right. Losing was _not_ an option. Not now.

He wasn't going to let either of them be sad, Lee vowed to himself. They had to be brave and strong, and to stay optimistic. He wouldn't let sadness overtake either of them; not now, when they could have so much hope, and so much to look forward to.

Lee prayed that their hope would be justified.


	27. A Sliver of Coldness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will doesn't want to contemplate the possibility of a future without Lee.

There was a good chance that he could lose Lee. Forever.

Just the thought of going through the rest of his life without the man he loved, having to get through every day alone, made Will feel cold all over.

He didn't want to think about that possibility, though if he was brutally honest with himself, he had always known that it was there. He had simply tried to push it aside and fool himself into thinking that because they were in love, the cancer would magically go away.

But that wasn't going to happen. This was going to be a fight -- and it might not be one that they could win, no matter how hard they tried.

Just thinking of that possibility that Lee could die made the tears spill over.

WIll squeezed his eyes shut, trying to push the thought away. If he didn't think of it, then it wouldn't happen. Lee would be safe, here with him.

He sighed even as he thought of that solution, shaking his head as though to clear it. That wasn't true. If he didn't think of the situation that Lee was facing, then he was just burying his head in the sand and hoping that it would go away, and he knew that it wouldn't.

They both had to face the future, and the serious possibility that they might not have one if this clinical trial didn't work as well as it had seemed to at first.

If it didn't, then there was nothing either of them could do, other than Lee finding another trial to take part in, and hoping that the next one would work for him.

The idea of that made a cold chill run down Will's spine. What if Lee _had_ to find another trial -- and then had go out of the country to take part in it? He could die far away from Will; they could be separated for months, possibly even years.

He wanted to cry at the thought; he wanted to put his head in his hands and let the tears come, to bawl like a baby and let his emotions out, give them free rein.

Will took a deep breath, trying to hold those emotions back.

He wasn't going to cry. That wouldn't do either himself or Lee any good. All he could do was to be there for his lover, to be as supportive of him as he possibly could.

And if Lee had to go out of the country, if this trial didn't work and he had to look for something else, then they would somehow deal with it. Their relationship wouldn't end because of some distance. Their feelings for each other were far too strong for that to happen.

Again, a sliver of coldness touched his spine, threatening to slide into his heart. Will pushed ti away, trying to think positive, good thoughts.

He knew that he and Lee would need all the positivity they could muster.


	28. Not Without A Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee is determined to fight the weakness that overcomes him on his bad days.

He felt better today. There was no pain, no weakness.

But Lee had no idea how long that would last. He could feel great for days, and then the weakness would take over again, knocking him on his ass.

He hated feeling so weak, hated knowing that he couldn't hold it together all of the time. He was just glad that Will didn't expect that of him. He could lean on his boyfriend when he needed to; Will was a strong shoulder, and he appreciated that.

He hadn't had that in far too long, Lee told himself. There had been nobody in his life who he could cling to in the way that he did with Will, not for a very long time.

Had anyone _ever_ been there for him in that way? 

Oh, he'd had friends who had stuck around for a while and tried to be supportive, but they hadn't loved him in the way that Will did. They hadn't held him to their hearts.

Maybe some of his friends _did_ love him -- but not in the way that Will did. Not with their entire hearts and souls. Will gave him the kind of love that he'd never thought he would have, the kind of love that was written about in romance novels.

The kind of love that he'd always wanted, and now that he had it, he didn't want to let go. A fairy-tale love that made him feel complete.

He wasn't going to give that love up without a fight, Lee told himself, his inner voice strong and firm. There was no way he was going to check out before he had to.

It would be a long fight, and the weakness would be with him all the way, always conspiring against hm. It wasn't going to simply back off because he'd found love, and he wanted to make the most of that love and live a long and happy lifetime.

But he didn't have to give in to that weakness. He could fight it, and show it that he wouldn't back down. He didn't have to let it win. Cancer wasn't fatal. Lots of people beat it.

He would be one of those people. He _would_.

He would do it not only for Will, but for himself -- for the happiness that he had always wanted that he'd now found, for the life that he wanted to build with his lover.

That weakness would be pushed back; he would beat it, with Will's help. He'd done it before, and he'd come through on top, even though he had never managed to go into a long remission. Maybe this time would be the one that finally brought him out of the woods.

That was what he wanted, more than anything else, Lee told himself. A life with Will, a future to look ahead to, where that weakness didn't attack him any more.

Today was one of the good days. Maybe they would keep getting better.


	29. Nepenthe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being close to Will can help Lee forget the pain he's dealing with on a daily basis.

Lee wrapped his arms around Will, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

He loved cuddling with Will like this, loved feeling the warmth of his sleeping boyfriend's body in his arms, next to his own, loved hearing the soft susurrus of Will's breath.

Being with Will made him feel better, even when he'd had a bad day. Even though he was starting to think that this drug trial was yet another bust, that it wasn't going to work for him in the way that they'd hope, just being with Will like this took some of the pain away.

Maybe it was crazy to think that being in love could literally make him well again, could beat the cancer. But love seemed to be doing a lot fo help him forget his suffering.

No, that wasn't entirely true, he told himself.

He never completely _forgot_ the pain. It was never far away; the suffering was always there, just over the next hill, around the next corner, waiting for him.

But Will made it better. Just seeing his boyfriend's smile, knowing that Will loved him and was there for him, made him feel as though he could take on the world. Seeing that smile raised his spirts, made his soul sing, made his heart leap in his chest.

Okay, so maybe love wasn't going to cure him. But at least it was helping him get through a difficult time in all the ways that counted most.

He wanted a cure, wanted it desperately. But he knew that love alone wasn't going to magically make the cancer disappear. It would take a lot more than that.

Even though love wouldn't cure the disease he carried within him, it went a long way towards making him push away the pain he dealt with every day. It never completely went away, but knowing that he had Will in his life helped him get through that pain.

Somehow, when he thought of Will, the suffering seemed less. And when his boyfriend was in his arms like this, it almost completely disappeared.

Love couldn't cure him, but he was amazed by what it _could_ do.

Love was a _nepenthe_ , helping him to forget his pain and suffering. Love made him feel strong, even when he knew deep inside that he wasn't.

He needed to feel strong, needed the confidence that being in love gave him. It helped him face up to what he was dealing with, helped him to stay strong and not become lost in despair, as he'd come close to doing far too many times before.

He wasn't going to sink into that despair, Lee vowed to himself. He was going to let his love for Will make him strong -- and he would hold on to that strength with everything he had.

This was the fight of his life, and he would rise to the challenge.


	30. Worth Fighting For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will doesn't want to believe that fate would be so cruel as to snatch love away from him when he's only so recently found it.

He didn't want to think about losing Lee.

The very thought made Will's heart clutch in his chest, made his breath stop as if it was frozen in his lungs. The thought made him want to cry, to scream.

But none of that would do himself or Lee any good, so it wasn't worth expending his energy on. Will drew in a long, deep breath, then let it out slowly. It was something that Lee had taught him to do when he felt as if he was starting to stress out too much, and it seemed to work.

He hated the thought of what might be ahead of them, but it wasn't something he could turn his back on. He couldn't simply bury his head in the sand and ignore it.

If only he could, and it would magically make things better.

But that wasn't possible, and he knew it. He had to face up to what they were dealing with, and take things one day at a time, as Lee had told him.

Loss was something he had learned how to deal with well enough; it seemed like his entire life had been one of loss. He'd lost family, lost friends; he had leaned to distance himself from people, and even from his own emotions, to deal with those losses.

But this time, that would be impossible. He couldn't distance himself from Lee, and he couldn't push away what he felt for this man.

It had taken him so long to find love that he wasn't going to turn his back on it now, even though it might be painful at times. He was going to think positively, to believe that he and Lee could overcome this, that the cancer could indeed be beaten.

What if he was wrong? a little voice in the back of his mind piped up. What if this was an uphill battle that Lee could never win, and it only led to heartbreak?

Will steadfastly pushed that thought away, but it wouldn't leave.

He didn't want to think about the fact that Lee might not live. He didn't want to think about losing the man he loved. Nothing had ever hurt so badly as that thought; he knew that if it happened, he would never get over it. He would spend all of his life mourning what he had lost.

That was a loss that couldn't be glossed over, a loss that had no recovery. That loss would always haunt him, and he would never be the same.

He'd never lost someone he loved, not in this way. Oh, he'd lost people who he cared for -- his parents, a few close friends in the past. But he had never lost a lover, and he'd always considered himself lucky that he hadn't had to deal with that kind of pain.

Would it be possible for him to deal with it?

Will didn't want to find out the answer to that question. Losing Lee wasn't an option, not now, not at any point. It simply couldn't be allowed to happen.

But what if Lee's disease had other ideas? The thought clutched at his heart; when he raised a hand in front of his face, he realized that he was trembling with dread and fear. The mere thought of losing Lee made him feel weak and sick.

It wasn't fair, he told himself. Life couldn't let him find the most incredible love he could ever experience, and then cruelly snatch it away from him.

Fate wouldn't be that cruel. It couldn't be. It had already dealt him enough blows; finding love should be a blessing, not something to dread having taken away from him.

That wasn't exactly true, Will thought with a sigh. He knew from bitter experience just how capricious fate could be; he didn't trust fate, didn't trust its whims. He knew better than most people how easily something he treasured could disappear in a heartbeat.

He would do all that he could to keep Lee by his side, he vowed, his hands clenching in his lap. He would fight for Lee, fight for the love they shared.

He wouldn't let fate intervene in their lives without putting up a damn good battle.

It might be an impossible fight. He and Lee might end up losing. But they would have their time together, however long it might be. And they would both fight for every moment of that time, fight for all that they could get. Neither one of them would give up.

Love was worth fighting for. It was the _only_ thing worth holding on to in this life, Will told himself. It was the only thing that truly mattered.

Giving up on love, turning away from it, would only exacerbate the sense of loss. It would only make him wonder if he could have held on to that love if he only he'd been willing to fight a little harder, if only he had stood up to fate instead of turning away like a coward.

He wouldn't be a coward. He would see this through.

Doing that would mean facing the possibility of losing Lee. Will closed his eyes against the pain that flowed through him at the thought, seeming to engulf him for a few moments.

He didn't even want to acknowledge that fact that it could happen; thinking about that kind of loss only felt as though ti was bringing the possibility closer, making it seem more frightening, more _real_. But he had to accept the fact that the loss was a very real possibility.

It would be the worst loss he had ever suffered in his life if it happened. That was why he would fight so hard against it, do whatever he could to make sure it didn't occur.

Losing Lee would be like losing a part of himself, a part that could never be replaced. He would still be able to exist; he would still walk this world. But he would be a shadow of the person he had been; he would only be half a person without Lee by his side.

He'd never believed that he would find love, but now that he had, accepting the fact that he might have to let it go was proving impossible for him to do.

He couldn't lose Lee. He _wouldn't_. He refused to even consider that he could.

That kind of loss would devastate him. Would he even be able to live after enduring a loss like that? Would he want to live? Could he endure it?

Everything in Will's heart told him that he couldn't. Losing Lee would destroy him; he might have a pathetic existence after that kind of loss, but it wouldn't be a life. He would be a shade, a cipher, drifting through the rest of his days with no meaning, no purpose.

He didn't want to live without Lee. An integral part of who he was would be gone, the part that wanted to go on living. Without his love, life would hold no savor.

With an effort, he pushed those thoughts away.

He wasn't going to focus on the possibility of loss, Will told himself firmly. He was going to focus on being positive, on helping Lee as much as he possibly could.

They were going to get through this. The trial was going to work -- and if not this one, then the next one. The two fo them would keep fighting Lee's cancer, and it would go into remission. Fate would grant them a long and happy life together. He _had_ to believe that.

He had to stay positive, had to stay focused. And more importantly, he had to make sure that Lee stayed positive. They had to hold on to hope, every last bit of it.

Loss would never be an option. Not for either of them.


	31. Unthinkable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee refuses to let himself give in to despair, even though the clinical trial doesn't seem to be effective.

Lee winced as he sat down behind the wheel of his car, closing his eyes.

He hadn't felt this bad since he'd begun this clinical trial; he had to face the fact that perhaps this would be yet another disappointment.

If that was the case, then he would have to look around for another trial, and try to get his name on the list for it. That was really all that he could do; and if it meant being separated from Will for a while, then he would have to deal with that as best he could.

The very thought made him want to cry; he idea of being away from Will for even a day or two was enough to make panic skitter through him.

Being away from Will was unthinkable.

He thought back on all the people he'd known who had left to take part in clinical trials who had died while they were gone, people he'd cared for and had never seen again.

He had learned not to let himself care too much about people; too many of them disappeared from his life all too soon, and he couldn't help feeling that he would someday do the same to people who cared about him. He didn't want to put Will through that.

But would it be even worse to simply accept defeat, to stay here with Will and waste away, and make his boyfriend have to watch him fade away day by day?

No, he couldn't do that to Will. That would be more painful for both of them than if he died a long way away from Will, without his love by his side.

The very thought of his life ending without Will being there with him was enough to make tears come to Lee's eyes, wobbling around the edges of his vision before spilling over. He wiped at them angrily, knowing that tears wouldn't do him any good.

He wasn't going to sit here and feel sorry for himself. He wasn't going to accept defeat. He still had a lot of fight in him -- and now, he had something to fight for.

He wasn't going to just fade out of Will's life. 

He wouldn't accept defeat. He _wouldn't_. He had far too much to live for now that Will was a part of his life. He hadn't found love so recently just to give up on it.

Will deserved better of his lover than that. He didn't deserve to have the person who loved him slink away from him, even if that was meant to spare him the pain of watching his loved one die. He wouldn't leave, no matter what happened. He would stay, and he would fight.

With that thought firmly in his mind, he fastened his seat belt, started the car, and drove out of the parking lot. His spirits rose as he thought of going home to Will.

Defeat was not an option. He would fight. And he would _win_.


	32. Surrounded By Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stars in the night sky look close that Will is sure he can reach up and touch them.

"It's beautiful here." Lee's voice was soft, almost dreamy.

Will glanced over at his lover as the two of them lay on the hillside near his house, looking up at the night sky stretching above them.

There seemed to be a million stars in the sky; Will was sure than even if he were to try, he could never manage to count them all. He didn't need to count them, anyway; it was enough that they were there, twinkling overhead, their beauty there for him to drink in.

"It really is," he agreed, his voice very soft. He almost didn't want to speak; he was afraid that if he did, words would break the spell of tranquility surrounding them.

It felt as though the night was magical, enchanted.

Just looking up at the stars stretching overhead, Will felt that they were enclosed in a cocoon, in their own safe space, surrounded by stars.

He was sure that if he tried, he could reach up and touch them. They were glittering pinpricks of light, there against a velvety indigo sky; like diamonds sparkling over his head, there for the taking. He wanted to bring one down from the sky and present it to Lee.

He knew that he couldn't, of course. It wasn't possible to reach the stars. But for now, for these precious moments, he wanted to feel that he could.

"The stars look like they're so close," he whispered, raising a hand toward the sky. "I feel like I could just reach out and touch them, and pull them down."

"So do I," Lee said, his voice hushed. "I feel like they're surrounding us. Maybe this sounds weird, bit it's almost like the sky is this big blanket spangled with stars that we can wrap ourselves up in and feel safe and warm and protected. Like we're surrounded by stars."

Will blinked, looking over at Lee again; it was amazing how his boyfriend so often seemed to be thinking along exactly the same lines as he himself was.

Just another indication that they were perfect for each other.

It was simply more proof that he'd found his soul mate, the person he belonged with, Will told himself with a smile. Lee was so much like him, so in tune with him.

Someday, they would reach the stars together, he thought, focusing his gaze on the star-spangled night sky above them. They would touch those stars, gather handfuls of them, give them to each other. They'd look down on the earth and smile from the heavens.

But that wouldn't be for a long time to come, he told himself firmly as he reached for Lee's hand and twined their fingers together. First, they had a long life to lead _here_.

And he wanted to make the most of every second of that life together.


	33. Catch A Falling Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stars look so close that if one fell, Will is sure that he could catch it, wish on it, and make all of his dreams come true.

Lying here watching the night sky with Lee was magical.

Will wished that he could reach up and touch those stars, that he could bring one of them out of the sky and present it to Lee, blazing brightly in his hands.

He wanted to give his boyfriend something beautiful, something that would last forever. In his heart, he knew that even if Lee were to be lucky enough to beat cancer, and live a long and full life, it still wouldn't be enough time for him to be with his love.

He wanted all the time in the world for the two of them. He wanted to wish on a star and make that dream for more time come true, to make time stand still in this moment.

If one of those stars were to fall out of the sky right now, he would catch it.

He would wrap his arms that star, let it suffuse him with its light and its energy. Then he would give it to Lee and let it bring his boyfriend into that light.

It would hold them both close inside its circle of protection, make them feel as though they were filling with all of the life and love that the world could hold. That star would bind them together, from now until the end of time, and never let them wander from that light.

But stars didn't fall out of the sky, Will told himself, holding back a sigh. At least, not in the way that he'd envisioned. Life simply didn't work that way.

He might be able to catch a falling star in his dreams, but things like that didn't happen in the real world. It was only a beautiful dream, one that couldn't last.

Still, he could dream, couldn't he? Will asked himself, reaching for Lee's hand as they lay on the hillside and stared up into the velvety darkness of the night sky. Those stars spangling the sky _did_ look as though they could easily be caught.

And if they could .... well, then he would wish as hard as he could on that star, and he would do everything in his power to make sure that his wish came true.

If only those wishes could be fulfilled, life would be perfect.

He _would_ catch a falling star, even if it was only a virtual one, Will vowed. He _would_ wish on that star, and hold on to his dreams.

Those dreams were of his future with Lee, of the two of them building a life together, free from the worry of Lee's cancer. Those dreams were free of fear, free of the cloud that always seemed as though it was hanging directly over their heads.

That falling star would chase away those dark clouds, and leave them with a bright, sunny day. If life could work out that way, then it would be the best thing ever.

Will lay there, looking up, waiting for a star to fall.


	34. Practical Solutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will wishes that he could sweep Lee away to an alternate universe where cancer doesn't exist.

Why did life have to be so unfair?

Will sighed softly at the thought, wishing that he could just push it away and forget about it. But he knew that wasn't possible. He could never forget.

The fact that Lee was batting a terminal illness was a thought that was never far from his mind. It was a fight that his lover might not win, and that, too, was something that he could never keep out of his thoughts. It was always with him, as much as he wanted it not to be.

He hated the thought that Lee might be fighting a battle that couldn't possibly be won. And he hated that there was nothing he could do to help.

Oh, he did what he could. But somehow, it never seemed like enough.

Will didn't feel that he did enough for Lee. Being supportive was really all he could do; he couldn't help his boyfriend fight the effects of the experimental drugs he was taking.

There were times when those drugs helped Lee, and there were times when he was so weak that he had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. The effects seemed to be up and down, good one day, bad the next; it was frustrating not to hve them level off.

But at least they held out some hope; Lee's doctors had told him that he was getting slightly better in the last two times he'd seen them.

He wished that he could simply whisk them away from all this, obliterate their worries, take them into some kind of alternate universe where cancer didn't exist.

That would be perfect, wouldn't it? Will asked himself, propping his chin on his hand and staring off into a distant space that only he could see. Lee would be all right, strong and healthy, and they could just look forward to spending the rest of their lives together.

That was the problem with this world, wasn't it? he thought with a sigh. Lee would spend the rest of his life with Will -- but Will wouldn't spend the rest of his life with the man he loved.

Lee would be gone long before his own life was over and done.

The thought brought tears to his eyes, tears that he didn't feel he had the right to simply brush away. They were tears for Lee and their future, after all.

Those kinds of tears didn't deserve to be wiped away and forgotten about. They were tears cried from the heart, tears that told of love and hope and time. But he couldn't sit here and indulge them, as much as he wanted to. They were, in the long run, useless.

Maybe in that alternate universe he dreamed of, they would do some good. But here, what he and Lee both needed was hope, and practical solutions to their problems.

Solutions that didn't seem to be in the cards for them.


	35. A Treasured Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will gets his boyfriend a surprise gift that he hopes Lee will treasure.

Will hoped that the surprise he had for Lee would be appreciated.

He wasn't entirely sure what had possessed him to do this, but he'd wanted to do something for Lee, to give him something that expressed .... well, _love_.

Maybe this wasn't the kind of gift that would spell "love" to most people, but to Will, it seemed like one of the best ways to express his feelings that he could possibly have thought of.

It had been a spur-of-the-moment decision, but one he was now glad he'd made.

He looked down at the puppy sleeping in the basket, smiling as he petted the little dog's head. He hadn't been sure about this, but once he'd seen her, he hadn't been able to resist.

Another dog added to the menagerie they already had wouldn't hurt anything, he told himself. And this would be _Lee's_ dog. The others had been Will's before Lee had come into his life; he wanted his boyfriend to have a pet that he could call his own.

Lee loved dogs; he had often told Will about the two dogs he'd had when he was a child, one when he was a little kid and the other in his teenage years.

Getting him a puppy couldn't be a bad idea. Not at all.

Besides, he'd read in a magazine that it could give people who were under a great deal of stress comfort just to be able to pet a cat or a dog. So that was a good thing, too.

Really, that was what had made him decide that he needed to get Lee a pet. He knew that his boyfriend enjoyed having the other dogs around; he never started a day out without petting all of them, and he even liked having one of the smaller dogs sit in his lap while he was reading.

So having his own puppy would bring a lift to Lee's spirits -- or, at least, that was the plan, Will told himself. He just hoped that his gift had the requisite effect.

The puppy raised her head and yawned just at the moment that Will heard Lee's car door slam outside. He smiled, petting the little dog again.

He waited to turn his head until Lee came in; his boyfriend didn't look overly tired today, as he had for much of the past couple of weeks. He sent up a silent prayer of thanks for that; Lee would be in a good mood, and the gift of a puppy was certain to go over well.

"Somebody wants to meet you," he said softly as Lee walked around the couch and stood staring down at the little dog. "She's been waiting for the last couple of hours."

Lee's eyes widened as his gaze took in the puppy.

"Is she .... mine?" he asked, kneeling by the couch and laughing as the small dog enthusiastically licked his face. "Will, did you get her for me? I love her!"

"I thought you would," Will said softly, smiling as he watched his boyfriend with his new puppy. This _had_ been the right thing to do; he could already see a bond between Lee and the puppy, and when the other man raised his face to look at Will, his smile glowed.

"You'll have to pick out a perfect name for her," Will murmured, blinking back happy tears. "A name that she'll be proud to have, and one that fits her."

"Treasure," Lee said softly, looking into Will's eyes. "Her name is Treasure."

The name seemed to hang in the air, to roll on Lee's tongue as he pronounced the two syllables. And when their eyes met, Lee's gaze said all that Will needed to know.

This puppy would be loved and cherished, simply because Will had given her to Lee. She would indeed be treasured, by both of them.

Will looked down at the puppy with a smile. Somehow, that name couldn't have seemed more perfect.


	36. No Guarantees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee lets himself give in to bittersweet thoughts while he's waiting for Will to get home from work.

Lee looked at his watch, sighing when he saw the time.

He couldn't expect Will to be with him all the time; that would be silly. His boyfriend had a job, things that had to take care of. He had responsibilities.

It just seemed that they should have more time together, especially when it felt as though that time was being taken away from them far too rapidly. There were days when he was sure that this clinical trial was going to be another failure, and he would have to try to find another one.

The good days _were_ outweighing the bad ones lately, but that was no indication that this trial would be a cure for him. There were no guarantees.

That was something Lee knew all too well.

Every moment that he had with Will was precious to him, which was why he wanted more. He was greedy for time with his love, hungry for it.

All too soon, that time could be even more limited than it was now. Lee didn't want to think about what the future could hold if the trials took a downturn for him; he didn't want to think about the possibility of leaving this world, leaving behind all the happiness that he'd found.

That happiness had come to him so recently that he was sure the gods wouldn't be so vengeful as to take it away from him so cruelly.

Treasure, sitting in his lap, whined and pushed her cold nose into his hand. Laughing softly, Lee petted her, his fingers stroking her small head.

He knew that once he was gone, Will would take care of Treasure. He would love her simply because she had been Lee's puppy; that was the kind of person Will was. But it would break his heart every time he looked at her, and remembered the past.

That thought made Lee's eyes fill with tears. He had a good life now, a life he wanted to hold on to. But at the same time, it was so bittersweet.

He knew in his heart that he would leave this life long before he was ready.

He would have to leave his love behind, along with everything else that he cherished. It wasn't what any of them wanted, but it was inevitable.

He would never be able to see Treasure grow up, never be there for so many moments that he could share with Will. The thought made his eyes fill with tears; impatiently, Lee brushed them away, trying to fill his mind with more positive thoughts.

There was always the chance that the trials would work, that he would have a reprieve. He had to hold on to that hope with everything that he had.

He wouldn't give up hope until he knew for certain that there was none left.


	37. Bad Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are days when Lee can't help feeling an overwhelming sense of defeat.

This was definitely one of the bad days, Lee thought with a sigh.

Not only was Will working on a new case, and probably wouldn't be home until late this evening, but the pills he'd taken today were making him feel nauseous.

The doctors had warned him at the beginning of the trials that one of the side effects could be nausea, and they had said that it might stick around for a while. They had assured him that feeling nauseated a lot of the time didn't mean things weren't going well.

As far as trials went, this one was still in the nascent stages. He shouldn't let himself give up yet, shouldn't feel that this was another dead end.

But he'd heard those same words so many times before.

It was hard not to feel defeated when he felt that he kept hearing the same things all the time, being given hope and then having it cruelly snatched away.

Especially now, when he had more reason than ever to want to live and have a happy future and a long life, he thought, stroking Treasure's head as the puppy snored in his lap. He had a good relationship with a man he loved, a man he wanted to spend his life with.

He shouldn't feel defeated, he told himself again. This was only the start of the fight; there was still a long way to go before he would know this trial wasn't working.

He knew what it was like; there would be weeks of hope, and if he was lucky, the trial would work for him, and he would be on the road to recovery.

But really, how much of a chance did he have of that happening? he asked himself, letting that sense of defeat sweep over him again. How many trials had he started in the past with such high hopes, only to have them all crash and burn far too soon?

This time, there was so much more riding on his recovery than there had ever been before. This time, there wasn't only himself to think about.

He had so much more to lose now -- and loved ones who would lose him.

Lee closed his eyes, trying to fight back the feeling of defeat that threatened to swamp him. He couldn't let himself give in to despair and depression.

Even if he only had a little time left, he needed to try his best to enjoy that time, to make the most of it. He couldn't give in, no matter how hard it was not to let that depression sink him. he had to hold on to hope. It was what would keep him forging ahead.

He took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders and looking down at the puppy in his lap. Treasure opened her eyes and gazed back at him, yapping softly and licking his hand.

Lee laughed softly, smiling at the puppy. Maybe it wasn't such a bad day, after all.


	38. The Perfect Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee has plans for his future with Will, but he doesn't know if Will is going to agree with them.

Lee rested his chin on his hand, closing his eyes, trying to marshal his thoughts.

Was he going absolutely cuckoo? Should he even consider doing what was on his mind, or should he simply let things keep going the way that they were?

After all, he and Will were happy. They were getting along wonderfully, and he was falling more deeply in love with every day that went by. The trials might be up and down, but his relationship with Will was on steady ground, keeping him strong and lifting his spirits just when he needed it.

Would changing things, even the slightest bit, mess up the status quo? Would he be inviting trouble, letting the proverbial snake into the garden? Was he only asking for problems?

He didn't think so, but there was only one way to find out. The problem was, once he had taken those steps forward, then there would be no turning back. The question would be out there, and he would have put his heart on the line. He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, either for himself or for Will.

On the other hand, if he _didn't_ take his courage in hand now and take this step forward, then he might never be able to bring himself to do it. He might always shy away from what could be the best thing to ever happen to him.

He might be cheating himself and Will out of something wonderful.  
That was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted to live his life with Will, however much of it he might have left, to the absolute fullest. He didn't want to miss a single moment of that life.

He might not be sure yet that he'd been granted another chance, and years to live out his life with Will. But however much time he might have, he was going to grab onto it with both hands and hold on with everything he had. That meant taking the bull by the horns, as it were, and living that life to the fullest.

He wanted to marry Will. He wanted to get a ring, take his boyfriend out to a lovely romantic dinner, go down on one knee and propose to him. He wanted to do it right, with all the trimmings.

And, of course, more than anything, he wanted Will to say yes.  
Lee didn't know if that would happen. What would Will say when he proposed? What would he do? There were so many questions, so many variables, so many ways that this could go.

Will could easily say yes _or_ no. Lee knew his boyfriend well enough to know that Will didn't commit easily; it was something of a miracle that their relationship had fallen into place as quickly as it had.

He knew that Will loved him. He had no doubt of that; Will's love was never something he would ever have to question. But would Will think that getting married was the best thing for them to do? Or would he falter and turn away from the idea, unsure as to whether he wanted that for the two of them?

It _was_ a big step for him; Lee understood that. Marriage wasn't anything to be jumped into, or to be taken lightly. But he had thought it over carefully, and it was what he wanted.

But at the moment, the big question in his mind was whether or not it would be what _Will_ wanted. And everything hinged on Will wanting to get married, on him saying yes when Lee popped the question.

That affirmative answer wasn't guaranteed. Lee wished that he could have a better idea in his mind of just what Will would say, but he had no idea how his boyfriend would feel about this. They hadn't discussed it, and Will would probably feel that the proposal came at him all of a sudden, out of the blue.

Still, Lee knew that proposing was what he _had_ to do. He couldn't keep the question back; and he knew that he wanted more than anything to be married to Will, for them to belong to each other legally.

He _needed_ to know that he belonged to Will, and that Will belonged to him. He needed to know that if things took a turn for the worse, they would have that bond between them.

He wanted them to show their solidarity and their love to the entire world.  
Would Will want to do the same? Or would he feel that getting married was too big a step to take while Lee's health was still in such jeopardy, and when he was still making a transition into this newest drug trial.

He wanted Will to feel that this was right for them both. If he didn't, then Lee wasn't going to push things, though he would be disappointed. They would simply have to wait to get married -- though, to be honest, he didn't know if he would have time to wait. If they didn't get married soon, it might never happen.

Maybe Will wouldn't want to get married, Lee told himself, feeling discouraged. Maybe it was better not to ask, to let things simply go on as they were and forget about tying that knot.

But he _wanted_ to make it legal. He wanted to have that commitment.

He had to ask Will, Lee told himself firmly. Whatever his boyfriend's answer was, he had to ask the question. He had to know the answer, once and for all, for his own peace of mind.

If Will didn't want to get married, then he would accept that answer. He might not like it, but he would accept it. He would do whatever Will wanted, and if that meant them simply living together and not being married, then he would deal with his own disappointment.

Will wouldn't be mean about it; Lee knew that. Will would let him down easily if he didn't want to get married; he would be sweet and loving, and there would be no recriminations.

Lee promised himself that he wouldn't be angry or disillusioned if Will said no; there was no way that he would let his lover know how disappointed he would be. He would just take the ring back, and they would keep going on as they were now, in a happy, loving relationship.

But he would always want to marry Will. He didn't doubt that for a moment. Until the end of time, until the stars ceased to shine in the sky, until the world didn't exist, he would want them to be united in matrimony.

He couldn't say exactly _why_ he wanted that so badly, but he did.

If Will agreed, then he would be the happiest man in the universe, Lee thought with a smile. And if he didn't .... well, then he would still be happy with the man he loved. They just wouldn't be married, that was all.

Maybe marriage shouldn't be so important to him. But it was, and he couldn't change that about himself. He didn't _want_ to change it. Still, if Will didn't want it, then he would adapt. They might as well consider themselves married at this point, after all. They just hadn't made it legal.

He sat up, glancing at the clock. He would go look for the ring tomorrow, while Will was at work. He didn't have time today, but tomorrow, he'd have the entire day to look around.

He would find the perfect ring, he thought with a soft smile. The perfect ring, for the perfect man.


	39. With Your Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee asks Will the most important question of their lives.

Lee looked across the table at Will, feeling nervous and uncertain.

Was this the right time to pop the question? Or should he wait until they were in a more intimate setting? He'd brought Will here for a reason, but suddenly, it didn't seem like the right place and time.

He tried to tell himself that he was wrong, that he was being silly. This place was so beautifully romantic; the snowy white tablecloths, the candles, the soft classical music playing. It was the perfect place for a proposal.

The truth was, he was terrified that Will would say no, that his boyfriend wouldn't feel that getting married was the right thing for them to do, not while Lee was still struggling with the drug trials. He might think that they should wait until things were more concrete, until Lee had a completely positive outlook.

But that might never happen, and Lee knew it. With his experience in drug trials, it was more than likely that things would look positive for a while, then take a sudden downturn.

It had already happened to him once in this one, though things were looking better now than they had in a long time. That was why he was so positive, and ready to ask Will that all-important question.

This was the night, and he couldn't let his fears make him back away.

After all, this was what he wanted more than anything; to ask Will to marry him, and to get an affirmative answer. He wanted to leave here tonight knowing that he was the happiest man in the world.

Together, he and Will would conquer his problems; they would fight the cancer, and they would win. He would no longer be alone. He would have Will by his side for all of his life.

"Penny for your thoughts," Will murmured with a soft smile. His words brought Lee out of his thoughts and into the real world with a jerk; he smiled a little shamefacedly, feeling silly for sitting here thinking when he should be talking to his lover, making conversation and leading up to what he planned to ask.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, returning Will's smile as he reached across the table to take his boyfriend's hand in his own and give it a gentle squeeze. "I've got some things on my mind."

"It might help if you talk about them," Will told him, his voice still very soft. "You know you can talk to me about anything that's bugging you, Lee. I'm always here for you."

Lee couldn't help smiling at those words, his heart turning over in his chest.

"I know that, sweetheart," he said, squeezing Will's hand again before letting go and taking a deep breath. It was time for him to ask the question that had been on his mind for days.

Will had just given him the perfect lead-in. There would be no better time than now to ask, and even though he hadn't really rehearsed everything in his mind, he knew what he wanted to say.

Will's eyes widened as Lee dropped to the floor on one knee, taking his hand and looking up at him with those intense blue eyes shining. Lee almost wanted to laugh at the stunned look on his face; Will probably already had an inkling of what he meant to do, but couldn't believe that it was happening.

He himself could hardly believe that he was doing this, but nothing had ever felt so right. This was what he'd been meant to do from the moment he and Will had first met.

Lee took Will's hands in his own, looking up into his boyfriend's startled face and smiling reassuringly at him. All the love that he felt was written on his features; he looked happy and expectant.

Taking a deep breath, he began to speak, keeping his gaze fixed on Will's face. He needed to make these words count; he needed to let Will know just how serious he was about this, that it wasn't some game, or something that he had just decided to do on the spur of the moment.

"Will, from the first moment we met, I knew that you were the one for me," he began, his voice very soft, though it was so quiet in the restaurant that his voice seemed to ring out. Everyone there was listening avidly.

Clearing his throat, he continued, his voice still soft, but the words strong and firm. "I've got a lot of problems, I know, but with your love, I'm getting past them."

Will smiled at him, as though the expression couldn't be held back.

Lee's voice softened as he gazed into Will's eyes. "Will, you mean more to me than anything in the world. You have my heart and soul, and I never want them back again. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be."

Drawing another deep breath, he reached into his pocket, bringing out the small velvet box with the engagement ring inside and opening it. "Will Graham, will you marry me?"

Will's mouth dropped open as he gazed at Lee, seemingly in shock. He reached out with a trembling hand to stroke Lee's cheek, his voice barely a whisper when he answered. "Yes," he murmured, so softly that Lee almost didn't hear him at first. Then, he spoke again, his voice stronger this time. "Yes, I will."

Lee could swear that he saw stars and heard rockets going off; he had been holding his breath without realizing that he was doing so, terrified that Will would turn him down.

But he hadn't. Will had said _yes_. They were going to be married. This man, the man who he had given his heart and would to, was going to be his lawfully wedded husband.

He wanted to grasp Will's hand and run off to the nearest justice of the peace as soon as they could.

No, he wasn't going to do that, he told himself firmly. He and Will were going to have a beautiful wedding, not a huge one, but something that their friends could see, and celebrate with them.

There was going to be no hole-and-corner marriage for them. They would be proud of who they were and of getting married, and they wouldn't hide it from anyone.

With Will's love, he would beat cancer. He had all the hope in the world, and now, he had love on his side. He'd had it before, but this time, he was holding that love to him in a new and different way. He and Will were going to get married. Somehow, that made things even more concrete, more _real_.

Together, they would fight this disease, and he would come out on top. With Will by his side, he would be invincible. There was nothing that they couldn't achieve as a team.

Of course, it wouldn't be easy. But nothing worth having ever came easily; Lee knew that all too well. They would fight, and they would win. He wouldn't let the outcome be anything other than positive.

He had more hope than he'd ever had before. This time, fate would be on his side.

Taking the box from Will, he took out the onyx-and-diamond ring, sliding it onto his love's finger. He knew Will's size; he'd made sure that the ring would fit perfectly.

Will turned his hand from side to side, then looked up into Lee's face, his blue eyes shining with tears -- and with a happiness that he couldn't hold back. "It's so beautiful, Lee," he whispered.

"So are you, my love," Lee told him, his voice equally soft. He held out his hands and grasped Will's, raising the other man to his feet and wrapping strong arms around him, capturing his lips in a kiss. He never wanted to let go; he wanted to stay here forever, with Will in his arms.

But they had things to do -- and a wedding to plan, Lee told himself with an inward smile. They were going to be very busy for the next few weeks.

"With your love, my life is going to be the most amazing place," he whispered into Will's ear. "This is just the beginning, Will. We have so much living to do. It's time to get started."

Will nodded, his smile mirroring Lee's, agreement implicit in his loving gaze.


	40. Don't Leave Without Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will contemplates his future -- and a life without Lee.

Will held up his hand in front of his face, looking at the ring and smiling.

It still didn't seem possible that he and Lee were engaged. If there had been one thing in his life he hadn't expected, it was Lee popping the question.

But Lee _had_ asked Will to marry him, and he'd said yes. He knew that they might have a long and bumpy road to travel, but he couldn't have given his boyfriend any other answer.

He _wanted_ to marry Lee. He wanted the two of them to be together forever, even though he knew that for them, "forever" could be a much shorter time than it was for other couples. Their version of forever could, by necessity, only be a fairly brief period of time.

Will closed his eyes, swallowing hard. He knew that there was a good chance this drug trial wouldn't work for Lee. At the moment, things seemed to be up and down.

One day Lee would feel great, as though the trials were working well and there was a lot of hope. The next day, he'd feel terrible, worse than he had before the trials had started.

Will didn't really know what to believe any more.

He didn't let Lee see how frightened he was, didn't give his boyfriend reason to think that he had a hard time holding on to hope. He stayed positive around Lee, pushing the darkness away.

That was getting harder and harder to do each time he had to see Lee huddled under a blanket, pale and weak, having a hard time doing so much as lifting a coffee cup to his lips to swallow some liquid. Seeing that broke his heart, and made him want to burst into tears on the spot.

But he didn't. He kept going, trying to stay positive and not let Lee have a glimpse of how terrified he was that he would lose the man he loved long before he could cope with it.

He didn't like thinking about that eventuality, but it was forced into his mind all too often.

Lee was dying. He had to accept that fact, and he knew it. What the trials would do was give him more years of life, but they wouldn't save him from his eventual fate.

At the moment, things were going well, but who knew if they were going to take a turn for the worse? Will didn't like to admit that it could happen, but he knew that he had to face facts. Lee wasn't always going to be on a upward swing, and there might be some very hard times coming in the future.

Lee sighed softly next to him, and Will looked over at him with a smile. His love was sleeping soundly, a smile on his lips as though he was dreaming of something pleasant.

He knew that his love was going to have to leave him to journey on to the next realm of being long before Will was ready to say goodbye to him, but he'd known that from the beginning.

This time with Lee, no matter how short it was, would be worth the heartbreak of those goodbyes. Even a little time with him would be far, far better than never having known him at all, but Will knew that he would never be ready for them to part. It would devastate him, no matter how much he tried to prepare for it to come.

The thought brought tears to his eyes, and for once, instead of impatiently brushing them away, he let them fall. He knew that sooner or later, he had to think about this, and cry about it.

He couldn't keep his emotions locked up inside. That wasn't healthy.

He would have to learn to deal with the realities of Lee's disease, and be there for the man he loved. He owed that to Lee; he could give no less than his all.

Will realized that he had been lucky so far; even Lee's worst days hadn't been nearly as bad as they could be, and he hadn't had to deal with the harshest realities of Lee's cancer. But he didn't doubt that one day he would have to come face-to-face with them, and they wouldn't be easy to cope with.

But he would manage to do it, somehow. Even though it would be the hardest thing he'd ever had to deal with, he would stand strong, and he would stay by Lee's side.

They might be fighting a losing battle, but they weren't going to simply give in.

Will turned over onto his side, carefully easing one arm around Lee's waist as he spooned behind his fianc&ecaute. If he was lucky, then Lee wouldn't leave him for a very, very long time to come.

He knew that he couldn't count on that, but he could hope for it. And in the meantime, he was going to enjoy every second that he had with Lee, and live life to the fullest.

Even if that life wasn't going to be a long one, he could still enjoy their time together, and live every day as though it would be their last. Will sniffled softly, hoping that the noise wouldn't wake Lee; he didn't want to think like that, but he had to face the inevitability sooner or later.

"Don't leave without me," he whispered, raising his hand to stroke Lee's hair. "When you go, I want to go with you. Being here without you isn't a possibility for me now."

He knew that those were the truest words he'd ever spoken; when Lee left him to go to the next realm, he wouldn't be living. He would merely be existing.

That wouldn't be a life. He would merely be waiting to join his love.

When Lee was gone, he couldn't imagine wanting to keep living. WIll was sure that he would simply fade away, letting himself disappear into the ether of the universe.

Resolutely, he pushed that thought away. If he was lucky, it would be quite a while before he had to think about living without Lee -- and if they were _very_ lucky, the cancer would go into remission and Lee would be able to live the long, full life that he so richly deserved.

There was no use thinking about being parted now. Not when they were still together, and when they had a wedding to plan and a life together to look forward to.

Even if it was a short life, it would be one that was well-lived, and every second of it would be cherished.


	41. Every Day Is A Winding Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will wishes that his friends and colleagues were more optimistic about his future with Lee.

Well, he should have expected that.

Will scowled as he started his car, pulling out the parking lot and heading towards the highway to go home. He should have known how his day would go.

No one seemed to think that his marrying Lee was a good thing. His so-called "friends" and colleagues didn't seem to care about his happiness, only the fact that he was marrying a man who had a terminal disease. All they could see was death, not hope.

It made him angrier than he should be, he told himself with a soft sigh as he merged into the freeway traffic. But he'd halfway expected this kind of attitude.

It was as though no one wanted him to be happy.

Not only that, but they refused to see that the trials were going well for Lee, despite the occasional bad day, and that the two of them had high hopes.

No, everyone around him only wanted to see the bad side. They wanted Will to reject Lee, to walk away from him and abandon him, and thereby abandon his own happiness. It was as though everyone _wanted_ him to be miserable, as though they begrudged him the slightest bit of joy.

They probably did, he thought sourly. All of them didn't have much going in their lives, either, and they couldn't stand to see the person they thought of as a freak being happy.

Every day that he and Lee had together was a victory. Why couldn't the people around them see that? Why couldn't they see that getting married would be a _good_ thing?

it didn't matter what other people thought, Will told himself, stepping harder on the gas pedal. It made him so angry that people thought he and Lee were doomed, that they could only see unhappiness ahead. They couldn't see that being a couple _was_ their happiness.

Just the fact that the two of them had found each other and fallen in love was a victory, in Will's eyes. They didn't need the approval of the world to live their lives.

And so far, the trials seemed to be working.

That was what no one wanted to see. They only wanted to see the dark clouds, not the silver lining. Well, he wasn't going to do that. He was going to be optimistic.

He and Lee would deal with the darkness when they had to. They wouldn't hide from it and pretend that it might not come, but they weren't going to dwell on it, either. Life was too short for that. They were going to take the happiness they could get while they had a chance at it.

If the people he worked with couldn't approve of him doing that, then it was their loss. They'd probably never know the happiness that he'd found.

Every day was a winding road, and they would follow that road until it branched off into a new one.


	42. Not A Death Sentence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee refuses to let his illness become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It hadn't been a good day. He felt weaker and more worn-out than usual

Lee sighed softly, stretching out his long legs on the couch and glancing up at the clock on the wall. Will wouldn't be home for another couple of hours yet.

That gave him time to think, time to wonder if he was doing the right thing by marrying the man he loved. Especially as his prospects didn't seem to look good at the moment.

What would Will do when he was gone? What if the cancer got worse instead of better, and he was gone much sooner than either of them thought he would be? It wasn't fair to Will to expect him to go on. Maybe he should have walked away from the first, and not gotten involved.

Maybe it would have been better for Will if they'd never fallen in love, if he had never stayed here. He wouldn't have to deal with the heartache of losing someone he loved.

But what was that old saying, about it being better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all? He believed that, Lee told himself firmly.

He wasn't going to let a little setback get him down.

After all, hadn't he been told at the beginning of this trial that there would be ups and downs? It took a while for all of the medications to even themselves out.

It was still too soon to give up. And giving up on this trial would be the same as giving up on himself, and on Will. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

Will had given him the strength to go on when he had thought that he was at the end of his rope and that it would be so much easier to give up and just let himself fade away. Finding love had given him the courage to live, and the will to _want_ to live. He couldn't give up on that love. Not now.

He wouldn't allow himself to give up. Not when happiness was so close within his grasp. Not when he'd found the kind of happiness he'd thought that he would never have.

He wouldn't let pessimism turn his illness into self-fulfilling prophecy. Cancer wasn't a death sentence. A lot of people beat it, and he intended to be one of them.

He _had_ to beat it, Lee told himself. Not just for himself, but for Will. He couldn't die and leave Will alone, not when his love had spent all of his life feeling alone. He wouldn't be one more person who had abandoned Will. Just the thought of how WIll would feel if he was gone ripped him apart inside.

So today had been a bad day, and he felt awful. He had known going into this drug trial that there would be days like this. He'd been prepared for it.

The two of them had a wedding to plan, and he couldn't let the bad days get him so down that they took him over. There would be good days, too. Hopefully, more good ones than bad ones.

Every day would be good, just because he had Will by his side.

Just thinking about the fact that he was going to marry Will brought a smile to Lee's face; he couldn't hold back the rush of happiness that leapt through him.

Will Graham was going to be his husband. Will _wanted_ to marry him. They would spend the rest of their lives together, and with any luck, they would be long, happy lives.

He wouldn't dwell on his illness, or how rotten he felt at the moment. That was useless, and it would only bring him down. It wouldn't do him any good, either. It would only make him unhappy, and that wasn't what he wanted -- or needed -- to focus on at the moment.

He needed to concentrate on the happiness that lay in his future, not the uncertainty. He wouldn't let negativity turn the disease that he lived with every day into self-fulfilling prophecy.

Will deserved better than someone who always looked on the dark side. He would concentrate on the good things in his life, and on making Will happy. His love deserved that.

And so did he, Lee told himself firmly. They _both_ deserved to be happy.

They would be, he promised himself. He would make sure that they were. He wouldn't let this disease beat him. He would fight until the very last breath of life within him was exhaled.

He and Will would plan their wedding, and they would get married. They would have a happy life together, and if the spectre of his cancer hung over them at times, well, then they would deal with it. But they would fight it and beat it back, and get on with their lives.

He was determined that they would have the happiness they deserved. He wasn't under a death sentence; he still had a lot of living to do. He wouldn't give in. He would be strong.

He would be strong, and he would win in the end. For Will. And .... for himself.


	43. Hope in Their Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will is determined to hold on to every bit of hope that he can, even when Lee has a bad day and is feeling discouraged.

Lee had been having a bad day. He could sense it.

Will lay in bed beside his fiancé, stroking Lee's hair, feeling tense and worried. Was it just his imagination, or did these bad days seem to be getting more frequent?

It had to be his imagination, he told himself firmly. Lee had promised him that he would be the first to know if things got worse; he said that Will had a right to be told.

He was right, of course. Will wanted to know everything about what was going on in Lee's treatments, wanted to be with the man he loved every step of the way, to be there for him whenever Lee needed him. Even if what he was told wasn't good news, he still wanted to hear it.

But when Lee had bad days, he more often than not wanted to protect Will from that fact, wanted him to believe that the day hadn't been all that discouraging.

Still, he knew better. He could tell when Lee was feeling particularly tired; he knew the man he loved so well by now that he could almost read Lee's mind in some ways.

So he was sure that it hadn't been a good day at all.

"It was a rough day, wasn't it, sweetheart?" he said, keeping his voice soft and gentle. He knew that Lee would probably be reluctant to acknowledge the truth of his words.

Lee nodded, sighing softly and shifting slightly to burrow against Will's chest. "Yes, it was," he said, his voice sounding weaker than it usually did. "I don't want to give up yet, because there are always ups and downs in the first few weeks. But right now, things aren't looking up."

Will tightened his hold on Lee; the words coming from his fiancé frightened and chilled him. He wanted to hold on to the man he loved, to protect him in every way.

But of course, that wasn't possible. He couldn't protect Lee from the future; all he could do was hope that the future would be positive, and they would be together.

"What are we going to do if it turns out this trial doesn't work for me?" Lee whispered, his voice agonized. "What's going to happen then, Will? Are we still going to get married, knowing that I might have to go somewhere else for another drug trial? Or will you just decide that it's not worth the heartache?"

Will knew that Lee didn't mean to accuse him; he wasn't that kind of person. But he was feeling scared and discouraged, and he had a right to that.

He cleared his throat, searching for the right words to express his feelings.

"This trial will work," he said, keeping his voice strong and firm. "We have to believe that, Lee. And we have to believe that the two of us are going to have a long and happy life together."

He gazed into Lee's eyes as he spoke, relieved when his fiancé smiled back at him and nodded, even though Lee did look more tired than usual.

"You're right," he said softly, raising a hand to stroke Will's cheek. "Sometimes I just get discouraged and I feel like I'm just marking time, Will. But I'm not. I haven't been doing that since I met you. With you in my life and in my heart, I'm really _living_ for the first time in ages."

Will felt tears rising behind his eyes, and he blinked rapidly to keep them falling as his own hand caressed the soft silkiness of Lee's hair, then his cheek.

"You've brought me to life in a way that nobody else ever could, love," he whispered, "I'm yours, now and forever. Don't ever doubt that. Or doubt that we'll always be together."

Lee gave him a small smile, nodding, his gazed locked with Will's.

All he could do was hold his love close, feel Lee's heart beating against his own, the warmth of the slender body held so close, Lee's arms around him, breath warm on his skin.

Really, he told himself, closing his eyes and letting himself relax, all that they could do was hold hope in their hearts, and a belief that they would have the life they wanted.

If they let themselves give in to discouragement, it would be a self-fulfilling prophecy. No, they had to keep looking on the bright side of everything, to keep going no matter how hard the path they were treading might be. They had to hold to every bit of hope that they could find.

They would do that, Will told himself, taking a deep breath as he made the inner vow. The two of them would keep hope alive, keep that flame burning brightly.

They would have the long life and the happiness that they wanted. They would take every moment of it, and wring all the joy from it that they possibly could.

Just that thought made him smile, hope growing within him.

He opened his eyes to look at Lee again, realizing that his lover had fallen asleep. The other man was lying in his arms, a small smile on his lips, breathing deeply and peacefully.

Will closed his eyes again, feeling peaceful and happy, he hope that was in his heart growing stronger as he drifted off to sleep, cradling him in the assurance of a future filled with love.


	44. Gone Too Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee's doctor gives him some bad news, but he's still determined to cling to any hope that he has.

"I'm sorry, Lee. It's gone too far."

"Wh-what do you mean?" Lee stared at his doctor, his eyes wide. He felt as though an icy hand had reached into his chest and was squeezing his heart.

Was the man telling him to give up? Was that the message he was trying to get across? Was it too late for himself and Will, for the dreams they had of their future?

"I mean that it's too late for this trial to work well for you," the doctor told him, his voice sympathetic but succinct. "There's another trial starting in a week's time, here in the same city. I think that one could work better for you, Lee. But this one isn't going to do you any good at this point."

A wave of relief washed over him; the doctor wasn't telling him that he was going to die, that there was no hope. He wasn't pronouncing a death sentence on him.

But he _was_ dying, wasn't he? It was by slow degrees, and he kept telling himself to fight, that he had a good chance of survival .... still, he wasn't winning the fight.

He was getting weaker, slowly but surely.

He hadn't been able to bring himself to tell Will that. He hadn't wanted his fiancé to know that he wasn't going to win this fight, that their dreams would be cut short.

How did he tell Will something like that? How did he tell the man he loved that they more than likely wouldn't have the lifetime together that they talked about every day, the life that they planned for so joyously? He couldn't make himself crush Will so brutally.

And really, there was no need to, was there? Not as long as his doctors thought that there was some treatment out there that could work for him and send his cancer into remission.

He wasn't going to stop fighting. Not now. He had too much to live for.

He had a life ahead of him to be spent with the man he loved. Just because this treatment no longer seemed to be working for him didn't mean that he should give up.

Lee took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He couldn't quit. If he did, then he would be giving up on Will, on the future that they'd planned to spend together.

He couldn't give up on the man he loved. If he quit fighting now, then he would be a coward, turning away from a fight that there was a good chance he could win. He wasn't fighting alone now. He had Will by his side, and they had friends who were on their side.

Giving up would be turning away from a life that he desperately wanted, a life that he knew could be a good one. He couldn't take the coward's way out and give in to despair.

How many times had he told himself in the past that he had to keep fighting, when he didn't have nearly as much to fight for as he did now? This wasn't the time to give in.

"Lee, the cancer has gone too far for this particular treatment, but that doesn't mean that you've run out of options," the doctor was saying. "You can't give up the fight. I know that you've recently gotten engaged, and I'm sure that he wouldn't want you to give up, either."

Lee smiled a little at that thought. "You seem to be thinking of the exact same thing I am," he said, his voice soft as he thought of Will. "No, he wouldn't want me to do that."

"Then don't." The doctor's voice was soft, too; he put out a hand to touch Lee's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "There's still hope, Lee. This next treatment may be the one that works."

Lee nodded, trying to rearrange his thoughts into positivity.

So this treatment hadn't worked. Not all of them worked for everyone. He'd been let down often enough in the past to know that he shouldn't have expected miracles.

Maybe the next one would be the treatment that worked for him. He had so much to live for now; he had to keep on going, to stay positive and believe that he _would_ beat this disease. A lot of people did; he could be one of those people who was a cancer survivor.

This wasn't a death sentence. He didn't have to feel that any setback was a lethal one. He just had to keep on going, take that next step and not give up hope.

He had to that for Will, as well as for himself.

He had Will to think of now. He couldn't just think of his own disappointment; he had to keep himself positive for his lover's sake. He couldn't sink into despair and let Will down.

When he had first come here, he'd thought that he was fighting a losing battle. Then he had met Will, and hope had flared anew in him. He had to hold on to that hope.

Giving up now would just mean throwing away all that he'd worked for, all the fighting that he'd done in the past. He couldn't give in, not when he had so much to look forward to. There was still a life ahead of him; he just had to stay positive and fight for that life.

Didn't he have the right to happiness, just as anyone who wasn't plagued with a disease like the one he had? Didn't he have a right to expect more from life than just waiting for it to end?

Lee squared his shoulders, pushing the depression that loomed over his head away from him. He wouldn't let himself get depressed. That would only be counterproductive.

He would keep fighting. He wouldn't let himself lay down and die.

He stood up, managing a smile as he faced the doctor. "The cancer might have gone too far for this treatment to have worked, but the next one will get it."

"That's the spirit, Lee." The doctor sounded relieved as he walked Lee to the door, clapping him on the shoulder once again. "We'll get the paperwork started to get you into the other treatment program. I have high hopes that it will work for you, and that you'll beat this disease once and for all."

"I hope so," Lee said as he left the office, his smile disappearing as he headed out to his car and got in, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the headrest.

If this treatment hadn't worked, how could he expect the next one to be successful?

He took one deep breath, then another. He wasn't going to let himself get down and depressed. That would only lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, and he'd promised himself to stay positive.

Putting on his seat belt, he put the car into gear and backed out of the parking space, wondering what he was going to tell Will when they both got home tonight.


	45. Not Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will knows that he doesn't want to go on without Lee in his life.

"So they're telling you that this treatment isn't going to work."

Will felt as though he'd been dealt a blow, one that he might not recover from. He wanted to scream, to rail against how unfair life was, to burst into tears.

But he held all of those reactions back. If _he_ was feeling that way, then how did Lee feel? He was sure that the other man needed a hug, to be held and reassured.

Right now, he wasn't sure that he had those reassuring words within him. All that he could feel was an icy fear that was creeping down his spine, the fear that he was going to lose Lee far too soon, when it felt as though their life together hadn't even had a chance to begin yet.

They were going to get married. They were going to add onto the house, maybe get a few more dogs, build a life that would last for many years to come.

Lee was going to beat this cancer. He _had_ to. They had too much planned, too much of a future to look forward to, for him to be told that none of it was possible.

Lee nodded, the look on his face serious and sobering.

"Will, this doesn't mean that we should give up," he said, obviously trying to keep his tone encouraging and hopeful. "My doctor says that there's another trial, in DC, that he's getting me into."

Will nodded, swallowing hard, knowing that what Lee said was true. They couldn't give up. Not now. Not when they had so much in the future to look forward to.

Lee got to his feet, moving from the chair he was sitting in to sit down on the couch next to Will. The next thing he knew, Will was being pulled into his boyfriend's arms; he closed his eyes, wrapping his arms tightly around Lee's waist, resting his head on the other man's shoulder.

But he couldn't let the tears come. He wouldn't, he told himself firmly. He wasn't going to cry. Not here. Not now. He was going to stay strong and positive, for Lee's sake.

Still, that was more easily said than done. He could feel the tears prickling behind his eyelids, threatening to spill over, to course down his face in twin rivers.

He couldn't stop the words that came to his lips; there was no way that he could have held them back, though he knew that he should. "I don't want to go on without you, Lee. I don't have a life without you in it. Without you, there's nothing in this world for me. I might as well not even be here."

"Don't say that," Lee whispered, his arms around Will, holding him close. "You have your job. You have people to help. You have the dogs. They can't get along without you."

Will shook his head, knowing in his heart that Lee was right, but not wanting to admit it. It felt as though his entire world was collapsing around him, falling to pieces, crumbling to dust.

"I can't live without you," he whispered, the words a broken thread of sound.

"You may have to," Lee told him, his voice tight with tears that Will knew he was trying not to shed. "Will, I may not be here as long as you will. We've always known that."

Yes, they had. But it was still something that he didn't want to deal with, or think about. He didn't want to believe that Lee could die much sooner than he should.

Will pushed that thought out of his mind, refusing to countenance it. He didn't want to think about Lee dying. He didn't want to think that their future could be cut short -- or that it might never happen at all. That didn't bear thinking about, because he wasn't going to let it happen.

He raised his face from his lover's shoulder, taking a deep breath and wiping away the few tears that had managed to escape. "I have to live _for_ you, right? That's what you're going to say."

Lee nodded, a small, wobbly smile playing around the corners of his lips. "You know you do, Will. But I've still got a lot of living to do yet. You don't have to think of that. Not now."

Will nodded, trying to return Lee's smile.

"Life wouldn't be same," he whispered, his voice catching in his throat. "Not without you. I don't want to go on without you, Lee, but if I have to, if you want me to, then I will."

"You know I do," Lee told him, his own voice barely a whisper. "You have a lot of living left to do, Will. And so do I. We're going to do that living together, I promise you." 

Will pushed his gloomy thoughts away, trying to focus on the positive. Lee's doctor _did_ seem to think that the new trial he would be getting Lee into would work for him. They had to keep the faith, had to believe that it would. They couldn't let their fears sink them into despondency.

Staying positive was important for them both. He wasn't going to let this setback get him down; he was going to believe that it would all come right in the end.

He would think about going on without Lee when the time came, but he didn't need to focus on it now. Not when his love was here, and their life together was just beginning.

With any luck, he wouldn't have to deal with those dark thoughts for a very long time.


	46. My Wish Came True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding love with Will has made Lee's greatest wish come true.

"I can't believe our wedding is in just three weeks," Will said sleepily, resting his head on Lee's shoulder. "It doesn't seem possible that I'm getting married."

Lee laughed softly, raising a hand to run his fingers through Will's dark, tousled curls. "I never thought I'd get married. But then, I never thought that I'd fall in love, either."

He smiled softly, punctuating his words with a gentle kiss.

No, he'd never thought that he would fall in love. He had never thought that he'd meet the right man, the man who made his heart beat faster, the man who would capture that heart.

He'd often wished that he could meet that man, but he hadn't truly thought that it would happen. No man could live up to the person he had a mental picture of. Nobody could be the man of his dreams. That was what he'd thought, until the moment that he'd met Will.

He had known from the first time their gazes had met that this was the one. There had been something in Will's eyes that had captivated him from the beginning.

And miracle of miracles, Will felt the same way about him.

He would never have expected that in a million years. He had thought, even when they had first met, that Will couldn't possibly share his own feelings.

And yet, he had, Lee thought with another smile. His wish had come true, the wish that he'd held close to his heart for so long. He'd finally found the man he could fall in love with.

How was it possible to love so deeply? He would never have believed that he held this kind of love within himself; he had always known that his emotions ran deeply, but he had never realized just how much feeling he was capable of. He had never let all of those emotions out before Will had come into his life.

He'd always been afraid to, really. Everyone he'd known in his life had always left him, turning away from him at some point. By the time he'd met Will, he'd been afraid to reach out.

Maybe it was his disease that had made him do so. Maybe he was braver about taking chances now. But this was one chance that he would be forever grateful to have taken.

Taking those chances was scary, but some of them were worthwhile.

He'd taken a chance on coming here for the drug trial, hadn't he? And look how far that had gotten him. The last trial might not have worked, but the new one was hopeful.

His entire outlook was hopeful at the moment. Not only was the new drug trial that he was getting into looking up, but he was getting married in just three weeks. It would be the happiest day of his life; he and Will were going to have a future together, a long and happy marriage.

He had to believe that. He couldn't let himself give up that hope; if he did, then he would be lost. He had to hold on to that hope with everything that he had.

This trial _would_ be successful, and the cancer would be eradicated. It worked for other people; it could work for him, too. He had to be optimistic.

Before he'd met Will, optimism had been something that he'd given up on; he had spent far too much time believing that he was just going through the motions by getting into one trial after another. He hadn't really believed that he was going to make it. He'd just been drifting wherever life had taken him.

But now, he had a reason to live, a reason to want to beat this disease. Will had given him all the hope in the world, and that hope was sweeter than he'd known it could be.

He wanted to live. For Will. For himself. For their future.

He had wished with all of his heart that coming here would herald a new phase in his life, that this time, things would be different. And that wish had come true.

Everything in his life was different now than it had been when he'd first come to DC. He had found love, and had a whole new direction in his life. Everything had changed.

He hadn't wished for love, but he had found it. Maybe somewhere deep in his heart, he had wanted to find love; maybe a part of him had known that meeting the right man and falling in love would give him the strength that he needed to forge ahead. Maybe this had been his wish all along.

"I've always wanted to have a small, intimate wedding with just my closest friends there," Will murmured, sounding sleepy and sated. "Not that I have so many friends, but you know what I mean."

"Yes, I do," Lee said with another soft smile, brushing a gentle kiss across Will's forehead. "I've never wanted some big huge wedding. Just something quiet, to share our joy with our friends."

Will nodded, smiling. "Exactly. And my wish is coming true."

"My wish came true the moment I met you," Lee whispered, gazing into Will's impossibly blue eyes. "I met the love of my life, the man I want to spend eternity with."

He placed a hand on Will's heart, feeling the strong, steady beat under his palm. That heart beat for him, just as his own heart was beating for Will. Their hearts beat in sync, in time with each other; those hearts were entwined forever, the love that they held as strong and steady as their rhythm.

This man made his every wish come true. Being with Will made life worth living; being in love gave him something to fight for, something that made every day an adventure.

He wouldn't give this up. He would fight for their future, for their life together.

"I love you," he whispered, knowing that Will would return the sentiment. When he didn't, Lee looked down at him in question, them smiled and laughed softly.

Will was asleep in his arms, his breathing slow and even.

All of his wishes were coming true. He had found love, and at the moment, his future looked hopeful. He just hoped that it would stay that way. If they were lucky, it would.

He wanted a future where even more of their wishes would be made reality.


	47. Thinking Positively

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will doesn't want negative thoughts coming into his mind to cloud the plans for his and Lee's wedding day.

They had set the date. They knew when they were going to be married.

June nineteenth. Will rolled the words around on his tongue, smiling. In just a little over a month, his life as a married man would begin, and he couldn't wait for it to happen.

Married. He and Lee were going to get married. Lee's cancer treatments would work this time, and the two of them woul have a long and happy life together.

Will closed his eyes as doubts tried to assail his mind, pushing them away firmly. Was he a fool to believe that they could have their happy ever after, the one that they both wanted so badly? Was he only kidding himself to think that this new trial would work, and that Lee could live?

He didn't want to be pessimistic. He didn't want to hold on to negative thoughts. He knew that Lee needed to think positively, and he tried to do the same himself.

But it was hard not to be frightened of the future. It was hard to believe that they could achieve the happiness that was so close within their grasp.

He knew how easily happiness could turn to dust.

It had happened to him in the past -- not in a relationship, but in other ways. He didn't want the happiness that he'd found with Lee to crumble into nothingness.

He didn't want to imagine a life without Lee. That life, for him, wouldn't be worth living. Now that he had found someone to love, he couldn't bear to lose that feeling.

All of his life he had longed for someone who would love and accept him, understand him. Lee was the only person who had ever given him what he needed in that respect -- and Will was sure that Lee was the one person in the world who had been intended for him.

They seemed to fit together like hand in glove. He couldn't even contemplate going back to the sterile, lonely life he'd led before he and Lee had met.

He had tried to tell himself that he was satisfied with that life, that he could be content. But he had been lying to himself. He knew that now.

But that wasn't something he wanted -- or needed -- to think about now, Will told himself firmly. He needed to think about their wedding. They had already decided on the flowers and the music, and they had booked a wedding chapel. They only had to get their suits, and send out the invitations.

A wedding. _Their_ wedding. Just the thought of being married to the man he loved gave him a warm glow; the idea of being Lee's husband filled him with joy.

He wasn't going to let anything get in the way of that joy. He was going to think positively; there was no reason for him not to. Lee's doctors seemed to be hopeful about the new trial.

He had to keep his mind away from depressing thoughts.

After all, there was no sense in him being depressed, not now. He was getting married! And he was sure that being married was going to be bliss.

How could it not be? Will thought with a soft smile. He was marrying Lee Fallon, the man he loved with all of his heart and soul. The man who was everything to him.

Their wedding day was going to be the most wonderful day of their lives, and he would do all that he could to make it that way. There would be no sadness, and no tears unless they were tears of joy. There would be no dark thoughts, no depression, only happiness and hope for the future.

Will was sure that Lee felt the same way. Now that they had set the date and started making some of the arrangements, everything seemed that much closer to taking place.

In just over the space of a month, they would be married. He would be able to call himself Will Graham-Fallon -- and there was no other name that he wanted to have.

 _That_ what what he needed to focus on right now.

And that was what he _would_ focus on, Will thought determinedly as he reached for his cell phone. He was going to call a couple of places where he knew they could get their suits fitted.

This wedding day was going to be perfect for both of them, he told himself as he picked up the phone book. He would make sure of that, no matter what he had to do.


	48. A Happy Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee is worried that his future with Will won't last as long as they both hope.

A week. Only one more week, and he would be married to Will.

Lee stared at himself in the bathroom mirror, feeling a slight tremor go through his body. It didn't seem possible that in just a week's time, he would be a married man.

He wanted this more than he had ever wanted anything in his life. He wanted to be married to Will, for their future to be assured, for them to live happily ever after.

Only for him, a happy ever after wasn't guaranteed. A happy future wasn't something he had ever felt that he could look forward to -- at least not since he'd found out about the cancer. That cloud was always hanging over his head like the sword of Damocles.

What would he do if the tiny thread holding that sword immobile were to break, and the sword fell on them? There would be nothing that he could do to stop it.

So far, the treatments seemed to be working well for him -- but that had happened in the past, too. Treatments could always stop working, at any time.

He couldn't get that worry out of his mind.

Lee sighed softly, closing his eyes and gripping the edge of the sink until his knuckles turned white. He shouldn't think like this. It was a defeatist attitude.

He _had_ to believe that this treatment would be the one to work. He had to stay positive, especially now that his wedding was so close.

Happiness was within his grasp; he couldn't let himself sink into melancholy and look on the dark side of things. He _had_ to stay focused on all the positive things in his life; if he didn't, then he would end up dragging Will down with him, and he didn't want that.

Was he doing the right thing by marrying Will?

The thought sent a chill down Lee's spine. He didn't want to have any doubts about being with the man he loved for the rest of their lives, but the question needed an answer.

His time might be limited. These treatments might not keep working. Will might marry him, and then lose him far too quickly. That would break Will's heart.

The last thing he wanted was to destroy the only person he'd ever truly loved.

But if they didn't get married, if they called it off, then this disease that he was afflicted with would have won. After all, to quote Shakespeare, wasn't it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? Wasn't it far better for Will to have had that love in his life?

If they called everything off, then Will would have to live with a lot of _what ifs_. He didn't want that, either. What he wanted was for them to live a long and happy life together.

He couldn't know for sure if that would happen, but then, neither could any couple who got married. Life didn't come with any iron-clad guarantees.

They had to take the chance, and hope that it would pay off.

If he wanted a happy future with Will, then he couldn't let himself get cold feet a week before the wedding. He couldn't let himself turn away from that future.

Yes, he was afraid that things wouldn't go the way he wanted them to. But everything anyone did in life was a risk. He had to grab onto his chance for happiness.

He'd let despair overtake him far too many times before he had found Will; he wasn't going to do it again. He wasn't going to let himself give up this time. He hadn't done it before; he'd always pulled himself out of the depression it was all too easy to fall into.

This time, he had more of a reason than ever to get himself out of any depression. He had a happy future ahead of him, one that he intended to hold on to.

If it turned out that the treatments wouldn't keep working, then he would find another. He wouldn't give up. He had too much to live for now, too much of a future.

Will wouldn't want him to give up. Will would want him to fight.

He would do just that, Lee thought, straightening up and squaring his shoulders. He would fight for that happy future, fight for his right to a life with the man he loved.

He would fight for Will. He would fight against whatever fate had decided to give him cancer, and he would _win_. No one who wanted a happy future as much as he did, as much as Will did, could be denied that future. They would fight, and together, they would prevail.

There was no reason not to believe that he and Will could have that happy future. He just had to hold on to that belief, and make it a part of his life.

Fate couldn't be so cruel as to tear the two of them apart. Not now.

Lee smiled at himself in the mirror, his confidence returning. They _would_ have that happy future. They would live a long and happy life, and fall even more in love.

In a week's time, they would be married. And that would make him the happiest, as well as the luckiest, man in the world. A man with a wonderful future ahead of him.


	49. All Things Are Possible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will doesn't want anything to darken his wedding day.

Will looked at himself in the mirror, taking a deep breath.

It was hard to believe that at this tomorrow, he would be a married man.

He was marrying Lee tomorrow. In less than twenty-four hours, he would be Lee's husband; they would be joined in holy matrimony, a couple forever.

Of course, he already felt married to Lee in his heart. But this would make everything legal; they would be married not only emotionally, but in the eyes of the law.

He was just glad that Lee felt well enough for the wedding to take place. He'd seemed pale and listless for the last few days, even though he was excited about the wedding. But Will could tell that he hadn't been feeling physically well, even though Lee had tried to brush that aside.

He was worried about his fiancé, though he didn't want to admit that worry to Lee. He didn't want to bring up a subject that would dampen their joy.

And he didn't want their wedding day to be ruined by that worry. He wanted their day to be beautiful and special, a day that would bring them nothing but happiness.

Nothing would dim the light of their wedding day. Nothing.

All he could feel in his heart was an intense joy that he was marrying the love of his life, the man he wanted to spend all of eternity with. Nothing could tarnish that emotion.

Will knew that Lee felt the same; he could see it in his fiancé's smile, hear it in the lilt of his voice. Tomorrow was going to be the happiest day of both their lives, and they weren't going to let anything get in the way of the joy they felt at being able to join their lives as one.

Though he knew that if Lee didn't feel well, there _would_ be a pall cast over the day. He didn't want to see any shadow of pain on Lee's face during their wedding day.

If he did, the day wouldn't be all that it could be.

But he was thinking about himself, not about Lee, in that respect, Will thought with a sigh. He didn't want the day to be ruined for him; he didn't want to think about Lee's medical condition.

They shouldn't have to think about that on the happiest day of their lives, should they? Tomorrow should be a day where all of their worries were pushed aside, left behind them.

There would be time enough in the future to worry about other things. Tomorrow was a day just for them; a day for their hearts to rejoice, to know that they were making their love a legal, tangible thing, that they were sharing the day with people they cared about and who cared about them.

He hadn't realized that he had so many friends, people who he had worked with, people who wished him the best, who wanted his happiness.

It was odd to think that there were so many people in his life.

He'd always thought of himself as an outsider, someone who stood at the window of other people's lives, looking in, but never coming into that warmth from out in the cold.

Now that he had someone in _his_ life, though, everything had changed. He was welcomed into that circle of warmth; he felt that he was a part of life, instead of always being on the outside. Ever since the advent of Lee in his life, so much had changed for him.

Lee had really brought him into the circle of life, he thought with a soft smile. Lee had taught him how to open up and relate to people more; he'd always been afraid to do that in the past because of his empathy, but Lee had shown him that he didn't have to shy away from human contact.

He had missed so much in life before he'd met Lee. Now, not only was his heart opened to the man he loved, but his life was open to friendships that he'd never thought about before.

So much in his life had changed for the better.

Lee had turned everything around for him. Not only had this man given him love like he'd never known before, but he had also taught Will how to love himself.

He had come out of that self-imposed shell that he'd always hidden himself in once Lee had come into his life. It had taken some time, but he had started to become more involved in the world around him -- and not just through his work, but in a personal, more intimate way.

He had begun to spend time with his friends, and to appreciate the people around him more. He no longer hid himself away at his house in Wolf Trap.

Lee had given him the world. Lee had given his heart, his body, his soul, and so much more. And Will would always be grateful to the man he loved for opening his eyes to the world.

It made him love Lee even more, if such a thing was possible.

Will was determined that their wedding day would be a day of joy for everyone, a day that they would all remember as one of the happiest they had ever experienced.

He wanted his friends to have smiles on their faces just as he and Lee would, to share their happiness as the two of them committed their hearts, souls, and lives to each other. He wanted everyone to feel a bit of the happiness that would be in their hearts as they stood together at the altar.

He smiled at the thought of taking Lee's hands for the first time as his husband, of walking back down the aisle and being pelted with rice and rose petals.

It would be wonderful. It would be a dream come true. 

Their wedding day was going to be everything they both wanted, Will promised himself. It was going to be a day that they would both remember for all of their lives.

And it would be the beginning of their lives together, he told himself with a soft smile. The first day of the rest of their lives as a married couple.

Maybe that was a terribly romantic way of looking at the day, but he couldn't help it. Had he always had this romantic side within him, and Lee simply brought it out front and center? He couldn't help thinking that it had always been there, just waiting for the right person to tap into it. 

He wanted their wedding day to be the most romantic day of both their lives, a day that would live in the memories of everyone who was there and saw the two of them joined as one.

That was exactly what it would be, Will told himself firmly. There would be no dark clouds hanging over their day, nothing to detract from the utter happiness of being married.

Any dark thoughts could wait for another day, another time.

No, there would be no dark thoughts, either today or tomorrow. And none on the days following, either. They would be days full of love and joy, hope and happiness.

They were going to have a beautiful wedding and a wonderful honeymoon. Any darkness that might fall upon them would have to wait; fate wouldn't be so cruel as to spoil their big day with any dark clouds raining on their parade. Not after it had been kind enough to let them find each other.

Will smiled at himself in the mirror once more before turning away, his heart light. Nothing would come between the two of them, and especially not on their wedding day.

From now on, it was him and Lee. Together. As one. Forever.

He would hold on to that thought with everything he had. And he would keep holding on to it, even when they faced the dark clouds that he knew would be on their horizon.

As long as they were together, everything would be all right. They had love on their side, a love that would never fade, and never end.

Will took a deep breath, heading downstairs to go to the wedding rehearsal with Lee.

They would have a wonderful future, and a life together. He believed that. He truly did.

Life and love were theirs -- and with that, all things were possible.


	50. Paradise on Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though being married to his love will be paradise for Lee, he knows that he probably doesn't have very long to enjoy it.

Lee lay in bed beside Will, staring up at the ceiling.

Tomorrow, he would be married to the man he loved. They would be joined in holy matrimony, husbands, married until death did they part. It would be the best day of his life.

Being married to Will was going to be paradise, he thought, smiling into the darkness. He would be able to spend every day knowing that he and Will were truly one, married in the legal sense as well as in their hearts. They would each have a wedding band on their finger.

But at the same time, a part of him couldn't help but wonder if he was doing Will a disservice, asking him to marry a man who had a terminal disease.

Lee didn't fool himself that he would miraculously get better.

He wanted to believe that, wanted to believe that the paradise of being in love with Will and marrying him didn't have any dark clouds on the horizon.

He knew that he was going to die, sooner rather than later. He had tried to kid himself and to believe that the newest treatments were working for him, but he couldn't keep doing that. He knew that he and Will would both have to face his death, and it would come far too soon.

As much as he wanted to make himself feel that he would survive and live a long and happy life, Lee knew that it wasn't more than likely to happen.

He wanted to believe in his ability to share a perfect paradise of a life with Will, but realistically, he knew that he didn't have much time left.

Was that fair to Will? Had he condemned the man he loved to a lifetime of loneliness, of grieving for the love of his life after Lee was gone? He wanted to believe that Will would eventually be able to find love again, even if the thought did make him a little sad.

He wanted Will to be happy -- and he knew that his lover was happy with him. He would grieve, yes, but he would find love again, even if it wasn't just the same.

Will deserved that. He deserved his own paradise.

But he wasn't going to turn back now. Maybe marrying Will _was_ a little selfish of him, but it was what they both wanted. He wasn't going to turn back now.

He hated to think of leaving Will, of their paradise here on Earth being cut short. But at least they had time left to them, even if it wasn't as much time as he wanted it to be, he told himself firmly. They had found each other and made each other happy, and they'd keep doing that.

Fate couldn't be so cruel as to take away their paradise too soon. They would have more time together -- and, if they were lucky, more time than he anticipated.

At least, that was what he hoped.


	51. The Day Time Stood Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will is overflowing with happiness on his wedding day.

This was his wedding day.

Will looked into the mirror, adjusting his tie, swallowing hard. He had to constantly fight to keep tears back, but they weren't tears of sadness.

No, not at all. They were tears of happiness, tears of joy. He could hardly believe that today, he was going to marry the man he loved more than life itself.

He and Lee would be joined in holy matrimony in less than three hours. The chapel was filled with candles and flowers, and they had both invited people -- even though, truth be told, they didn't know that many people who they wanted at their wedding. So it would be a small congregation.

But that was fine with him. This day, this ceremony, wasn't for the people who would be watching and hearing them say their vows. It was for the two of them.

It was a day that time would stand still as he looked into his lover's eyes and made vows to him, vows that he intended to keep for all of his life and beyond.

He couldn't wait to say those vows.

Those words that he would speak were going to bind him to Lee, make them a married couple, their hearts and souls entwined, not just in this life, but for all of eternity.

That was what he wanted, more than anything in the world. He already belonged to Lee in his heart, but he wanted to make it official in the eyes of the world.

This wedding was going to be the best day of his life. The only other day that could compare with it was the day that he had first met Lee, the day that he had looked into those incredibly blue eyes and felt something in his heart reach out towards the other man.

That day had been great, too, in its own way. It had been the beginning of the two of them, even though he hadn't known yet that he had fallen in love at first sight.

Though he'd figured it out quickly, Will thought with a soft smile.

It hadn't taken him long at all to realize just how he felt about Lee, that this man held the key to his heart, and that he wanted to spend all of eternity with him. And wonder of wonders, somehow Lee felt the same way about him, and had fallen just as hard and as deeply.

Loving Lee was the greatest thing he had ever done in his life. And this wedding was just sealing the deal between them, making their love known to the rest of the world.

His happiness was almost a tangible thing. He could feel it in the air all around him, as though it was a palpable being that he could reach out and touch.

Will knew that he couldn't do that, of course. Happiness was a feeling, not something that he could actually put his hands on. But he could still feel it, enclosing him in a warm, comforting cocoon. That happiness wasn't going to dissipate. He would always be happy in being married to the man he loved.

Nothing could mar the happiness he felt today.

Even thinking about Lee's illness couldn't get him down, not today of all days. Not on his wedding day. Besides, they had gotten encouraging news lately.

Lee's prognosis was good. Will was convinced that the man he loved would defeat the illness that had been diagnosed as terminal for so long, and that they would be able to build a happy life for themselves. Surely Lee couldn't be taken from him too soon after they'd found each other.

They would all die, in time, Will told himself firmly. That was inevitable. But he was sure that fate wouldn't be so cruel as to take Lee away from him far too soon.

No, the cancer would be beaten back, and even if Lee wouldn't have _as_ long a life span as some people did, he would still live for a good long while.

He believed that. He _had_ to believe it.

Will pushed that thought determinedly out of his mind. He wasn't going to dwell on it; today, nothing was going to get him down. Not on his wedding day.

This was the day that he would stand in front of an altar with Lee and profess his love and commitment to the man he loved, in front of the few people he cared about.

This was the day that time would stand still as he gazed into Lee's eyes and said those vows that would unite them for all eternity, the day that would be in his heart as the day that he had walked into his future with the man he loved, hand in hand, heart to heart.

He and Lee would say their vows today, and then walk into their future together. They would have the wedding, and then the reception, and the day would radiate happiness.

His own happiness would overflow into the day, Will thought, smiling again. How could it not? This was the day that he was marrying the love of his life.

Nothing could be better than that. Nothing.

Belonging to Lee, becoming his husband .... that was all he wanted out of life, really. Just to be one with the man he loved, to know that he and Lee would always be together.

What could be better than that -- besides having a long and happy life together? That was his only wish now -- that their married life would indeed be a long one, and that they would always be happy and fulfilled in that life. He couldn't really ask for anything more.

He could feel his love for Lee welling up inside him, ready to pour out. He was sure that everyone watching their wedding ceremony would see that love, and feel it.

He hoped they did. He hoped they would catch some of that happiness.

Today, he felt benevolent and loving towards everyone in his life. All the people who mattered the most to him were here -- few in number, but all of them in his heart.

They would all watch him marry the man he loved, and time would stand still for him as he and Lee became one not only in their hearts, but in the eyes of all the world.

He'd never been happier than he was on this day.

And it was nearly time for that day to begin. Checking himself in the mirror one last time, Will turned away, taking a deep breath and preparing to go downstairs.

Lee would be downstairs waiting for him, and they would arrive at the chapel together, hand in hand, just as they were going to go through the rest of their lives. The rest of eternity.

Together forever, through all of time.

That was all he wanted out of life. Nothing could ever be better than that.

With a smile, he headed for the stairs, to be with the man he loved.


	52. The First Time I Loved Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will has never felt happier or more fulfilled than he does on his and Lee's wedding day.

This was it. They were getting married.

Will smiled over at Lee, taking the other man's hand as they walked down the aisle together to the altar and the smiling minister at the front of the chapel.

He could see everyone he'd invited smiling at the two of them; they all looked so happy for him, and for Lee. This wasn't something they'd expected, but they were glad of it.

Will knew that his friends and colleagues had never expected him to get married. They had thought that he wasn't the kind of person who would ever be involved in a serious relationship; they hadn't thought that he was stable enough, that anyone would stay with him.

But they had been wrong. They hadn't counted on him meeting someone who would fill up his heart and soul, someone who would be his other half.

He hadn't counted on it, either. It still amazed him to realize that he was getting married, or that he and Lee had even managed to find each other in this crazy world.

Yet, somehow, they had. And they were making it official.

He turned towards the minister, unable to keep back the smile from his face. This was the happiest day of his life, the day that all of his wishes were coming true.

He was marrying the man he loved, the man who meant everything to him. He was marrying his soul mate, his other half, the person who held his heart in their hand. From this day forward, he would be not just Will Graham, but Will Graham-Fallon.

He had insisted on that; he wanted Lee's name to be a part of his, to show the world that he was married to the man he loved by taking his name.

His smile grew as he listened to the words of the song that they'd chosen.

_The first time I loved forever_  
Was when you whispered my name  
And I knew at once you loved me  
For the me of who I am 

He _did_ truly love Lee for who he was. It didn't matter to him that the man he loved might not have as much time in this world as others would.

All that mattered on this day was that he and Lee were in love, and they wanted to proclaim that love to all of the people here -- and to the entire world.

Had he ever thought that he'd been in love before? Well, he had been wrong. Anything that he might have felt for any other person was eclipsed by the all-consuming love that he felt for Lee. This man was the center of his world; Lee was his universe, his everything.

It was almost a little scary to love someone this deeply, but Will knew that he wouldn't change a thing. This was how he'd always wanted to feel about someone.

He had always known that there was a man out there for him.

Of course, he had never thought that he would actually find that man. He had relegated himself to being alone for the rest of his life, always silently mourning the relationship that he would never have. He thought that he had gotten used to the idea, accepted it.

And then Lee had blazed into his life like a comet, streaking across his consciousness, becoming the fixed point that his entire life revolved around.

The two of them repeated the words of the traditional wedding ceremony after the minister, then Jack stepped forward with a smile to hand each of them a ring.

Will swallowed hard as he turned to face Lee, sure that he was going to burst into tears of happiness in just a few seconds now. This was it. Within moments, they would be married.

This was all that he wanted out of life, all that he had ever wanted. To be married to the man he loved, to share his life with Lee's, to entwine themselves so closely together that nothing would ever tear them apart. And this was the moment that they would take those vows.

He expected his voice to shake so much that the world would barely be audible.

But his voice didn't shake as he spoke the vows, then slid the wedding band onto Lee's finger. It was strong and firm, his joy audible in his tone.

"With this ring, I thee wed," Will repeated after the minister, looking from the wedding band gleaming on Lee's finger up into the eyes of the man he loved.

He could see his own happiness reflected in Lee's eyes. He knew that his feelings were echoed there, that Lee felt the same as he did. His heart was full to overflowing, and he knew that Lee's had to be, as well. They were equally in love, both of them feeling the same things at this moment.

He had never been so happy in his life. He held out his hand for Lee to slip the ring onto his finger, surprised to see that it wasn't trembling at all.

His hand was as firm as his voice, just as strong and sure.

Nothing had ever felt so right to him as what he was doing now, marrying the man he loved with all of his heart and soul, twining their lives together forever.

"I now pronounce you a married couple," the minister said, his voice ringing out in the quiet chapel. "You may kiss your husband," he said, looking at each man in turn with a smile. And as Will leaned forward to kiss Lee, he knew that this kiss would mark the start of their new life together.

He was no longer a single man. He would never have to be alone again. From now on, he would always have Lee in his heart, their souls linked for all of eternity.

He had never known this kind of happiness.

The two of them turned to face the people gathered in the chapel, both of them smiling and holding their clasped hands aloft, their fingers twined together.

Will looked over at Lee, the man who was now his husband, squeezing his hand gently. The happiness in his heart seemed to spill over, encompassing the entire room.

He was married. Not only that, he was married to the man he loved more than anything in the world. This was the first time he had truly loved, the first time he had loved forever. He knew that what he felt would never dim, never fade, never grow old.

His love for Lee would stay as bright and shining as it was in this first moment, this first heady rush of knowing that the two of them were married.

Nothing would ever take away that love. He knew that it would always be there in his heart, a beacon to guide him, his guiding star that would always light his way home.

Lee _was_ his home. Lee was his love, his heart, his very soul.

Whatever adversities life might throw at them, together, they would defeat those things one by one. It might be a struggle, but they would prevail in the end.

They had to. Fate wouldn't be so cruel as to give the two of them this kind of happiness, only to snatch it away from them far too soon.

He had high hopes for the future. Lee would make it through this trial, it would work for him, and even if his cancer wasn't completely eradicated, it would become manageable. Will held on to that belief with everything he was; that wish _had_ to come true.

Then, as the two of them started the walk back down the aisle through the well wishes and cheers of the people who had come to witness their wedding, he pushed that thought from his mind.

There would be no unhappy thoughts, nothing of the kind, to mar his wedding day. This was a day for nothing but joy and happiness, peace and contentment.

This was his day, and Lee's. No dark thoughts would cloud it.

As they walked out into the bright sunlight, Will's smile became even broader. He was a married man now. His life would never be the same.

So much had changed in his life, and it was all for the better. He knew that with Lee beside him, his life would be a happy place from here on out. He had finally found love, a love that he knew would last forever, a love that he felt with every fiber of his being.

This was the first time he had loved, and it was forever. He knew that Lee was the one person who had been meant for him, the missing piece in the puzzle of his life.

But that puzzle piece was missing no longer. It was now firmly in place.

Will looked over at his husband as they raised their hands again, both of them feeling victorious and happy. He knew that Lee's heart, his emotions, were mirroring his own.

He'd never been so incredibly happy in his life. He knew that he would look back on this day as one of the most momentous milestones of his existence, the day he had finally felt complete.

How could he feel otherwise? Today, he had married his soul mate; two people had symbolically become one. Though, if he was honest, he had become Lee's from the first day they had met. He had known even then that what he felt was much more than just a simple attraction.

When Lee's eyes met his, he could see the love there. Will smiled and leaned over slightly, brushing a gentle kiss across his husband's lips. "I love you, Lee."

"And I love you, Will," Lee answered, his own voice soft and husky. "More than I ever thought I could love anyone. You're my world. My whole life. My forever love."

Will could feel his heart swell with love at Lee's words.

He had wanted to hear those words, even though he knew that Lee felt them. Just hearing them made his heart sing and his soul soar to the heavens.

Lee loved him. And he loved Lee. This was the first time that he had loved forever, and it would be the last. The only. Lee would always be his love.

From the moment they had met, until the end of time.

This was the moment of his greatest happiness, and Will was sure that there was much more happiness to come for the two of them.

He moved into his husband's arms, sharing another kiss and holding Lee close against him. Nothing could take away the happiness of this moment. Nothing.

No matter what the future brought, he had his heart's desire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics quoted are from Lisa Angelle's song "The First Time I Loved Forever," which was used as the theme music to the tv show "Beauty and the Beast." If you've never seen the show, I encourage you to track it down -- Vincent and Catherine's love story is one of the most beautiful things that's ever been put on film. 
> 
> Here's a video of the song with images from the show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-NBKXMFKpg
> 
> Enjoy!


	53. While the Music Still Goes On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will never wants to stop dancing through life with the man he loves.

Dancing with Lee was like whirling through a dream.

Will was sure that he'd never smiled so much in his entire life as he had at his wedding. And his smiles weren't forced; he was genuinely happy.

He felt that he was almost glowing with pleasure, with a happiness that came from deep within him. He was now married to the man he loved, the man who made his life complete. His happiness shone out of him, and he knew that Lee's happiness matched his own.

They had talked to all of their guests, who had congratulated them on their marriage, and complimented them on the beautiful, moving ceremony.

Now, they were dancing, and he never wanted to stop.

Will felt that he could move around the dance floor in Lee's arms forever; he would never get tired of this, never stop dancing through their life together.

He was sure that the happiness he felt at being married to Lee was never going to dim. All he could feel was the joy that had taken up residence in his heart; he wouldn't let anything mar this day for him, or dim the happiness that he was feeling.

There would be time enough in the future for darker thoughts, he told himself firmly, pushing those thoughts out of his mind and slamming a door on them.

This was his wedding day. This was a day for joy and celebration, not for thoughts that would only make him feel worried and anxious. None of that. Not today.

He would dance while the music was still going on, and he would enjoy this day and all that it had brought. He would revel in the fact that he was married to the person he loved more than life itself, and look forward to the days ahead, days filled with light and laughter and love.

He and Lee _would_ fill their life with love. That was a given. Will knew that there was no way his life with his husband could be anything less than wonderful.

Not perfect. There was no such thing as absolute perfection.

But he didn't need perfection. As long as he had Lee in his life, in his arms, and in his heart, that was perfect as far as he was concerned. He needed nothing else.

All he needed was the man he loved. And as long as the music went on, the two of them would keep on dancing through their lives, happy with each other, secure in the knowledge that they would always be in love, and that what they had would never fade away.

Will was even more sure of that as he gazed into his new husband's eyes, and saw an answering look of love in the blue depths of Lee's gaze.

And when their lips met, it _was_ perfection. It was sublime.

The music went on, and they kept dancing.


	54. One Big Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee doesn't want to let dark thoughts creep into his mind on the biggest, happiest day of his entire life.

It had been the biggest -- and best -- day of his life.

Lee leaned back against the softness of the pillows, closing his eyes and letting himself relax. Will was here, in his arms, leaning his head against Lee's shoulder.

His husband. They were married now; sometimes it was hard for Lee to take in that fact. He was actually married to the man he loved more than anything.

He'd never thought that he would get married. He had been so sure that his life would end before he found love; he had given up on ever having the happiness that he saw other people take for granted, that seemed to come to everyone else so easily.

But he'd beaten the odds, hadn't he? He was here with Will, they had just made love, and they were married now. Cleaved together forever, and nothing could part them.

 _Except death_ , whispered a voice in Lee's ear, a voice that he firmly pushed out of his mind. He didn't want to hear it. Not now. Not tonight.

This was his wedding night, and it was going to be perfect.

The day had already been the most perfect day of his entire life. It had been the one big day that he'd always waited for, but had never really believed he could have.

Yet it had happened, and it had been just as wonderful as he'd always hoped it would be. He hadn't felt any pain; there had been no mention of his disease, nothing to take away from the joy and wonder of the day that he'd been joined in holy matrimony to the love of his life.

Of course, he would have to face facts later on, he told himself, suppressing a sigh. He couldn't hold back reality forever. And that reality wasn't pretty.

He had cancer. He was dying. He knew that.

But he could keep on with the trials, and he could keep hoping. Giving up hope wasn't something that he could allow himself to do, not at this point.

After all, he had Will in his life now. He had someone he loved by his side, someone who would hold his hand, who would be there for him, who would help him fight. He couldn't give up. That would be unthinkable. He had to stay optimistic. For Will's sake.

Anything less would be letting Will down, and he would not, could not, do that. He had to fight, right up until the end, whenever that might be.

All he could do was hope that the trial he was taking part in now would work, but he had the sinking feeling that like all the others, this one was going nowhere.

It just didn't seem fair. He had so much to live for now.

Why was it that so many trials seemed to work for others, but never for him? It hadn't really seemed to matter so much when before, but now, it definitely did.

When he hadn't had Will in his life, he had just been going from trial to trial, wondering how much longer it would be before he finally gave up. He'd been marking time, treading water, and he hadn't really cared that much if he stuck around, or took his final bows.

But now .... Now, there was so much more in his life, so much to live for. He'd just gotten married. He had finally found the love that he'd spent his entire life searching for. He was happy and fulfilled, and what was more, he made Will happy. He couldn't just let that go.

He couldn't turn his back on all that he'd found. He couldn't give up. And yet, he knew how hard it could be to keep going, to keep hoping.

And how hard it was to deal with the disappointment.

That had happened time and time again; he'd stopped counting how many times he'd heard the words that told him, kindly but firmly, that the treatment wasn't working.

Those words had ceased to mean much to him; at least, they hadn't until he'd met Will. But now, he felt a fierce desire to live, to make his life all that it could be.

He'd never had a reason to keep on going before, not like he did now. Leaving Will behind was unthinkable. Not just for himself and his own need to live, either, Lee told himself. He didn't want to leave Will with a broken heart. He didn't want to leave the man he loved alone.

Why was he thinking of this now? They'd just gotten married, and they had just had an amazing wedding night. He didn't need to be thinking such dark, unhappy thoughts.

Firmly, decisively, he pushed those thoughts away and slammed a door on them.

Those were the last kinds of thoughts that he needed to be indulging in now. He didn't need them to crowd in on him and destroy the happiness he was feeling.

And he _was_ happy, Lee thought, unable to hold back his smile. He was married to the man who held his heart in the palm of his hand, they'd had a beautiful wedding, and the night that had followed their big day had been just as incredible, if not even more so.

There was no reason for him to think of things that would only make him unhappy. And he wasn't going to let Will know about the thoughts that had been going through his mind.

He wasn't going to make his husband unhappy. Not tonight.

This had been their big day, and he wanted to hold on to the happiness that he'd felt all day for as long as he possibly could. He was reluctant to let it go.

He wouldn't let that happiness fade, Lee told himself firmly. He would hold onto it, and treasure it, for all of his life. He would always remember this day, and this night.

He was sure that Will would, too, he thought with a soft smile, raising a hand to stroke his new husband's hair. The two of them would always remember their wedding day -- and the night that had followed -- as being the best day of their lives.

It was only the start of their life together, he told himself. And there was no room for dark, unhappy thoughts. This was their time to be happy.

Life wasn't always perfect. He knew that better than most people. But there were days like this one, days when perfection was within their grasp, when it actually happened.

He would treasure this day for all of eternity.

"What are you thinking?" Will asked him, his voice soft. Lee's gaze went to his husband's, and he smiled again; his voice, when he spoke, was soft and loving.

"Us," he replied in a whisper. "I'm thinking about us, and how perfect today was -- and tonight, since we've been home. I'm thinking about how perfect our life together is going to be. And I'm thinking of the future that we're going to have. I can't wait for it to start."

There was no need to tell Will about the darker thoughts he'd been having only moments before. He wasn't going to spoil this night by bringing them out into the open.

He wasn't going to let those thoughts take precedence. They didn't need to.

"Our life together started today, when we stood at that altar and pledged ourselves to each other," Will told him, his voice a mere whisper. "This has been the best day of my life, Lee."

"Mine, too," Lee answered, bending his head to kiss his husband, his hands moving down Will's back. Within a few moments, the dark thoughts were gone, disappearing from his mind.

All he could think of was Will, and their future together.

For now, nothing else was important. Only the two of them.


	55. Temporary Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up next to his sleeping husband on the morning after their wedding night, Will wants to ignore the dark clouds hovering their future -- but he knows that isn't possible.

Will opened his eyes, stretching and yawning, squinting at the sunlight.

His wedding day had been the most beautiful day of his life.

He turned over to look at his sleeping husband, watching Lee's face, a soft smile curving his lips. _His husband._ He was married to Lee. To the man he loved.

He had never thought that this could happen to him, that he could get married, that he could know this kind of overwhelming happiness. He'd gotten used to feeling that happiness was something reserved for other people, and that it was something he'd never have.

Lee had changed all that. From the moment they'd met, from that first smile, that first hello, he had known that this man would change his life.

But their life wasn't perfect. There were clouds on the horizon.

The fact that Lee was ill was always in the back of his mind. He could never shake that foreboding sense that their happiness was only temporary, loaned to them.

What would happen when Lee took a turn for the worse? Will closed his eyes, holding back a sudden onrush of tears. He didn't want to think about that. Not on the morning after his wedding day, not when they had just had such a beautiful night of making love.

He had fallen asleep in his new husband's arms last night, and the last thing he'd been thinking of was those dark clouds that hovered over their future together.

Will didn't want to think about those clouds. He wanted to push them away, until they were out of the picture entirely, until they didn't exist any longer.

But he knew that he couldn't do that. There was no miracle cure for cancer; the trials that Lee participated in might give him some relief for a while, and the illness might even go into remission, if they were lucky. But there was no cure. That was a simple, stark fact.

Those clouds would always be there, raising doubts, darkening the future with their presence. There was no way that they could simply turn their backs on that knowledge.

They would simply have to deal with it, one day at a time.

Facing those dark clouds would one of the hardest things he'd ever done. And if it was hard for him, Will could only imagine how Lee must feel.

Slowly, almost tentatively, Will reached to touch Lee's face, trailing gentle, loving fingers over his husband's cheek. He wasn't going to think about all of the clouds that could soon be crowding onto their horizon. He was just going to enjoy being married, being in love.

He was going to enjoy every second of every day that he spent with his husband. These days were a gift, and he wasn't going to take that gift for granted. 

For all he knew, those clouds might be whisked away by some miracle.

He wasn't going to let them destroy his happiness.


	56. Walking on Clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today, Will is happy. Today, he doesn't want to think about the future and what it might hold.

Will felt as though he was walking on clouds lately.

Being married to Lee made him feel like the happiest man on earth. He couldn't wipe the smile from his face; just thinking about his husband made his heart soar.

Of course, he didn't smile at crime scenes. When he was there, he pushed thoughts of his personal life and the man he loved out of his mind, and concentrated on the case at hand. But whenever he wasn't in the field, he could fill his mind with thoughts of Lee.

He had never been so happy in his life, and it was all due to the man he loved. He'd never thought that this kind of happiness was possible.

For other people, maybe it was. But not for him.

Lee had changed all of that. From the first moment he'd looked into those incredibly blue eyes, and Lee had smiled at him, he'd been a goner.

He had fallen hard and fast, and he had no regrets about that. What would have been the use in holding back when every fiber of his being was screaming at him that this man was _the one_ , that he'd finally found what it seemed as though he'd spent his entire life searching for?

Holding back would have been useless -- and Will doubted that he would have been able to do so. Lee had made him smile, laugh, and most of all, had made him hope.

He had to hold on to that hope, he told himself as he made his way out of Jack's office and headed down the hallway to leave the building.

He had to believe that his husband would beat this cancer. The doctors who were running this newest clinical trial that Lee was involved in had said that the results looked promising; maybe this treatment would work where none of the others had before.

He had to believe that this would be the one. Or that the one after this would, if for some reason this one didn't work the way they expected it to.

He wasn't going to give up hope. Not when his life was so perfect.

He wanted to keep walking on these clouds for as long as he could; he didn't want to think that anything could take away the perfect happiness he'd been feeling.

The thought of this trial not working for Lee made his steps falter as he reached the front doors and headed out into the sunshine of the spring day. Will shook his head, refusing to let any dark clouds hover over the horizon of his future. He didn't want to think about that.

No. Lee would beat this, and they would have a long and happy life together. They had years of joy ahead of them. Decades, even. Their life together was only beginning.

He pushed the darker thoughts away. 

He wasn't going to listen to them. Not today.

Today, he was walking on clouds.


	57. Weakness of the Spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee gets some bad news from his doctor, and he wonders how he's going to tell Will.

Lee left the doctor's office, head down, hands clenched into fists.

He should have known that he and Will were asking for too much to believe that this tral would be the one that finally worked. Once again, he had been let down.

Before he had met Will, he'd been expecting this. He had told himself so many times that this would be the last trial he'd take part in, that if this one didn't work, he was simply going to resign himself to his fate and stop fighting against the inevitable.

But then he _had_ met Will, and his entire life had turned upside down. Hope had been rekindled, and now, he refused to let it go.

If he gave up now, Will would be so disappointed.

He could feel the insidious weakness closing in on him again, just as had all the other times when clinical trials hadn't worked. He was tired all the time.

Giving up now would make him feel even weaker than he already was, though. It would make him feel that he was suffering from a weakness not only of the body, but of the spirit. He didn't want to let his husband down by just surrendering. Will deserved better than that.

And so did he, Lee told himself, his inner voice fierce. He deserved a life with the man he loved. Will deserved to have a husband who brought him happiness.

The fates couldn't be cruel enough to take them away from each other. Not now, not when they had only recently found each other and discovered the joy of falling in love.

He wanted to cry, to scream in frustration, to beat his hands against the nearest brick wall until he was battered and bloody. But even if he did something so foolish, it wouldn't do any good. It wouldn't change the fact that he had cancer, and that his days were numbered.

It was more of a weakness to give in than it would be to fight, Lee thought to himself as he opened his car door and slid into the driver's seat. He wasn't that weak.

Not in spirit, anyway. His body .... well, that was a different matter.

Lee sighed softly, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. He felt physically weak, not to mention too weak in spirit to talk about all of this with Will.

But he had to, and he knew it. Will needed to know that this trial wasn't working. Will wasn't just a friend, or his boyfriend. Will was his husband now, and he had a right to know about everything that Lee was dealing with. He was here for the bad times as well as the good.

As another wave of weakness swept over him, Lee hoped that he would be able to make it home and that he'd be able to explain everything to Will without breaking down.

Like it or not, his husband had to know the truth.


	58. Sweeping the Clouds Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee doesn't want to let the dark clouds of his illness come into his relationship with Will, though he knows it's inevitable.

"You're not feeling well today, are you?"

Will's voice cut into the silence, and Lee lifted his head from the book he'd been trying to read to look over at his husband, not liking the look on Will's face.

Will looked pale and strained; Lee felt a rush of guilt overtaking him. He was the one who had made Will feel this way; he knew that his husband was worried about him, and he had no one to blame for that but himself. It was obvious that Will knew something was up.

Should he tell his husband now that the trial was once again not working for him? He didn't want to bring such a dark cloud into their happiness.

But he really had no choice. He couldn't keep this from Will.

"No, I'm not," he admitted, his voice soft. "But you know that I have good days and bad days, Will. That's just something we both have to deal with.

He couldn't bring himself to tell Will the truth. Not yet. He knew that eventually, his husband would have to know that things weren't going the way that they'd hoped. But he coudn't bear to exacerbate that worry on Will's face, to put yet more pressure on the man he loved.

He didn't want Will to toss and turn at night for worrying about him. He wanted to hold on to the happiness they had together for just a little while longer.

The last thing he wanted was for any dark clouds to come between them. He didn't even want those clouds on their horizon, but he knew that they wouldn't simply vanish.

Those clouds were the only thing that cast a shadow over the two of them, Lee thought, feeling resentful. If only it wasn't for this damned disease that had taken over his life even before he and Will had met, things would be so perfect. If not for that, life would be perfect.

Or would it? he asked himself. Everyone had problems. His just happened to be a life-threatening one. It wasn't the only thing that could go wrong.

He couldn't let Will know. Not yet. He had to keep this to himself for a while longer.

Those dark clouds couldn't be allowed to threaten the love that he and Will shared. He couldn't bear for this kind of setback to cause the two of them any problems.

"You know that I'm not at my best sometimes," he said, smiling softly at the man he loved and holding out a hand to him. "I'll feel better in the next couple of days, sweetheart. Maybe I just need to have the dosage of the meds I'm taking for the trial cut back a little."

Will nodded, coming over to the couch to sit down next to Lee and slide strong, warm arms around his waist. Lee closed his eyes, feeling safe and protected.

Those clouds had been pushed aside. For now, at least.


	59. A Feeling of Defeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee has a bad feeling about the reasons why his doctor has called him in for an unscheduled consultation.

Lee sat in his car, feeling frozen behind the steering wheel.

He didn't want to go to the doctor today. When they had talked on the phone, he'd heard something in the man's voice that had made him shudder.

He'd heard a kind of defeat in that voice, in the words that had come out so slowly. He knew that the man was trying to sound encouraging, that he was working to keep his tone bright, to make Lee think that this was nothing out of the ordinary, coming in for a consultation.

But he was never called in out of the blue like this. He went for regular appointments, and for the clinical trials. He didn't just have spur-of-the-moment meetings.

So something was wrong. He didn't want to think about what it could be.

He felt paralyzed, as though he couldn't force himself to move. He didn't want to put on his seat belt, to start the car and drive to the doctor's office.

He didn't want to hear what would be said. He was sure that he knew the gist of it already -- that yet again, the trial wasn't working for him, that there was no point in going on, that he would have to turn to something else, find another way to try to beat this disease.

Lee took a deep breath, then another. He would have to force himself to put the car in gear and drive. He had to go to this meeting; he couldn't just sit here all day.

It didn't matter that what was going to be said was something that he didn't want to hear. He hadn't wanted to hear that he had cancer, either.

Still, it had been something he couldn't block out, couldn't ignore, couldn't deny. And whatever the doctor wanted to tell him now would be the same thing. He would just have to find another clinical trial, get into it, and hope that this time, it would work.

He _had_ to do that. He didn't have just himself to think about now. He was married. He had a husband. He had think about how Will would feel about all of this.

Then why was there such a feeling of defeat within him?

Lee couldn't help but feel a portent of doom, and despite the warmth of the day, he shuddered again, as though a cold wind had swept through his body.

He didn't know why that feeling of defeat seemed to close around him, making him feel that he was walking into some sort of trap, something that would signal the beginning of the end for him. He felt as though he was taking those first inexorable steps towards the inevitable.

Taking another deep breath, he finally pulled on his seat belt and started the engine, then put the car into gear and stepped on the gas.

He would talk to the doctor, and then figure out where he went from here.


	60. This Is the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee doesn't know how he's going to break the news he's just been given to his husband.

It had gone too far. There was nothing more to be done.

But he had known that from the beginning, hadn't he? There was no cure for cancer. He should have known that it would eventually come to this.

Lee closed his eyes, resting his head against the headrest as he sat behind the steering wheel of his car. He hadn't wanted to leave the parking lot yet; he wasn't ready to go home. The enormity of what he'd been told just a short while ago was still sinking in to his mind.

How was he going to tell Will? What could he say. "Excuse me, darling, but we have to accept a cruel fate. The trial isn't working and there's nothing more the doctors can do."

He couldn't put it that bluntly. It would destroy Will.

But what else was there to say? He had to tell his husband the truth. He couldn't let Will believe that there was hope, when he'd been explicitly told that there wasn't.

Lee felt as though he was existing in some sort of alternate universe, a place where everything he'd wanted to be true was turned upside down. Somehow, nothing seemed right. Nothing seemed _real_. This afternoon had been a bad dream that he would wake up from.

That was it. This was a nightmare he was having, a terrible nightmare that couldn't possibly be true. His mind was making the worst of the situation.

But even as he grasped at that slim straw, he knew that he was fooling himself. This wasn't a nightmare. This was his life. Or, rather, what was left of it.

Lee felt a catch in his throat, and he swallowed hard to hold back the sob that he knew was threatening to come out. The times for tears was long past. He wasn't going to cry. It wouldn't help, and there was no sense in it. He'd already done all of his crying.

What he had to do now was be strong, and find some way to tell Will. He had to break this to his husband as gently as possible.

If only this _was_ an alternate universe, and not the truth.

This _was_ the truth. This was his life. And if he didn't have much of it left, then he had to live what time he _did_ have to the fullest.

Lee took a deep breath, raising his head and blinking back the tears that had been threatening to rise to the surface. He was going to live every day as if it might be the last, enjoy every moment, and leave this world on his own terms. He would go out with dignity.

But first, he had to figure out how to tell his husband the news. And that, he knew, was going to be the hardest thing he'd ever done -- and just the first step on the road ahead.

He didn't know how he was going to take that step.


End file.
